it becomes difficult to feel much of anything. too much, too little, too hard. this place makes you sick, but it's comfortable somehow. talk about different levels, you are an obsessive beast chewing it's own foot ( Read more... )

i think of you. a part of me hopes you've forgotten me. but there are times that i think i can feel your thoughts and i hope that you can feel mine too. i don't know what's happening so sometimes i make up histories for you. maybe tonite the girls are prettier than usual and the vodka seems stronger. maybe sleep calls for all day and cigarettes ( Read more... )

dear you ( Read more... )

i listen to every car passing. it certainly doesn't make time go faster, but it seems like everything has stopped anyways so it doesn't really matter. concluding this, and i am lost - i don't seem to understand where it all came from but i know that it's my own fault. it always is and if i don't see it, someone will definitely let me know ( Read more... )

now i am awake but just barely. backwords movements like a ghost in the desert. half here - stuck in a limbo without ever knowing. would it be better to know you're already dead ( Read more... )

i spend the most of the day just wondering. why can't i decide? what if there is a destiny and mine is going wrong? where do you fit into all of this and i want a sign but i wouldn't be able to see it anyways, so i make up stories and alternate endings that seem to work better ( Read more... )

i'm back where i know everyone, but i've never felt so alone.
the city is small and fake and i feel like even the sky is sad for the people here.

let me out. medication, medicative, medicated.

i've been waiting for the call of bad news. i've been watching the news and reading the newspaper. i've been waiting for some unknown number to call mine and give me a cold truth. i've been crying and lying in bed staring at the ceiling thinking of possibilities. i've been driving around aimlessly and searching through texts and emails and calling ( Read more... )

i cry almost daily now. sometimes more. today all it took was a car tire; those reverse looking rotations, gleam in the mud ( Read more... )

in the restaurant booth i feel my heart drop as time rewinds. an old movie we'd seen before plays again with cigarette smoke and silence. you can't get shot if you don't know. you can't swallow if you can't choke. rough hands, red lipstick, stained fingers. is there a backroom here and where is the doorway? all that you have is your soul and we ( Read more... )