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Frazzled, Broken, Bitter...
As some of you know, I'm terribly inconsistent with my blog. I tend to come back here every few months, stick around for a few weeks, then just forget about it again for a while. Odds are not many people come to read this, and I see fewer people in person, but I let even fewer people know about what's really happening in my life. That's what this ( Read more... ) -
Catching Up
As some of you may know, I resigned from Seabra the last day of March. I no longer felt comfortable working there with the nonconsensual transfer thrown at me. I'd explain the reasons, but I'm not going to bash the company or a specific person. It's been a month now. I feel free from my previous employment and it's given me some time to spend by ( Read more... ) -
On edge...even while sleeping.
For the past couple of weeks, I haven't been sleeping well. I've gotten almost no sleep this weekend in particular. Try as hard as I might to sleep, one of three things tends to happen each night:
1) I toss and turn all night long. Stress and lots of it. Something's always on my mind, pestering me. Five minutes of sleep here, ten minutes there from ( Read more... ) -
Angry Rant / Venting Steam
It's no wonder I feel like a failure all the time, like I'm the biggest disappointment to come around in the last century. I can explain why I don't want to do something, why I can't do something or how I did something differently (and still achieved the same results) and it doesn't matter. Family, friends, strangers, co-workers...I can hear it in ( Read more... ) -
A note about my recent posts...
I've gotten various messages via text, e-mail, facebook, phone calls, etc. No people, you should not be on a suicide watch. As I said in my prevoius entry ( Read more... ) -
Another downward spiral...
Ever since that night in late December mom came up to me as I was sitting down at the computer and said "I don't want to see you sitting there playing games. You should go to grad school and bring some meaning to my life," my life at home has been steadily worsening. What she said hurt more than anybody could imagine. I can't forgive her for saying ( Read more... ) -
What happens when you stare at produce long enough...
The Lemon
This ball of citrusy sunshine
Dangles in the air, dancing,
Mingling against the leafy green.
Pluck it from the arm cradling it,
Feeling the supple yellow flesh
That rolls about in you hands.
Feel your body moan,
As you swear you’re tasting
The meringue of tomorrow’s pie.
Imagine the juice trickling
From a sliver of the sun
Impaled on a frosted glass.
( Read more... ) -
Found More Old Poetry
Independence
I once was a rosebud
Floating in a sea of stinking men.
Every night they would grope me
With sweaty, fleshy tentacles,
Soaking my skin with alcoholic musk.
With the tips I made,
I felt like a pet on duty-
Hired to tease,
Hired to please-
But no more.
Now I’m a rose blooming
Amidst a sea of stinking men.
Whenever one approaches me,
I put my hand to ( Read more... ) -
Resonance
This morning, as I continued to clean out my room and toss some old things, I found a folder filled with my poetry from college workshops. Two particular poems, one which is a reversal of the first poem, caught my eye. I think I'll share them because they feel relevant to my current situation. I feel like the first one is where I am now, and the ( Read more... ) -
I Want
Where have I gone ( Read more... )