n o t h i n g is ever as it seems

i don't know what to t r u s t anymore

all i know is that i won't let anything break me again

I hate only being able to trust myself

at some point all i really wish for is to be able to give up control and feel safe.

I want to hate you. I want to hate you but I won't. I can't. Hating you would give you more of my precious energy...I gave, and gave, and gave, and I have nothing left to give to you.

So I'll just ignore it. I'll ignore it and I'll ignore you.

I am suddenly inspired. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I don't think I'm afraid anymore. I am beginning to feel something open up in me...I don't think I feel like I'm missing something anymore...I think that I am beginning to realize I've been here all along. All of me.

I really wish I could do this without hurting you ( Read more... )

i have finally regained my independence...

but i have lost my love...

but it is going much farther than a man...

i thought i was ok...

but i have somehow managed to not notice that i am falling apart...

i am nival...

buried in the snow...

this is the burning of the phoenix...

i can feel myself growing distant...

i can feel myself closing up...

i can feel myself getting ready to pack my heart up and put it away...

there is safety in shutting it all off...

there's no one to talk to...

i thought i was ok...

I don't know what I'm doing right now...

I'm wishing, and hoping and waiting for something

that I haven't wished and hoped and waited for

for a very long time...

Some things just don't go away.

My eyes hurt and I can't focus. I cried so much today I think I may be broken. I'm a little scared right now but I have to believe that everything will turn out ok. I will fall apart if I don't tell myself that. I feel ok right now, but I can feel the panic and fear moving just under the surface. I'm fine as long as it doesn't fall apart. As ( Read more... )

If my life is for rent
And I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
'Cause nothing I have is truly mine

I've missed the rain. I love the way it makes everything quiet. No wind, just a slight breeze. Enough to bring the sweet clean scent of the storm through the window.