What struck me first was the breathtakingly vivid descriptions of the places. Then it was the naggingly persistent wrong-ness of the villagers, and then the tingling suspense of Sara's encounter with Anotni, and then... what a finish! :D Unsettling with just the right amount of gruesome -- well done!
hi there, i am your primary editor, working dilligently through my 15 edits. just wanted to let you know that i'm going to do your edit last, because there is a lot to work with here. don't think that i've forgotten about you!
apologies for the delay, I just moved into school and I'm filling in edits. I'll edit this tonight or tomorrow. Just letting you know why I'm currently delayed.
The rhythm and suspense in this is very good. I like how you took the struggle for english with Antoni but didn't make it impossible to read, giving the reader just enough of the impression of a difficulty in communication.
Her approach was from the east, which brought her first to the broad side of a large church. She had learned to be careful with taking her backpack off after pulling a muscle in her lower back on the first night of her trip after flinging the heavy burden off, effectively sacrificing relief for agony, so she slowly slid it off her back and held it under her arm.
This is a bit awkward because you switch from church to backpack and back to the church in this paragraph. I'd recommend choosing one of two options, you could either add more transition between the approach and taking off her backpack or you could remove that sentence entirely.
A group of people she hadn't seen on her approach to the town approached her from the other side of the plaza, smiling and laughing, greeting her in a peculiar and heavily-
( ... )
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Her approach was from the east, which brought her first to the broad side of a large church. She had learned to be careful with taking her backpack off after pulling a muscle in her lower back on the first night of her trip after flinging the heavy burden off, effectively sacrificing relief for agony, so she slowly slid it off her back and held it under her arm.
This is a bit awkward because you switch from church to backpack and back to the church in this paragraph. I'd recommend choosing one of two options, you could either add more transition between the approach and taking off her backpack or you could remove that sentence entirely.
A group of people she hadn't seen on her approach to the town approached her from the other side of the plaza, smiling and laughing, greeting her in a peculiar and heavily- ( ... )
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