the dream is recurrent and nightmarish.  I force though stupid tasks.  I miss a lot of faces.  You are one of them.  Women.  You things.  Let you confound me.  I cannot let go... of each and everyone of you.  
I beg to serve, you're wish is my law.  
I'm gritting my teeth.  Chewing my skin.  This is a recital on repeat.

 hehehehe.  sniffing too much dust will make your brain go bust ( Read more... )

i look different.  my life is very shallow nowadays.  i am feeling vain.  people try to cheer me up by saying how handsome i am.  it doesn't really work though.  i am bullying myself into being something i am not ( Read more... )

 my mother is up north vacationing. and my father comes home at what time 4:54 am. when he has to work at 6:00 am.  what a scoundrel.  what a thief, a whore.  what a joke.  he he. ha ha ( Read more... )

 oh lady, lay like your my mother, i love you, you you you let me live these lies.  how do i pretend to live when you lay such a sweet pretense down.  forget believing in truth, love or faith.  I've got it all here in a glass.... small you are, i am naked.  i don't bother now.  how can i show you what i had inside all those days.  keep away, you ( Read more... )

 back to the good old days.  where red was red, and there were no doubts.  finally back where i belong...a puddle.  making a mess of myself never felt so gratifying.  oh my lovers, why must this be?  i'm drunk again, with no arms near.  flailing into the morning.  i hear the dustman calling.  he said, "stay away."

 i am thin and losing more weight.  i feel weightless.  not even my responsibilities tie me to the ground.  I am floating above you now.  i keep trying to fill myself up.  with air, with water, with you; but nothing works.  i cannot feel the earth below.  how long can i float here without blowing away ( Read more... )

 when will we learn what to do with our time?
was it wasted all of those nights spent huddled?
can i be replaced in a flash of tomorrow
someone new someone old, the same to you?

what was the point of trying for so many years?
love, duty, respect, all of these are faulty and without ground

light and effortless i am floating
floating, drifting, away
you are ( Read more... )

 7, and 10 o'clock, 3, and then 4 ( Read more... )

Each day of this week has been a flood; emotionally, physically, and mentally.  I keep seeing things and people that take me back to days long since passed.  Some of this has been refreshing.  I've seen sweet faces, dewey eyes, elegant spines.  All have been intriguing.  All have brought tears ( Read more... )