Where I Stood - Chapter Three: No Longer What You Require [Skins; Naomi/Emily] - Part One
Title: Where I Stood (3/8 - But may change)
Chapter: No Longer What You Require
Pairing: Naomi/Emily, Effy, JJ
Rating: R for swearing
Word Count: 11,241
Disclaimer: I don't own the Skins characters, I'm just borrowing them for a little while to play in my own world.
Summary:The regrets you make always come back to haunt you...
Where I Stood - Chapter One: What I Wanted To Say
Where I Stood - Chapter Two: Wait It Out
Chapter Three: No Longer What You Require //Back then the days were so much faster. We were young, stubborn and in love with disaster. You know you can’t go back even if you try.\\
It doesn’t feel real. Not for a second. Naomi feels an awful lot like she’s dreaming; her mind wrapped up in some kind of make-believe trance.
It’s only when Emily’s hand slides into her own, her fingers gently digging into her skin as they shake hands, that Naomi comes out of her haze and realises that she is actually awake.
‘This moment is really happening,’ Naomi thinks as Emily’s hand slips away from her own, their skin brushing. The contact between them was only brief but Naomi can already feel that familiar sensation creeping through her fingers and consuming her hand. It tingles unbearably, as if Emily’s marked her skin with one split-second touch.
Naomi can’t stop herself from glancing down at her hand just to check.
It had been a habit of hers when she and Emily had first gotten together. She’d stare at herself in the mirror for long minutes after Emily had touched her, would run her eyes over every inch of her body and search for physical evidence that Emily’s touch could have left behind. It always left Naomi dumbfounded when she couldn’t see any; she could never understand how it was possible for her skin to be intact when Emily’s touch burned.
It still does, Naomi realises as she draws her eyes away from her unmarked hand.
-----
“I still can’t believe it. Naomi Campbell, a teacher,” Emily says disbelievingly, stirring a second sugar into her coffee.
The noise of the spoon clinking against the china cup is enough to force Naomi to look up from her own drink and meet Emily’s gaze for the first time since their earlier collision.
She’d been too shocked initially to do anything more than follow a few steps behind as Mrs. Burton gave Emily the tour of the school. It wasn’t until afterwards, when Emily had suggested that they grab a quick coffee in the staff room that Naomi had finally been able to calm her hammering heart and form enough words to agree.
She sees the cheeky glimmer in Emily’s eyes and immediately feels her mouth quirking into a smile, sarcastically replying, “I blame Kieran, the fucker, and his amazing passion for teaching. Obviously.” Naomi rolls her eyes out of habit, and pauses to sip at her coffee, trying to clear the dryness in her mouth. “My only guess is that his enthusiasm must have somehow rubbed off on me during all those wonderful lessons he gave us at Roundview.”
Emily chuckles at the remark, the corners of her eyes creasing and softening her face beautifully. Says, “Luckily for me all that encouraging Katie did while we were growing up, repeatedly telling me ‘Books are like, for losers, Ems. Do something worthwhile and read Heat, yeah?’ didn’t leave behind a lasting impression.”
Naomi forces a smile in response, isn’t quite sure how to deal with the familiarity that has somehow settled between them almost effortlessly within the last couple of minutes. She doesn’t quite understand how Emily can just be when she’s using all her power just to keep her breathing steady.
She feels her throat itching with the desire to say something, anything even, just to break the heavy tension between them. Isn’t really sure how she can be seeing Emily in front of her and still not really know anything about her. It’s almost unbearable, the way Naomi feels like she’s suddenly back to being seventeen again and immensely unsure of everything.
Naomi’s never been more thankful for irritatingly loud ringtones then when Emily’s phone breaks through the silence. Emily mouths a quick ‘sorry’ in Naomi’s direction before turning away slightly and answering the call.
There’s something about it all, about Emily showing back up in her life out of nowhere, that leaves Naomi feeling completely unsettled. It’s a feeling she hasn’t felt in years; that awful sensation that leaves her feeling like she’s floundering uselessly underwater and never quite able to muster the strength to break through the surface.
It makes her chest clench anxiously.
“Sorry about that,” Emily says turning back to face her a second later while flipping her phone shut. “I hate to cut this short, but I need to get going. That was James. He’s come up for the weekend to help me put furniture together in my new place and I’m worried that the little worm doesn’t really know what he’s doing.”
Naomi pushes a smile onto her face, nodding her head in acknowledgement, and tries her hardest to sound chirpy when she replies, “Well, it’s not like we won’t be seeing each other on a daily basis now. We’ll have loads of time to chit-chat, right, Em?”
The nickname comes out of her mouth without a second thought and Naomi almost feels like she’s overstepped some unspoken rule between old friends who are now in reality complete strangers. She opens her mouth to take it back, or even apologise in some way, but ends up letting it go when Emily beams a smile in her direction, and surprisingly places a hand on her arm.
“I’m already looking forward to it.” Emily lets her eyes trace over Naomi’s face while letting out a shallow breath. Smiles before continuing, “It’s really good to see you, Naomi.”
The sincerity laced in Emily’s tone is enough to make Naomi swallow hard against the lump in her throat before murmuring back. “It’s good to see you, too.”
Emily takes a carefully measured step towards her and, before Naomi can contemplate what’s happening, she finds herself being pulled in towards Emily’s body for a hug. It comes back to her naturally, the way her arms snake around Emily’s waist and tug her closer, her nose burying into ridiculously silky red hair.
It’s entirely intoxicating the way Emily’s tiny frame seems to fit against her perfectly. Naomi finds herself completely unable to stop her eyes from slipping shut as her lungs fill with the scent of Emily’s hair. It comes as a shock to find that it still smells deliciously of berries- makes Naomi instantly wonder what else in Emily’s life has remained the same all these years.
Naomi hears Emily sigh against her shoulder and has to resist the urge that bubbles up within her to brush her lips against the soft skin of Emily’s neck, bites the inside of her cheek to stop herself.
The look on Emily’s face is so content when she pulls away, that it forces Naomi to look away; the fluttering she feels creeping into her stomach is quickly becoming far too much.
Emily presses her lips to Naomi’s cheek before she leaves and says, “This has all been a massive surprise but I’m really glad you’re here.”
‘Me, too,’ Naomi thinks, watching as Emily walks away and wishes that it didn’t leave her feeling like everything is spinning completely out of her control.
-----
She finds Effy in the kitchen when she gets home. “Hey.”
Effy throws her hand up in a way of greeting, her eyes never leaving the pile of paperwork she has spread out in front of her on the table.
Naomi stays put, hovers in the doorway and listens to the sound of Effy’s pen scratching against the paper, until Effy looks up at her after a few minutes with a mixture of annoyance and concern. “What’s wrong?”
Naomi mulls it over in her head, still can’t quite believe that it’s all really happened. She settles for letting out a sigh and slumping into the chair opposite Effy, says, “I got introduced to the school’s new teacher today.”
“Oh?” Effy drops her eyes back down to her work, losing interest in the conversation quickly.
Naomi bites at her lip and takes a carefully measured breath before finally saying, “It’s Emily.”
Effy slowly lifts her head and stares back at her silently, seemingly weighing out the whole situation in her head before carefully asking, “Are you okay?”
It’s the easiest question she’s been asked all day and yet Naomi doesn’t really know how to answer it. She isn’t sure whether she’s allowed to say ‘no’ after all the time that’s passed. Just knows that she can’t stop thinking about Emily’s face, and Emily’s eyes, and Emily’s smile...
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Naomi feels a headache coming on and instantly rubs her fingers against her temples to try and ease the pain, closes her eyes against the room’s bright light. “It was just a bit of shock, that’s all.”
She hears Effy move about in the kitchen, opens her eyes a moment later to see Effy sliding a glass of water in front of her along with some painkillers. “How was she?” Effy asks once Naomi’s swallowed down the tablets.
Naomi shrugs dismissively. “She seemed well.”
Effy nods her head once, knowing that this is as much as Naomi is willing to talk about it at the moment. It’s something Naomi’s always liked about their friendship, that mutual understanding that some things just need to be left alone until the time is right.
Naomi goes off to get Bricker ready for bed and leaves Effy to continue with her work. Doesn’t let herself think about Emily again until much later that night when she’s sitting downstairs on the couch long after everyone’s gone to bed. Finds herself tearing up without reason; tries desperately not to let the tears fall.
She hears the flooring creak a moment later as Effy enters the room, slips onto the couch next to her without a word and instantly reaches for Naomi’s hand.
They’re silent for a long time before Naomi barely whispers, “I’ve never stopped missing her.”
Effy doesn’t say anything in return, doesn’t need to ask who Naomi means, just squeezes her hand a little tighter in a way that says she’s known all along.
-----
Naomi wakes up with a pounding headache on Monday morning and wishes that the thought of seeing Emily again didn’t leave her feeling horribly unprepared.
She gets ready for work slower than usual, takes time out of her morning routine to watch cartoons with Bricker and ignores the knowing look Effy shoots her from the doorway when she calls him up to have his bath.
It’s harder than Naomi remembers, trying to avoid someone, especially Emily, who always did seem to have her clocked on some kind of bizarre radar. She parks her car in the space furthest from the school entrance and just manages to slip unnoticed past Mrs Burton and Emily when she passes by the staff room, shielding herself from their view behind a particularly tall student.
Her ability to hide doesn’t last though. It never did.
Emily finds her during their lunch hour, knocks lightly on the door to Naomi’s classroom with her elbow and holds up two packets of sandwiches with a smile; lingering in the doorway until Naomi looks up in her direction.
“Hope you don’t mind some company? The other teachers here aren’t very conversational and one old guy keeps staring at my tits.”
Naomi laughs and accepts the sandwich Emily passes her. “That’ll be Mr. Fuller. He does like to ogle every slightly developed girl in sight- fucking pervert.”
Emily grins back at her before saying, “Thanks for the warning. I’ll be sure not to wear a low-cut top then.”
The eat in silence for a few moments until Naomi feels like she can’t ignore the way she can see Emily looking at her from out of the corner of her eye, decides it’s best to try and crush the slight awkwardness between them with a friendly question.
“So...” Naomi wipes her hands on a tissue and smiles at Emily as genuinely as she can. “How’s your first day going so far, Miss Fitch?”
Emily shrugs in a way that Naomi finds infuriating cute before replying, “Not too bad. Most of the kids here seem like a good bunch, so that’s always a plus.”
“Not to be horrible, Em, but you really haven’t been here long enough to pick up on the ones that are little shits. They’re probably still testing you.”
“Testing me?”
Naomi nods her head with a smile. “When I first started here they all acted like little angels and I thought I’d struck it lucky. By the second week they’d come to the conclusion that I’d be a push over and started acting out. In the end I had to pull out some of my wonderful wittiness to keep them all in check.”
“Ah, I see,” Emily says through a smile. “Thanks for the advice; I’ll have to start laying down the law early then.”
It makes Naomi chuckle unexpectedly, the idea of Emily being firm with anyone, but then she remembers James finding them making out in Emily’s room that one time and how Emily had managed to shut him up and make him promise that he wouldn’t say a word without having to bribe him at all. Stern Emily had been one of the hottest things Naomi had ever seen, and Emily had made damn sure to keep up her newfound sternness once she’d noticed the look of utter lust darkening Naomi’s eyes after James had been thrown out of the room.
The memory alone is enough to make Naomi blush furiously and she quickly fires out the first question that comes to her mind in the hopes that Emily hasn’t already seen the flush now covering her cheeks. “How was life in Sheffield, then?”
She immediately sees the look of shock that crosses over Emily’s face, as if she wasn’t expecting Naomi to ever bring that question up, and knows it must be mirrored somewhat across her own face when Emily shuffles in her seat and clears her throat; is thankful when Emily chooses to answer rather safely.
“Sheffield was great. I had great fun at Uni and ended up working at a really nice school once I’d finished up my degree.”
“How come you ended up moving to London?” Naomi feels the blood pounding heavily in her ears, doesn’t know why her brain and vocal cords don’t seem to be cooperating in any way. It’s like some kind of awful word vomit that she doesn’t know how to stop. Questions that she’s not sure she wants answers to.
It doesn’t go unnoticed the way that Emily takes a deep breath and doesn’t seem to be able to meet her eyes when she says, “It wasn’t really my idea to come to London but my girlfriend, Rachel, got offered a better job here, so...” The last part of Emily’s sentence comes out cautiously, as if she’s not quite sure how much truth to offer up in this delicate situation.
The blow hits hard.
Naomi feels her chest locking up at Emily’s words and squeezing all the air from her lungs. Leaves her feeling a horrible mixture of lightheaded and sick.
It comes as a kind of disorientation that she doesn’t remember ever having experienced before. It makes Naomi instantly think of falling.
She just about manages to say, “That’s great, Emily,” before the bell rings and she finds herself hitting the ground harshly; realisation of Emily’s words slowly sinking into her broken body.
-----
It’s almost midnight when Effy finds her out on the back steps smoking and nursing a half empty bottle of vodka. Effy settles down onto the step next to her; their shoulders and knees bumping together as she does so. Asks, “Momentarily regressing?”
Naomi takes another drink of the vodka. Doesn’t meet Effy’s gaze when she replies, “Something like that, yeah.”
Effy accepts the half smoked cigarette that Naomi offers her but declines the vodka with a quick shake of her head. “This might be none of my business but I thought we were past that stage in life where drinking straight from the bottle helped?”
Naomi sniggers, shakes the bottle gently and watches as the clear liquid splashes against the inside of the glass. It makes her wonder briefly, what it must feel like to be trapped inside and not be able to take part in the world happening just on the other side of the glass; to see but never really participate.
Thinks maybe she’s been fooling herself all these years, that maybe she never really broke out of her bottle and escaped to freedom. Thinks that perhaps she’s just deluded herself that watching and living is somehow the same thing.
“Emily’s seeing someone.” Effy raises an eyebrow and takes another long drag out of her cigarette; crushes the butt to the ground when she’s finished with it. “She’s the reason why Em’s here... Jesus, Emily moved to London just to be with this woman.”
Naomi feels more than hears as Effy releases a sigh and mentally braces herself for whatever Effy’s response will be. “What did you expect, Naomi? That during these seven years Emily wouldn’t have moved on and dated?”
“Of course not.” Naomi relinquishes under Effy’s gaze and turns her head to face her. “I knew she would have dated, but this, whatever this relationship she’s in now, it must be serious if she’s moved her whole life to London just to keep them together.”
Effy purses her lips together and is silent for a long minute before reasoning, “You missed your chance, Nae.”
It’s the way that Effy says it like it’s some kind of sorry fact that makes Naomi feel anger bubble to the surface. Glares at Effy and says, “You don’t think I know that?”
Effy doesn’t even flinch at her outburst, just keeps staring at Naomi intensely. “She’s not yours, Naomi. You chose to let her go, remember?”
She bites at her bottom lip before releasing a shallow breath and murmuring a defeated, “I know, okay?”
Naomi doesn’t bother to add that it’s still the biggest regret of her life, suspects Effy already knows when she wraps an arm around her shoulders and hugs her into the side of her body; lips brushing a gentle kiss to the top of her head.
-----
The next couple of weeks pass by rather uneventfully.
She doesn’t go out of her way to seek Emily out, but when they are together during their lunch break she makes a sincere effort to get comfortable with their new-found friendship. Knows that she’s just going to have to get used to crushing down that desire she feels building up within her whenever Emily accidentally brushes against her or touches her in a friendly gesture.
Naomi finds the whole thing a lot easier to do once Emily stops mentioning Rachel - during one of their lunch time chats, Emily had mentioned that Rachel was finishing off a case with a client in Sheffield and wouldn’t be joining her in the move to London for another two and a bit months. Without warning Naomi had swiftly made up a quick excuse to leave, ignoring Emily’s dejected protests for her to stay - luckily for her, Emily hadn’t mentioned Rachel again after that second failed attempt.
Naomi can’t be sure whether it’s because Emily’s caught onto the way that any mention of Rachel seems to leave her uneasy or whether Emily just feels awkward talking about her current girlfriend with her ex.
Either way Naomi’s eternally grateful that she doesn’t have to hear about the woman that’s replaced her in Emily’s heart on a daily basis.
-----
The first thing Naomi notices when Effy walks through the door on Saturday afternoon - with bags full of shopping - is how incredibly tense and tired she looks.
She sees Bricker run into the living room as Effy dumps the bags down on the kitchen table with a deep sigh. “Is everything all right?”
Effy slumps down into one of the kitchen chairs and reaches up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “He was a fucking nightmare again, Nae.”
“What happened this time?” Naomi glances past Effy’s shoulder just to make sure Bricker isn’t lingering behind them. “Worse than he normally is?”
Effy lets out a broken laugh. “Oh, it’s definitely getting worse.”
Naomi watches as Effy leans forward and snatches a cigarette from her packet, instantly lighting it up and inhaling several deep breaths, before asking, “Are you sure?”
“The way we normally go to the supermarket was being re-paved so we had to walk on the other side of the street and he pretty much lost it; started crying uncontrollably for no reason. Then, once we actually got to the supermarket and he’d calmed down a bit, some old lady said he was cute and went to ruffle his hair and he flinched away from her like she was going to hurt him... and not to mention he hasn’t stopped babbling away and listing those bloody Hot Wheels cars that he likes.”
Naomi opens her mouth to respond but stops herself as Bricker rushes into the kitchen and climbs onto her lap holding onto two of his cars and muttering, “Number 5, model N4008 the Ferrari 250 GTO and number 37, model N4040, the Datsun Bluebird 510.”
She watches as he runs each of them in turn along the edge of the table, while making the appropriate car noises before looking over at Effy and saying, “You need to write what happened down in that book we’re keeping, Eff.”
Effy’s gaze shifts down to Bricker, her voice flooding with emotion when she says, “There’s something wrong with him, isn’t there?”
Naomi instantly starts rubbing soothing circles on Bricker’s back. “I’m sure he’s fine. But, it’s best that we’ve got it written down. Just in case, okay?”
Effy just nods sadly when he jumps down from Naomi’s lap and rushes off out of the kitchen only to return seconds later with more cars, listing each one he brings like some kind of mantra.
Naomi hates the way Effy’s eyes settle on hers a moment later; sharing a look that says they’re just trying to fool themselves.
-----
Where I Stood - Chapter Three: No Longer What You Require (Part Two)
Chapter: No Longer What You Require
Pairing: Naomi/Emily, Effy, JJ
Rating: R for swearing
Word Count: 11,241
Disclaimer: I don't own the Skins characters, I'm just borrowing them for a little while to play in my own world.
Summary:The regrets you make always come back to haunt you...
Where I Stood - Chapter One: What I Wanted To Say
Where I Stood - Chapter Two: Wait It Out
Chapter Three: No Longer What You Require //Back then the days were so much faster. We were young, stubborn and in love with disaster. You know you can’t go back even if you try.\\
It doesn’t feel real. Not for a second. Naomi feels an awful lot like she’s dreaming; her mind wrapped up in some kind of make-believe trance.
It’s only when Emily’s hand slides into her own, her fingers gently digging into her skin as they shake hands, that Naomi comes out of her haze and realises that she is actually awake.
‘This moment is really happening,’ Naomi thinks as Emily’s hand slips away from her own, their skin brushing. The contact between them was only brief but Naomi can already feel that familiar sensation creeping through her fingers and consuming her hand. It tingles unbearably, as if Emily’s marked her skin with one split-second touch.
Naomi can’t stop herself from glancing down at her hand just to check.
It had been a habit of hers when she and Emily had first gotten together. She’d stare at herself in the mirror for long minutes after Emily had touched her, would run her eyes over every inch of her body and search for physical evidence that Emily’s touch could have left behind. It always left Naomi dumbfounded when she couldn’t see any; she could never understand how it was possible for her skin to be intact when Emily’s touch burned.
It still does, Naomi realises as she draws her eyes away from her unmarked hand.
-----
“I still can’t believe it. Naomi Campbell, a teacher,” Emily says disbelievingly, stirring a second sugar into her coffee.
The noise of the spoon clinking against the china cup is enough to force Naomi to look up from her own drink and meet Emily’s gaze for the first time since their earlier collision.
She’d been too shocked initially to do anything more than follow a few steps behind as Mrs. Burton gave Emily the tour of the school. It wasn’t until afterwards, when Emily had suggested that they grab a quick coffee in the staff room that Naomi had finally been able to calm her hammering heart and form enough words to agree.
She sees the cheeky glimmer in Emily’s eyes and immediately feels her mouth quirking into a smile, sarcastically replying, “I blame Kieran, the fucker, and his amazing passion for teaching. Obviously.” Naomi rolls her eyes out of habit, and pauses to sip at her coffee, trying to clear the dryness in her mouth. “My only guess is that his enthusiasm must have somehow rubbed off on me during all those wonderful lessons he gave us at Roundview.”
Emily chuckles at the remark, the corners of her eyes creasing and softening her face beautifully. Says, “Luckily for me all that encouraging Katie did while we were growing up, repeatedly telling me ‘Books are like, for losers, Ems. Do something worthwhile and read Heat, yeah?’ didn’t leave behind a lasting impression.”
Naomi forces a smile in response, isn’t quite sure how to deal with the familiarity that has somehow settled between them almost effortlessly within the last couple of minutes. She doesn’t quite understand how Emily can just be when she’s using all her power just to keep her breathing steady.
She feels her throat itching with the desire to say something, anything even, just to break the heavy tension between them. Isn’t really sure how she can be seeing Emily in front of her and still not really know anything about her. It’s almost unbearable, the way Naomi feels like she’s suddenly back to being seventeen again and immensely unsure of everything.
Naomi’s never been more thankful for irritatingly loud ringtones then when Emily’s phone breaks through the silence. Emily mouths a quick ‘sorry’ in Naomi’s direction before turning away slightly and answering the call.
There’s something about it all, about Emily showing back up in her life out of nowhere, that leaves Naomi feeling completely unsettled. It’s a feeling she hasn’t felt in years; that awful sensation that leaves her feeling like she’s floundering uselessly underwater and never quite able to muster the strength to break through the surface.
It makes her chest clench anxiously.
“Sorry about that,” Emily says turning back to face her a second later while flipping her phone shut. “I hate to cut this short, but I need to get going. That was James. He’s come up for the weekend to help me put furniture together in my new place and I’m worried that the little worm doesn’t really know what he’s doing.”
Naomi pushes a smile onto her face, nodding her head in acknowledgement, and tries her hardest to sound chirpy when she replies, “Well, it’s not like we won’t be seeing each other on a daily basis now. We’ll have loads of time to chit-chat, right, Em?”
The nickname comes out of her mouth without a second thought and Naomi almost feels like she’s overstepped some unspoken rule between old friends who are now in reality complete strangers. She opens her mouth to take it back, or even apologise in some way, but ends up letting it go when Emily beams a smile in her direction, and surprisingly places a hand on her arm.
“I’m already looking forward to it.” Emily lets her eyes trace over Naomi’s face while letting out a shallow breath. Smiles before continuing, “It’s really good to see you, Naomi.”
The sincerity laced in Emily’s tone is enough to make Naomi swallow hard against the lump in her throat before murmuring back. “It’s good to see you, too.”
Emily takes a carefully measured step towards her and, before Naomi can contemplate what’s happening, she finds herself being pulled in towards Emily’s body for a hug. It comes back to her naturally, the way her arms snake around Emily’s waist and tug her closer, her nose burying into ridiculously silky red hair.
It’s entirely intoxicating the way Emily’s tiny frame seems to fit against her perfectly. Naomi finds herself completely unable to stop her eyes from slipping shut as her lungs fill with the scent of Emily’s hair. It comes as a shock to find that it still smells deliciously of berries- makes Naomi instantly wonder what else in Emily’s life has remained the same all these years.
Naomi hears Emily sigh against her shoulder and has to resist the urge that bubbles up within her to brush her lips against the soft skin of Emily’s neck, bites the inside of her cheek to stop herself.
The look on Emily’s face is so content when she pulls away, that it forces Naomi to look away; the fluttering she feels creeping into her stomach is quickly becoming far too much.
Emily presses her lips to Naomi’s cheek before she leaves and says, “This has all been a massive surprise but I’m really glad you’re here.”
‘Me, too,’ Naomi thinks, watching as Emily walks away and wishes that it didn’t leave her feeling like everything is spinning completely out of her control.
-----
She finds Effy in the kitchen when she gets home. “Hey.”
Effy throws her hand up in a way of greeting, her eyes never leaving the pile of paperwork she has spread out in front of her on the table.
Naomi stays put, hovers in the doorway and listens to the sound of Effy’s pen scratching against the paper, until Effy looks up at her after a few minutes with a mixture of annoyance and concern. “What’s wrong?”
Naomi mulls it over in her head, still can’t quite believe that it’s all really happened. She settles for letting out a sigh and slumping into the chair opposite Effy, says, “I got introduced to the school’s new teacher today.”
“Oh?” Effy drops her eyes back down to her work, losing interest in the conversation quickly.
Naomi bites at her lip and takes a carefully measured breath before finally saying, “It’s Emily.”
Effy slowly lifts her head and stares back at her silently, seemingly weighing out the whole situation in her head before carefully asking, “Are you okay?”
It’s the easiest question she’s been asked all day and yet Naomi doesn’t really know how to answer it. She isn’t sure whether she’s allowed to say ‘no’ after all the time that’s passed. Just knows that she can’t stop thinking about Emily’s face, and Emily’s eyes, and Emily’s smile...
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Naomi feels a headache coming on and instantly rubs her fingers against her temples to try and ease the pain, closes her eyes against the room’s bright light. “It was just a bit of shock, that’s all.”
She hears Effy move about in the kitchen, opens her eyes a moment later to see Effy sliding a glass of water in front of her along with some painkillers. “How was she?” Effy asks once Naomi’s swallowed down the tablets.
Naomi shrugs dismissively. “She seemed well.”
Effy nods her head once, knowing that this is as much as Naomi is willing to talk about it at the moment. It’s something Naomi’s always liked about their friendship, that mutual understanding that some things just need to be left alone until the time is right.
Naomi goes off to get Bricker ready for bed and leaves Effy to continue with her work. Doesn’t let herself think about Emily again until much later that night when she’s sitting downstairs on the couch long after everyone’s gone to bed. Finds herself tearing up without reason; tries desperately not to let the tears fall.
She hears the flooring creak a moment later as Effy enters the room, slips onto the couch next to her without a word and instantly reaches for Naomi’s hand.
They’re silent for a long time before Naomi barely whispers, “I’ve never stopped missing her.”
Effy doesn’t say anything in return, doesn’t need to ask who Naomi means, just squeezes her hand a little tighter in a way that says she’s known all along.
-----
Naomi wakes up with a pounding headache on Monday morning and wishes that the thought of seeing Emily again didn’t leave her feeling horribly unprepared.
She gets ready for work slower than usual, takes time out of her morning routine to watch cartoons with Bricker and ignores the knowing look Effy shoots her from the doorway when she calls him up to have his bath.
It’s harder than Naomi remembers, trying to avoid someone, especially Emily, who always did seem to have her clocked on some kind of bizarre radar. She parks her car in the space furthest from the school entrance and just manages to slip unnoticed past Mrs Burton and Emily when she passes by the staff room, shielding herself from their view behind a particularly tall student.
Her ability to hide doesn’t last though. It never did.
Emily finds her during their lunch hour, knocks lightly on the door to Naomi’s classroom with her elbow and holds up two packets of sandwiches with a smile; lingering in the doorway until Naomi looks up in her direction.
“Hope you don’t mind some company? The other teachers here aren’t very conversational and one old guy keeps staring at my tits.”
Naomi laughs and accepts the sandwich Emily passes her. “That’ll be Mr. Fuller. He does like to ogle every slightly developed girl in sight- fucking pervert.”
Emily grins back at her before saying, “Thanks for the warning. I’ll be sure not to wear a low-cut top then.”
The eat in silence for a few moments until Naomi feels like she can’t ignore the way she can see Emily looking at her from out of the corner of her eye, decides it’s best to try and crush the slight awkwardness between them with a friendly question.
“So...” Naomi wipes her hands on a tissue and smiles at Emily as genuinely as she can. “How’s your first day going so far, Miss Fitch?”
Emily shrugs in a way that Naomi finds infuriating cute before replying, “Not too bad. Most of the kids here seem like a good bunch, so that’s always a plus.”
“Not to be horrible, Em, but you really haven’t been here long enough to pick up on the ones that are little shits. They’re probably still testing you.”
“Testing me?”
Naomi nods her head with a smile. “When I first started here they all acted like little angels and I thought I’d struck it lucky. By the second week they’d come to the conclusion that I’d be a push over and started acting out. In the end I had to pull out some of my wonderful wittiness to keep them all in check.”
“Ah, I see,” Emily says through a smile. “Thanks for the advice; I’ll have to start laying down the law early then.”
It makes Naomi chuckle unexpectedly, the idea of Emily being firm with anyone, but then she remembers James finding them making out in Emily’s room that one time and how Emily had managed to shut him up and make him promise that he wouldn’t say a word without having to bribe him at all. Stern Emily had been one of the hottest things Naomi had ever seen, and Emily had made damn sure to keep up her newfound sternness once she’d noticed the look of utter lust darkening Naomi’s eyes after James had been thrown out of the room.
The memory alone is enough to make Naomi blush furiously and she quickly fires out the first question that comes to her mind in the hopes that Emily hasn’t already seen the flush now covering her cheeks. “How was life in Sheffield, then?”
She immediately sees the look of shock that crosses over Emily’s face, as if she wasn’t expecting Naomi to ever bring that question up, and knows it must be mirrored somewhat across her own face when Emily shuffles in her seat and clears her throat; is thankful when Emily chooses to answer rather safely.
“Sheffield was great. I had great fun at Uni and ended up working at a really nice school once I’d finished up my degree.”
“How come you ended up moving to London?” Naomi feels the blood pounding heavily in her ears, doesn’t know why her brain and vocal cords don’t seem to be cooperating in any way. It’s like some kind of awful word vomit that she doesn’t know how to stop. Questions that she’s not sure she wants answers to.
It doesn’t go unnoticed the way that Emily takes a deep breath and doesn’t seem to be able to meet her eyes when she says, “It wasn’t really my idea to come to London but my girlfriend, Rachel, got offered a better job here, so...” The last part of Emily’s sentence comes out cautiously, as if she’s not quite sure how much truth to offer up in this delicate situation.
The blow hits hard.
Naomi feels her chest locking up at Emily’s words and squeezing all the air from her lungs. Leaves her feeling a horrible mixture of lightheaded and sick.
It comes as a kind of disorientation that she doesn’t remember ever having experienced before. It makes Naomi instantly think of falling.
She just about manages to say, “That’s great, Emily,” before the bell rings and she finds herself hitting the ground harshly; realisation of Emily’s words slowly sinking into her broken body.
-----
It’s almost midnight when Effy finds her out on the back steps smoking and nursing a half empty bottle of vodka. Effy settles down onto the step next to her; their shoulders and knees bumping together as she does so. Asks, “Momentarily regressing?”
Naomi takes another drink of the vodka. Doesn’t meet Effy’s gaze when she replies, “Something like that, yeah.”
Effy accepts the half smoked cigarette that Naomi offers her but declines the vodka with a quick shake of her head. “This might be none of my business but I thought we were past that stage in life where drinking straight from the bottle helped?”
Naomi sniggers, shakes the bottle gently and watches as the clear liquid splashes against the inside of the glass. It makes her wonder briefly, what it must feel like to be trapped inside and not be able to take part in the world happening just on the other side of the glass; to see but never really participate.
Thinks maybe she’s been fooling herself all these years, that maybe she never really broke out of her bottle and escaped to freedom. Thinks that perhaps she’s just deluded herself that watching and living is somehow the same thing.
“Emily’s seeing someone.” Effy raises an eyebrow and takes another long drag out of her cigarette; crushes the butt to the ground when she’s finished with it. “She’s the reason why Em’s here... Jesus, Emily moved to London just to be with this woman.”
Naomi feels more than hears as Effy releases a sigh and mentally braces herself for whatever Effy’s response will be. “What did you expect, Naomi? That during these seven years Emily wouldn’t have moved on and dated?”
“Of course not.” Naomi relinquishes under Effy’s gaze and turns her head to face her. “I knew she would have dated, but this, whatever this relationship she’s in now, it must be serious if she’s moved her whole life to London just to keep them together.”
Effy purses her lips together and is silent for a long minute before reasoning, “You missed your chance, Nae.”
It’s the way that Effy says it like it’s some kind of sorry fact that makes Naomi feel anger bubble to the surface. Glares at Effy and says, “You don’t think I know that?”
Effy doesn’t even flinch at her outburst, just keeps staring at Naomi intensely. “She’s not yours, Naomi. You chose to let her go, remember?”
She bites at her bottom lip before releasing a shallow breath and murmuring a defeated, “I know, okay?”
Naomi doesn’t bother to add that it’s still the biggest regret of her life, suspects Effy already knows when she wraps an arm around her shoulders and hugs her into the side of her body; lips brushing a gentle kiss to the top of her head.
-----
The next couple of weeks pass by rather uneventfully.
She doesn’t go out of her way to seek Emily out, but when they are together during their lunch break she makes a sincere effort to get comfortable with their new-found friendship. Knows that she’s just going to have to get used to crushing down that desire she feels building up within her whenever Emily accidentally brushes against her or touches her in a friendly gesture.
Naomi finds the whole thing a lot easier to do once Emily stops mentioning Rachel - during one of their lunch time chats, Emily had mentioned that Rachel was finishing off a case with a client in Sheffield and wouldn’t be joining her in the move to London for another two and a bit months. Without warning Naomi had swiftly made up a quick excuse to leave, ignoring Emily’s dejected protests for her to stay - luckily for her, Emily hadn’t mentioned Rachel again after that second failed attempt.
Naomi can’t be sure whether it’s because Emily’s caught onto the way that any mention of Rachel seems to leave her uneasy or whether Emily just feels awkward talking about her current girlfriend with her ex.
Either way Naomi’s eternally grateful that she doesn’t have to hear about the woman that’s replaced her in Emily’s heart on a daily basis.
-----
The first thing Naomi notices when Effy walks through the door on Saturday afternoon - with bags full of shopping - is how incredibly tense and tired she looks.
She sees Bricker run into the living room as Effy dumps the bags down on the kitchen table with a deep sigh. “Is everything all right?”
Effy slumps down into one of the kitchen chairs and reaches up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “He was a fucking nightmare again, Nae.”
“What happened this time?” Naomi glances past Effy’s shoulder just to make sure Bricker isn’t lingering behind them. “Worse than he normally is?”
Effy lets out a broken laugh. “Oh, it’s definitely getting worse.”
Naomi watches as Effy leans forward and snatches a cigarette from her packet, instantly lighting it up and inhaling several deep breaths, before asking, “Are you sure?”
“The way we normally go to the supermarket was being re-paved so we had to walk on the other side of the street and he pretty much lost it; started crying uncontrollably for no reason. Then, once we actually got to the supermarket and he’d calmed down a bit, some old lady said he was cute and went to ruffle his hair and he flinched away from her like she was going to hurt him... and not to mention he hasn’t stopped babbling away and listing those bloody Hot Wheels cars that he likes.”
Naomi opens her mouth to respond but stops herself as Bricker rushes into the kitchen and climbs onto her lap holding onto two of his cars and muttering, “Number 5, model N4008 the Ferrari 250 GTO and number 37, model N4040, the Datsun Bluebird 510.”
She watches as he runs each of them in turn along the edge of the table, while making the appropriate car noises before looking over at Effy and saying, “You need to write what happened down in that book we’re keeping, Eff.”
Effy’s gaze shifts down to Bricker, her voice flooding with emotion when she says, “There’s something wrong with him, isn’t there?”
Naomi instantly starts rubbing soothing circles on Bricker’s back. “I’m sure he’s fine. But, it’s best that we’ve got it written down. Just in case, okay?”
Effy just nods sadly when he jumps down from Naomi’s lap and rushes off out of the kitchen only to return seconds later with more cars, listing each one he brings like some kind of mantra.
Naomi hates the way Effy’s eyes settle on hers a moment later; sharing a look that says they’re just trying to fool themselves.
-----
Where I Stood - Chapter Three: No Longer What You Require (Part Two)