Where I Stood - Chapter Six: Collide [Skins; Naomi/Emily] - Part Two
Where I Stood - Chapter Six: Collide (Part One)
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“So...” Katie says after they’ve both taken several sips of their coffees.
Naomi stiffens involuntarily and looks up at Katie sheepishly, “Is this the part where you tell me to leave Emily alone again? That she’s yours?”
Katie smiles unexpectedly and lets out a chuckle. “I can’t believe I ever fucking said that in the first place, I mean, how gross does that sound?” Naomi smiles too and can’t help feel slightly more relaxed now that she’s pretty certain Katie’s not going to slap her or anything. “She hasn’t actually said all that much about what’s going on between you two this time.”
“Oh,” Naomi murmurs, feels almost disappointed that Emily hasn’t cared enough to tell Katie when she knows that Emily almost always tells Katie, even when she claims to hate her sometimes.
“It’s not that she doesn’t feel whatever it is that’s going on or, like, want to talk about it, though.” Katie assures her. “It’s just-- Emily’s not as, like, heart and emotions on her sleeve anymore, y’know?” Naomi nods her head but doesn’t attempt to say anything in response. “I knew something was going on though, because the moment she mentioned that you worked at the school she was starting at, she got all, quiet and pensive and shit and the only person that’s ever made her that withdrawn is you.”
“Thanks,” Naomi scoffs, hating that it’s partly true. “And what about you, Katiekins, I’m guessing you didn’t have the same effect on her as I did?” She knows it was a stupid thing to say when Katie’s eyes flash with a mixture of hurt and regret. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t--” Naomi pinches at the bridge of her nose as if it will force her brain to slow down and process her thoughts before she speaks.
Katie shakes her head with a small shrug. “Don’t worry about it, yeah? I mean, you’re right, me and you combined made the majority of Emily’s teenaged years shitty, didn’t we?”
Naomi swallows down hard against the lump that has formed in her throat. “Yeah... we did.”
“Things change though, yeah? I mean, we grew up, right? Stopped being self-absorbed morons?”
“Definitely.” Naomi pauses and lets out a shaky breath. “Why did you call to meet with me if you’re not here to tell me to leave Emily the hell alone?”
Katie purses her lips together for a second and says, “To ask you to go back to London.”
“I knew it,” Naomi explodes, feeling the anger bubble up inside her as she pierces Katie with a venomous glare. “I fucking knew from the moment I saw you sitting in here that you’d try and get rid of me again. So much for bloody change, you bitch.”
Naomi pushes her chair back with a screech and is shocked to see Katie pushing to her own feet, her eyes wide in irritation as she growls, “Sit the fuck down, Naomi.” When she doesn’t make a move to sit back down Katie quirks an eyebrow and says forcefully, “Now.”
There’s something about the way Katie’s eyes are almost pleading her to sit that make Naomi stay, lowering herself back down into her seat cautiously.
“I meant it when I said that I wasn’t out to get you, all right?” Katie says once she’s settled back down too, all the warning in her voice disappeared. “Despite what you think about me, or like to fucking think you know about me, I am actually trying to help you here.”
“By telling me to go back to London?” Naomi asks disbelieving. “I’m sorry that I’m having a hard time believing that you actually want to help me, Katie, but you’ve hated me for as long as I can remember. So I’m sorry if I’m not all that trusting of this new version of you.”
“I didn’t hate you, Naomi.” Katie replies with a shake of her head.
“Yes you did, you loathed me Katie.” Naomi knows it’s true, thinks it’s ridiculous that Katie could ever claim to not have wanted her out of their lives for good. “You couldn’t stand that Emily loved me, or that we were together. You pretty much made things impossible for us sometimes.”
“I was threatened by you, all right?” Katie retorts defensively, her cheeks flushing a mild pink as she momentarily averts Naomi’s gaze.
Naomi stares at her for a few seconds, because when had Katie Fitch ever been threatened by anyone other than Effy and her wild rock handling ways? She feels her face contort with confusion when she asks a baffled, “What?”
“I didn’t hate you Naomi. I don’t hate you.” Katie says softly, almost as if she’s embarrassed to be admitting it. “But you’ve got to understand that I hated what you meant to Emily and what that meant for me.”
Naomi blinks a few times, as if hoping that will somehow help this all add up. “I don’t understand; it doesn’t make sense, Katie.”
Katie lets out a heavy sigh and looks directly at her. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to go through every stage of your life with someone, practically attached at the hip, sharing moments that other people don’t. It’s unique, that bond I have with Ems. As far as I was aware I was the only person who understood her, who got her, and she was that person for me too.” She pauses for a brief second as she looks Naomi over. “But then you came along out of nowhere and Emily, fuck knows why, was drawn to you.”
Naomi smirks in response. “Must have been my good looks and dazzling charm, don’t you think?”
Katie rolls her eyes. “You’re missing the point, you cow.”
“And what point’s that?” Naomi asks seriously.
“That you were replacing me.” Katie breathes out looking rather horrified and ashamed to be actually saying so.
Naomi can’t stop herself from breaking out into a laugh. “Katie that’s absurd. I could never replace you. Emily loves you more than I’ll ever understand and even when we were together you were still the one person she always defended, always cared and worried about. Her loving me didn’t change that.” She sees the unease that flashes through Katie’s eyes and offers her a small smile. “Jesus, some of our biggest fights were about you and even when they weren’t you were somehow always this lingering, unresolved issue between us.”
“I know that now, yeah?” Katie replies, still looking a little uncomfortable but relaxing slightly. “But at the time if felt like you were taking her away from me and that you didn’t even care all that much, that you didn’t really want her. And it made me angry, I didn’t get how Emily could still want you even when you treated her like shit, even when you ran away and pushed her away she always came back for more.”
“I don’t get it either. She was obviously a glutton for punishment.” Naomi says sadly.
Katie shakes her head with a small smile. “No, she was just blindly in love with you, Naomi.”
Naomi feels her eyes stinging at Katie’s words and has to look away from her. “Yeah, well apparently she’s not anymore. She doesn’t want me anywhere near her. And why would she, I’ve cocked her life up twice now, haven’t I?”
“Trust me, she still loves you Naomi, but as much as Emily’s changed, part of her is still the same and it’s all a little shocking and overwhelming for her to love you for the first time with her eyes open, to see you and not the version of you she dreamt up in her fantasies.”
Naomi’s quiet for a long moment, can’t think of anything to say except, “I really fucking love her, Katie.”
“I know.” Katie replies sincerely as she reaches out and covers Naomi’s hand with her own. “That’s why I’m asking you to go back to London. You need to give her some time on her own to figure this all out for herself and when she’s ready to, she’ll seek you out, yeah?”
Naomi has to wipe at her eyes and forces out a chuckle, “Fuck’s sake, Katie, when did you get so bloody wise, huh?”
“Around the same time that you realised what a mistake you’d made letting Ems go, I should think.”
Naomi laughs. “Did you have to have these sorts of chats with Rachel, make sure she knew that she’d never love Emily as much as you?”
Katie rolls her eyes but then smiles genuinely, “No need. She never scared me the way you did.” Naomi can’t help but smile softly back at her. “Plus, I could have taken her if she’d caused any trouble.”
Naomi smirks in response. “Katie Fitch, still one badass motherfucker.”
“And don’t you forget it.” Katie says proudly.
“How could I? I can still feel the sting in my cheek from when you slapped me at the love-ball.” Naomi teases, reaching up and playfully rubbing at her face.
“Yeah, well, hopefully I won’t have to whack some sense into you again anytime soon since it seems like you’ve finally got your head fixed on properly.”
Naomi rolls her eyes and then grows serious. “So I just go back to London and wait?”
Katie nods. “Yeah, trust me. I know how Ems thinks about these sorts of things and she just needs time. Can you give her that?”
“Yes.” Naomi replies as she stands. “But will you make sure to tell her that I love her and I’ll wait as long as it takes.”
“No need, she already knows you soppy twat.”
It’s still a little surprising, then, when Katie tentatively pulls her into a hug, squeezing her just the once as if that settles the last of their feud. “I’ll call you and let you know how she’s doing, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” She offers Katie one final smile before she turns on her heel to leave, stopping only when she realises there’s something she’s forgotten. “Katie?”
“Yeah?” Katie asks, looking up at her with wide eyes.
Naomi swallows down the lump in her throat and smiles at Katie when she says honestly, “Thanks.”
Katie looks mildly shocked by her admission, but then she catches herself before she can really falter and smiles back warmly. “You’re welcome.”
As Naomi makes to leave again, she can’t help but feel like it’s the start of something new, that the first significant piece has finally fallen into place.
-----
She doesn’t see her mum again before she heads back to London the next morning, just leaves her a note that says, ‘thanks for always being there - love Naomi x’ and knows that her mum is smart enough to read between the lines and take all that she still struggles to say but means to.
-----
The smell of coffee and bacon rush Naomi’s senses the second she sets foot in the door, and it’s almost strange when she realises that it doesn’t feel wrong or intrusive for JJ to be sat in the kitchen eating breakfast with Effy and Bricker.
It feels nice, getting home to find her makeshift family looking more like a real family unit than she’s ever seen them do before. Can’t help herself from smiling when she sees Bricker perched on JJ’s leg and watching in amazement at whatever magic trick JJ is wowing him with this time, while Effy stands over at the cooker and uses her spatula to prod at the food she’s frying.
“Hope there’s some left for me.” Naomi says as she enters the room properly, giving herself away and smiling brightly when they all look up to greet her.
Bricker’s the first one to say hello to her properly, jumping down from his place in JJ’s lap and running over to her for a hug. She bobs down and pulls him in close, playfully placing kisses on his face and tickling him until he pulls away giggling.
JJ extends a goofy wave and a smile at her and says, “Glad you’re back in one piece, not that you wouldn’t be but--” He shakes his head to stop himself from continuing on his tangent. “These two have missed you, is what I was aiming to explain.”
Effy rolls her eyes but shoots him a fond smile before moving over to wrap Naomi in a hug, clinging to her with a tight squeeze.
“Jesus, Eff, you’re squeezing all the air out of me here.” Naomi laughs, wrapping her arms around Effy in return.
“Shut up,” Effy says hugging her tighter for a second just for added effect before pulling back and studying her face seriously, as if she’s searching for signs of covered up damage. “Are you all right?”
It never fails to warm her heart when she sees the genuine worry in Effy’s eyes, as if all of the effort she spent trying to pretend that she didn’t give a fuck about anything or anyone has completely dwindled away over the years.
Naomi runs her hand up Effy’s arm to ease her tension. “I’m okay, I promise. No physical damage.”
“Good.” Effy replies with a soft smile before glancing back over her shoulder at the frying pan. “You want a bacon sandwich and one of my famous strong cups of coffee?”
“Sounds good. Thanks.” Naomi says as she joins JJ and Bricker at the table and tries not to let think about what Emily’s doing back in Bristol, reminds herself to stay calm and wait for Emily to come to her.
-----
She goes up to her room to catch up on lost sleep when they’re finished with breakfast, excuses herself by stifling a yawn that wordlessly explains where she’s headed.
When Naomi collapses onto her bed she instantly reaches out for the pillow next to her, the pillow Emily had slept on, and pulls it into her arms, hugging it close to her body and burying her nose firmly into the material to breath in the lingering scent of Emily’s perfume.
It’s become almost like a habit, to cuddle up to a pillow while she’s asleep, but Naomi finds that the only time she properly sleeps is when she pretends its Emily wrapped up in her arms and sleeping peacefully beside her.
Morning always comes as a disappointment, one that stopped being surprising after the first three times, because she knows it’s not really Emily that she falls asleep next to every night and yet Naomi still holds on to that little bit of hope that a miracle would have happened while she slept, and so she always blinks her eyes open slowly, wishing that her vision will be flooded with red.
It never is.
-----
Naomi wakes to find Effy perched gently on the end of her bed, watching over her with a fond smile that makes Naomi sleepily flip her off as her eyes adjust, mumbles, “Since when did you turn into a creepy sleep watcher?”
She feels more than sees Effy smirk in response, and shuffles over rubbing at her eyes to get a better look at her. Effy merely grins wickedly and extends her cup of coffee, says, “Since you started randomly disappearing for days and only leaving an awfully vague note behind in your wake.”
Naomi pushes herself up against the headboard and accepts the coffee from Effy’s grasp, taking a few large sips to quell the dryness in her mouth. “Yeah, sorry about that, it was a bit shitty of me.”
“Just a tad.” Effy replies dryly.
“You were worried.” Naomi states in amusement, watching as Effy shifts uncomfortably, and then laughs when Effy shoots her a glare. “You’re so sweet and sensitive Effykins.”
“Fuck off.” Effy replies, trying not to smile at Naomi’s teasing comment. She purses her lips together seriously a second later and looks over Naomi pensively, a look that Naomi knows that means Effy is quietly analysing her, and never fails to make her feel self-conscious. After a few long seconds Effy breathes, “No physical damage, then.”
And just like that Effy’s changed the direction of their conversation with one subtle comment. Naomi swallows another sip of the coffee and asks, “Where’s JJ and Bricker?”
“JJ offered to take Bricker out for the afternoon.” Effy replies willingly. “He wanted to give us some time alone... in case you wanted to talk.”
“Talk,” Naomi echoes and then releases a shaky breath. “About the damage I sustained that isn’t physical?”
Effy smiles gently. “Only if you want to.”
Naomi lets out a deep breath and reaches over to set the cup on her bedside table. “Well, after Rachel came here to let me know that she’d broken up with Emily so that I could have her back, I hurried on down to Bristol in a very knight in shining armour manner that I thought would impress Em, only to get there for her to tell me that us getting back together isn’t going to happen anytime soon.”
“Oh,” Effy replies sadly. “Do you want to get drunk and fucked up? I’m sure I still have some weed lying around in the back of one of my draws.”
“Thanks but that won’t be necessary.” Effy raises her eyebrows questioningly as Naomi runs a hand through her hair and then reaches over to swipe her cigarettes off of her bedside table, sticking one in her mouth and lighting it before throwing the pack and her lighter over to Effy. “I got some advice from an unexpected source.”
“Who?” Effy asks, creasing her face up. “Please tell me Panda isn’t still walking the streets of Bristol, because I can guarantee if she’s your advice guru, then you’ve been duped.”
Naomi shakes her head and exhales a trail of smoke. “As helpful as I’m sure she would have been, no, not Panda.”
“Then who?”
“It was Katie, actually.”
She watches as Effy’s hand stills mid motion to her mouth, her eyes widening in surprise. “Katie as in Katie Fitch? The girl who hates me and you, equally.”
Naomi lets out an amused chuckle. “In all fairness I think she probably hates you more. I never dented her head with a rock and left her for dead, after all.”
“No, just shagged her sister and left her heartbroken,” Effy replies with a daring smirk and laughter glimmering in her eyes that takes the sting right out of her words.
“Ouch.” Naomi lifts her hand to her chest mockingly. “Hit me where it hurts, why don’t you.”
“What was this so called advice from our lord and saviour Katie “leopardprint” Fitch?” Effy asks dryly.
Naomi can’t help but smile and roll her eyes. “She’s not that bad anymore, Eff. Believe it or not she appears to have grown up too.” Effy nods in response and looks on at Naomi expectedly. “She just told me to come back to London and wait.”
“Just wait?” Effy asks after a few seconds.
“Yeah.” Naomi nods her head in confirmation. “She said Emily will come to me when she’s ready to discuss things, but until then I should basically back off and give her some space.”
“I see,” Effy replies, licking the tip of her thumb and pinching the end of her cigarette, successfully putting it out.
Naomi watches her for a few seconds as Effy stands from the bed and heads over to her window, opening it and flicking out the dead cigarette butt, and when Effy doesn’t willingly elaborate on her comment, Naomi pierces her with a look and says, “You think its shit advice?”
Effy turns back to her with an unreadable expression on her face and eventually says, “No. I think it’s good advice.”
“Really?” Naomi asks disbelievingly, still remotely feeling like she should be doing more to convince Emily that they should be together.
“I think Katie knows her sister better than we do in some respects.”
“Yeah, I know, it’s just...” Naomi sighs in agreement before trailing off. “I feel so helpless, and powerless just doing nothing.” She sees as Effy’s lips quirk up into a smile then and can’t help herself asking, “What?”
“It’s just interesting now that the roles are reversed.” Effy says somewhat cryptically, and only continuing when she sees confusion registering on Naomi’s face. “Now that you have to wait for Emily, after all that time she had to spend waiting for you to figure it out. It’s just a little ironic, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” Naomi replies quietly as Effy’s words begin to sink in.
Just hopes that Emily won’t make her wait as long as she made Emily wait for her, but knows deep down that in the end it doesn’t actually matter, not when she’ll happily resign herself to being patient forever if it means that there’s any chance Emily will one day be hers again.
-----
It takes Naomi a little while for that anxious itching sensation that creeps into her skin and invades her in every possible way- at every possible chance, to be pushed to the back of her mind. She knows it isn’t healthy, to not be able to switch it off- thinking about Emily, worrying about whether Katie is right about being patient, or whether she’s just waiting out a storm that will never end, but she can’t help herself, not for the first few days when every minute that passes feels like an eternity.
She catches herself staring at her phone, willing it with her eyes to just ring, to be able to answer the call to hear Emily’s voice on the other side of the line telling her that she’s had time to think about it all and everything’s fine now, that she’s coming back to London, back to Naomi, and that they’ll work the rest out together- but it doesn’t happen. There’s not even a text message or a voice mail, no word at all, from Emily or Katie, and it only serves to make Naomi feel worse, makes her think that perhaps she should have stayed in Bristol and forced Emily to talk to her, even when she knows deep down that it only would have made things worse for them all.
It gets unbearable towards the end of the that first week- being back at work and expecting to catch sight of Emily walking down the corridor through the sea of students or to walk into the staff room to be greeted by Emily sitting there waiting for her to share their lunch break, only to know in reality that she won’t be anywhere around.
She feels like she almost drowning by the time Katie actually calls her - sometime during the second week - as if the longer she’s away from Emily the further she gets dragged under the crashing waves and the harder she has to fight just to keep breathing on a daily basis.
“She’s getting there,” Katie says when Naomi answers her phone hurriedly. “Slowly.”
And it makes Naomi feel like groaning, whinging in frustration because as much as she wants to give Emily the time and space she needs, the more she misses her; craves so badly just to see her as if Emily is an addiction that she can’t stop wanting even when she knows she should.
“How slowly?” Naomi asks, trying not to sound too hopeful but failing completely.
Katie sighs. “I can’t answer that, Naomi, you know that. You promised to be patient, so just be patient, all right.”
“I’m trying, okay? It’s just hard. I miss her,” Naomi breathes, feeling pathetic and weak but not caring at all.
“Just a little bit longer, okay?” Katie says encouragingly, her voice gentle and sweet. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll call you soon, yeah?”
Naomi nods, forgets that Katie can’t see her and after a brief pause murmurs back, “Yeah, okay.” and listens as the line goes dead- hopes that soon really does come sooner rather than later.
-----
Katie starts calling daily by the fourth week, doesn’t update Naomi much on Emily’s progress other than saying, “She’s getting there.” much like she had done the very first time.
Only Naomi’s learnt to stop asking what that means, because whenever she asks Katie goes silent before replying, “She just needs time.” which does nothing but leave Naomi feeling like she’s grasping out for answers that she’s too short to reach; endlessly hoping but never getting her wish.
Instead she asks silly questions like, “Is she eating normally?” or “Is she talking much?” or “Has she smiled yet?” and it doesn’t matter how many times she asks them, or how irritated Katie gets repeating the answers, it always makes Naomi feel that little bit more optimistic when Katie replies with something like, “She actually laughed today and looked like she wasn’t about to crumble under the strain of everything, so keep waiting, yeah? I think she’s healing.”
Naomi knows it’s not much, but it feels like enough for now.
------
The call in the sixth week is the one that cracks her, reduces her to sniffling on the phone because it finally feels like progress, maybe not necessarily for them, but for Emily, and it’s only amplified by the way in which Katie delivers the news in such an overly happy way that she lisps heavily for the first time in ages.
“What’s the news then?” Naomi asks cautiously when she picks up only to be greeted with Katie letting out a breath that sounds light rather than achingly heavy.
“She mentioned Rachel today,” is all Katie replies with, and it forces a lump to lodge hard in Naomi’s throat.
“Oh...”
But Katie must pick up in the discontentment in her voice because a second later she replies, “No, no, not like that. She doesn’t like, want to get back with her or anything, you silly twat.”
Naomi releases a shaky breath at the answer, feeling relived and anxious all at the same time. “What did she say then?”
“That she feels guilty, Naomi.”
“And?” Naomi asks sounding desperate.
She can almost hear Katie smiling through the phone when she says, “And she’s trying to figure out a way to forgive herself.”
It makes her eyes sting then, knowing that Emily’s anger is beginning to pass, that she appears to be looking for a way to move forward and not back, is no longer standing still and punishing herself for damage she didn’t ever mean to cause; the damage that Naomi knows was forgiven long ago.
Naomi doesn’t manage to choke out more than, “Thank you.” in response, and it doesn’t matter a second later when Katie replies, “You’re welcome.” that she didn’t mean it directly for her, is just thankful that it finally feels a little like the world is giving them all a second chance and letting them gradually move on.
-----
Katie doesn’t call in the seventh week.
It fills Naomi with worry that there’s been a setback and when she can’t get hold of Katie no matter how many times she tries, she ends up crying herself to sleep and wonders if hoping alone is enough to keep her surviving through this never ending wait.
Doesn’t think it is.
-----
She feels like shit on Monday morning, turns off her alarm and buries herself back under the covers with a groan, doesn’t think she can face another day pretending that she’s okay when all she wants to do is fall apart and hope that Emily will magically show up to hold her together.
Her plan is foiled moments later when she feels her mattress dip ever so slightly, the weight of a small body climbing over her own until the covers are drawn away from her face by small hands and Bricker’s cheeky grin.
“Morning, Nae!” He bellows happily, bouncing up and down and causing his body to crash land over her stomach and steal the air from her lungs.
“Brickster,” Naomi wheezes back, managing to free her arms and remove him from on top of her, and pulls him in for a cuddle instead.
Bricker wiggles in her grip though and pats his palm against her cheek. “You can’t go back to sleeps, Nae, it’s naughty.” She blinks her eyes open and tries not to frown at him for being annoyingly right. “I want toast,” he adds, shuffling until he’s on his knees and tugging at her arm.
“Where’s your mum? Can’t she get you it?” Naomi asks irritably as she rubs tiredly at her eyes.
He stares back at her in response, his eyes blinking rapidly and his expression practically neutral as if he’s suddenly lost track of what they’re talking about, and it’s only when Naomi notices his bottom lip quivering that she realises she’s taking her frustration out on a four year old.
She reaches for him before he can scamper away and presses a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Sorry Brickster, I was being grumpy. We’ll go get your toast, okay?” He nods mutely in response and runs off out of her room before she has a chance to trail behind him.
By the time she gets downstairs, she’s just in time to see Effy kissing JJ goodbye at the door, scantily clad in a button up shirt that Naomi instantly clocks as something of JJ’s. Effy looks almost surprised to see her when she closes the door and turns around, a faint blush spreading across her face.
“Sleep over?” Naomi teases, cocking her eyebrow.
Effy fakes a cough and tucks a piece of loose hair behind her ear. “He was just-- well...” She looks up when Naomi laughs and flips her off. “Fine, he stayed over.”
“No wonder I slept like shit, I was wondering what that squeaking was.” Naomi waggles her eyebrows and accepts the shove Effy issues her as they make their way into the kitchen. “Seriously though, good night?” If anything the question only serves to make Effy blush harder and Naomi laughs. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Effy ruffles her hand through Bricker’s hair as she passes by him to flick the kettle on, turning back when he tugs at her arm. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”
Naomi watches as his eyes drift over to her before flicking away quickly and instantly feels a stab of guilt settle painfully in her chest.”I was a C-O-W to him this morning,” Naomi mumbles sadly and offers Effy an apologetic look even as she reaches her arms out for Bricker. “Nae’s sorry she was mean this morning. I promise I’ll put extra jam on your toast, okay?” Bricker looks over at her unsurely and it leaves Naomi feeling desperate to make it up to him. “Can I have a hug, Brickster?”
He looks momentarily reluctant before letting go of Effy’s hand and willingly moving into Naomi’s arms for a hug. She squeezes him tightly and presses a kiss to his little shoulder, and whispers ‘sorry’ again.
“Toast with extra jam, Nae.” Bricker grins at her when he pulls away and Naomi feels herself rush with overwhelming relief.
“Coming right up, buddy.” She smiles brightly at him before setting about making his toast, trying to ignore the look Effy’s shooting at her but failing miserably. “I’m sorry I upset him, okay? I didn’t mean to.”
“Nae, I know that but,” Effy shakes her head as Naomi passes Bricker over his plate of toast and then looks back at Naomi wearily. “Are you all right?”
Naomi runs a hand messily through her hair and lets out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, I’m fine... I just, I miss her so much Eff, I feel like I’m suffocating here without her and I know I’m powerless to do anything.” She shrugs tiredly. “It’s just getting to me, I guess.”
Effy smiles softly and squeezes her arm. “She’ll be back soon, okay? I promise.”
Naomi takes a bite of her own toast and mumbles back a helpless, “I hope so.”
-----
Where I Stood - Chapter Six: Collide (Part Three)
-----
“So...” Katie says after they’ve both taken several sips of their coffees.
Naomi stiffens involuntarily and looks up at Katie sheepishly, “Is this the part where you tell me to leave Emily alone again? That she’s yours?”
Katie smiles unexpectedly and lets out a chuckle. “I can’t believe I ever fucking said that in the first place, I mean, how gross does that sound?” Naomi smiles too and can’t help feel slightly more relaxed now that she’s pretty certain Katie’s not going to slap her or anything. “She hasn’t actually said all that much about what’s going on between you two this time.”
“Oh,” Naomi murmurs, feels almost disappointed that Emily hasn’t cared enough to tell Katie when she knows that Emily almost always tells Katie, even when she claims to hate her sometimes.
“It’s not that she doesn’t feel whatever it is that’s going on or, like, want to talk about it, though.” Katie assures her. “It’s just-- Emily’s not as, like, heart and emotions on her sleeve anymore, y’know?” Naomi nods her head but doesn’t attempt to say anything in response. “I knew something was going on though, because the moment she mentioned that you worked at the school she was starting at, she got all, quiet and pensive and shit and the only person that’s ever made her that withdrawn is you.”
“Thanks,” Naomi scoffs, hating that it’s partly true. “And what about you, Katiekins, I’m guessing you didn’t have the same effect on her as I did?” She knows it was a stupid thing to say when Katie’s eyes flash with a mixture of hurt and regret. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t--” Naomi pinches at the bridge of her nose as if it will force her brain to slow down and process her thoughts before she speaks.
Katie shakes her head with a small shrug. “Don’t worry about it, yeah? I mean, you’re right, me and you combined made the majority of Emily’s teenaged years shitty, didn’t we?”
Naomi swallows down hard against the lump that has formed in her throat. “Yeah... we did.”
“Things change though, yeah? I mean, we grew up, right? Stopped being self-absorbed morons?”
“Definitely.” Naomi pauses and lets out a shaky breath. “Why did you call to meet with me if you’re not here to tell me to leave Emily the hell alone?”
Katie purses her lips together for a second and says, “To ask you to go back to London.”
“I knew it,” Naomi explodes, feeling the anger bubble up inside her as she pierces Katie with a venomous glare. “I fucking knew from the moment I saw you sitting in here that you’d try and get rid of me again. So much for bloody change, you bitch.”
Naomi pushes her chair back with a screech and is shocked to see Katie pushing to her own feet, her eyes wide in irritation as she growls, “Sit the fuck down, Naomi.” When she doesn’t make a move to sit back down Katie quirks an eyebrow and says forcefully, “Now.”
There’s something about the way Katie’s eyes are almost pleading her to sit that make Naomi stay, lowering herself back down into her seat cautiously.
“I meant it when I said that I wasn’t out to get you, all right?” Katie says once she’s settled back down too, all the warning in her voice disappeared. “Despite what you think about me, or like to fucking think you know about me, I am actually trying to help you here.”
“By telling me to go back to London?” Naomi asks disbelieving. “I’m sorry that I’m having a hard time believing that you actually want to help me, Katie, but you’ve hated me for as long as I can remember. So I’m sorry if I’m not all that trusting of this new version of you.”
“I didn’t hate you, Naomi.” Katie replies with a shake of her head.
“Yes you did, you loathed me Katie.” Naomi knows it’s true, thinks it’s ridiculous that Katie could ever claim to not have wanted her out of their lives for good. “You couldn’t stand that Emily loved me, or that we were together. You pretty much made things impossible for us sometimes.”
“I was threatened by you, all right?” Katie retorts defensively, her cheeks flushing a mild pink as she momentarily averts Naomi’s gaze.
Naomi stares at her for a few seconds, because when had Katie Fitch ever been threatened by anyone other than Effy and her wild rock handling ways? She feels her face contort with confusion when she asks a baffled, “What?”
“I didn’t hate you Naomi. I don’t hate you.” Katie says softly, almost as if she’s embarrassed to be admitting it. “But you’ve got to understand that I hated what you meant to Emily and what that meant for me.”
Naomi blinks a few times, as if hoping that will somehow help this all add up. “I don’t understand; it doesn’t make sense, Katie.”
Katie lets out a heavy sigh and looks directly at her. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to go through every stage of your life with someone, practically attached at the hip, sharing moments that other people don’t. It’s unique, that bond I have with Ems. As far as I was aware I was the only person who understood her, who got her, and she was that person for me too.” She pauses for a brief second as she looks Naomi over. “But then you came along out of nowhere and Emily, fuck knows why, was drawn to you.”
Naomi smirks in response. “Must have been my good looks and dazzling charm, don’t you think?”
Katie rolls her eyes. “You’re missing the point, you cow.”
“And what point’s that?” Naomi asks seriously.
“That you were replacing me.” Katie breathes out looking rather horrified and ashamed to be actually saying so.
Naomi can’t stop herself from breaking out into a laugh. “Katie that’s absurd. I could never replace you. Emily loves you more than I’ll ever understand and even when we were together you were still the one person she always defended, always cared and worried about. Her loving me didn’t change that.” She sees the unease that flashes through Katie’s eyes and offers her a small smile. “Jesus, some of our biggest fights were about you and even when they weren’t you were somehow always this lingering, unresolved issue between us.”
“I know that now, yeah?” Katie replies, still looking a little uncomfortable but relaxing slightly. “But at the time if felt like you were taking her away from me and that you didn’t even care all that much, that you didn’t really want her. And it made me angry, I didn’t get how Emily could still want you even when you treated her like shit, even when you ran away and pushed her away she always came back for more.”
“I don’t get it either. She was obviously a glutton for punishment.” Naomi says sadly.
Katie shakes her head with a small smile. “No, she was just blindly in love with you, Naomi.”
Naomi feels her eyes stinging at Katie’s words and has to look away from her. “Yeah, well apparently she’s not anymore. She doesn’t want me anywhere near her. And why would she, I’ve cocked her life up twice now, haven’t I?”
“Trust me, she still loves you Naomi, but as much as Emily’s changed, part of her is still the same and it’s all a little shocking and overwhelming for her to love you for the first time with her eyes open, to see you and not the version of you she dreamt up in her fantasies.”
Naomi’s quiet for a long moment, can’t think of anything to say except, “I really fucking love her, Katie.”
“I know.” Katie replies sincerely as she reaches out and covers Naomi’s hand with her own. “That’s why I’m asking you to go back to London. You need to give her some time on her own to figure this all out for herself and when she’s ready to, she’ll seek you out, yeah?”
Naomi has to wipe at her eyes and forces out a chuckle, “Fuck’s sake, Katie, when did you get so bloody wise, huh?”
“Around the same time that you realised what a mistake you’d made letting Ems go, I should think.”
Naomi laughs. “Did you have to have these sorts of chats with Rachel, make sure she knew that she’d never love Emily as much as you?”
Katie rolls her eyes but then smiles genuinely, “No need. She never scared me the way you did.” Naomi can’t help but smile softly back at her. “Plus, I could have taken her if she’d caused any trouble.”
Naomi smirks in response. “Katie Fitch, still one badass motherfucker.”
“And don’t you forget it.” Katie says proudly.
“How could I? I can still feel the sting in my cheek from when you slapped me at the love-ball.” Naomi teases, reaching up and playfully rubbing at her face.
“Yeah, well, hopefully I won’t have to whack some sense into you again anytime soon since it seems like you’ve finally got your head fixed on properly.”
Naomi rolls her eyes and then grows serious. “So I just go back to London and wait?”
Katie nods. “Yeah, trust me. I know how Ems thinks about these sorts of things and she just needs time. Can you give her that?”
“Yes.” Naomi replies as she stands. “But will you make sure to tell her that I love her and I’ll wait as long as it takes.”
“No need, she already knows you soppy twat.”
It’s still a little surprising, then, when Katie tentatively pulls her into a hug, squeezing her just the once as if that settles the last of their feud. “I’ll call you and let you know how she’s doing, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” She offers Katie one final smile before she turns on her heel to leave, stopping only when she realises there’s something she’s forgotten. “Katie?”
“Yeah?” Katie asks, looking up at her with wide eyes.
Naomi swallows down the lump in her throat and smiles at Katie when she says honestly, “Thanks.”
Katie looks mildly shocked by her admission, but then she catches herself before she can really falter and smiles back warmly. “You’re welcome.”
As Naomi makes to leave again, she can’t help but feel like it’s the start of something new, that the first significant piece has finally fallen into place.
-----
She doesn’t see her mum again before she heads back to London the next morning, just leaves her a note that says, ‘thanks for always being there - love Naomi x’ and knows that her mum is smart enough to read between the lines and take all that she still struggles to say but means to.
-----
The smell of coffee and bacon rush Naomi’s senses the second she sets foot in the door, and it’s almost strange when she realises that it doesn’t feel wrong or intrusive for JJ to be sat in the kitchen eating breakfast with Effy and Bricker.
It feels nice, getting home to find her makeshift family looking more like a real family unit than she’s ever seen them do before. Can’t help herself from smiling when she sees Bricker perched on JJ’s leg and watching in amazement at whatever magic trick JJ is wowing him with this time, while Effy stands over at the cooker and uses her spatula to prod at the food she’s frying.
“Hope there’s some left for me.” Naomi says as she enters the room properly, giving herself away and smiling brightly when they all look up to greet her.
Bricker’s the first one to say hello to her properly, jumping down from his place in JJ’s lap and running over to her for a hug. She bobs down and pulls him in close, playfully placing kisses on his face and tickling him until he pulls away giggling.
JJ extends a goofy wave and a smile at her and says, “Glad you’re back in one piece, not that you wouldn’t be but--” He shakes his head to stop himself from continuing on his tangent. “These two have missed you, is what I was aiming to explain.”
Effy rolls her eyes but shoots him a fond smile before moving over to wrap Naomi in a hug, clinging to her with a tight squeeze.
“Jesus, Eff, you’re squeezing all the air out of me here.” Naomi laughs, wrapping her arms around Effy in return.
“Shut up,” Effy says hugging her tighter for a second just for added effect before pulling back and studying her face seriously, as if she’s searching for signs of covered up damage. “Are you all right?”
It never fails to warm her heart when she sees the genuine worry in Effy’s eyes, as if all of the effort she spent trying to pretend that she didn’t give a fuck about anything or anyone has completely dwindled away over the years.
Naomi runs her hand up Effy’s arm to ease her tension. “I’m okay, I promise. No physical damage.”
“Good.” Effy replies with a soft smile before glancing back over her shoulder at the frying pan. “You want a bacon sandwich and one of my famous strong cups of coffee?”
“Sounds good. Thanks.” Naomi says as she joins JJ and Bricker at the table and tries not to let think about what Emily’s doing back in Bristol, reminds herself to stay calm and wait for Emily to come to her.
-----
She goes up to her room to catch up on lost sleep when they’re finished with breakfast, excuses herself by stifling a yawn that wordlessly explains where she’s headed.
When Naomi collapses onto her bed she instantly reaches out for the pillow next to her, the pillow Emily had slept on, and pulls it into her arms, hugging it close to her body and burying her nose firmly into the material to breath in the lingering scent of Emily’s perfume.
It’s become almost like a habit, to cuddle up to a pillow while she’s asleep, but Naomi finds that the only time she properly sleeps is when she pretends its Emily wrapped up in her arms and sleeping peacefully beside her.
Morning always comes as a disappointment, one that stopped being surprising after the first three times, because she knows it’s not really Emily that she falls asleep next to every night and yet Naomi still holds on to that little bit of hope that a miracle would have happened while she slept, and so she always blinks her eyes open slowly, wishing that her vision will be flooded with red.
It never is.
-----
Naomi wakes to find Effy perched gently on the end of her bed, watching over her with a fond smile that makes Naomi sleepily flip her off as her eyes adjust, mumbles, “Since when did you turn into a creepy sleep watcher?”
She feels more than sees Effy smirk in response, and shuffles over rubbing at her eyes to get a better look at her. Effy merely grins wickedly and extends her cup of coffee, says, “Since you started randomly disappearing for days and only leaving an awfully vague note behind in your wake.”
Naomi pushes herself up against the headboard and accepts the coffee from Effy’s grasp, taking a few large sips to quell the dryness in her mouth. “Yeah, sorry about that, it was a bit shitty of me.”
“Just a tad.” Effy replies dryly.
“You were worried.” Naomi states in amusement, watching as Effy shifts uncomfortably, and then laughs when Effy shoots her a glare. “You’re so sweet and sensitive Effykins.”
“Fuck off.” Effy replies, trying not to smile at Naomi’s teasing comment. She purses her lips together seriously a second later and looks over Naomi pensively, a look that Naomi knows that means Effy is quietly analysing her, and never fails to make her feel self-conscious. After a few long seconds Effy breathes, “No physical damage, then.”
And just like that Effy’s changed the direction of their conversation with one subtle comment. Naomi swallows another sip of the coffee and asks, “Where’s JJ and Bricker?”
“JJ offered to take Bricker out for the afternoon.” Effy replies willingly. “He wanted to give us some time alone... in case you wanted to talk.”
“Talk,” Naomi echoes and then releases a shaky breath. “About the damage I sustained that isn’t physical?”
Effy smiles gently. “Only if you want to.”
Naomi lets out a deep breath and reaches over to set the cup on her bedside table. “Well, after Rachel came here to let me know that she’d broken up with Emily so that I could have her back, I hurried on down to Bristol in a very knight in shining armour manner that I thought would impress Em, only to get there for her to tell me that us getting back together isn’t going to happen anytime soon.”
“Oh,” Effy replies sadly. “Do you want to get drunk and fucked up? I’m sure I still have some weed lying around in the back of one of my draws.”
“Thanks but that won’t be necessary.” Effy raises her eyebrows questioningly as Naomi runs a hand through her hair and then reaches over to swipe her cigarettes off of her bedside table, sticking one in her mouth and lighting it before throwing the pack and her lighter over to Effy. “I got some advice from an unexpected source.”
“Who?” Effy asks, creasing her face up. “Please tell me Panda isn’t still walking the streets of Bristol, because I can guarantee if she’s your advice guru, then you’ve been duped.”
Naomi shakes her head and exhales a trail of smoke. “As helpful as I’m sure she would have been, no, not Panda.”
“Then who?”
“It was Katie, actually.”
She watches as Effy’s hand stills mid motion to her mouth, her eyes widening in surprise. “Katie as in Katie Fitch? The girl who hates me and you, equally.”
Naomi lets out an amused chuckle. “In all fairness I think she probably hates you more. I never dented her head with a rock and left her for dead, after all.”
“No, just shagged her sister and left her heartbroken,” Effy replies with a daring smirk and laughter glimmering in her eyes that takes the sting right out of her words.
“Ouch.” Naomi lifts her hand to her chest mockingly. “Hit me where it hurts, why don’t you.”
“What was this so called advice from our lord and saviour Katie “leopardprint” Fitch?” Effy asks dryly.
Naomi can’t help but smile and roll her eyes. “She’s not that bad anymore, Eff. Believe it or not she appears to have grown up too.” Effy nods in response and looks on at Naomi expectedly. “She just told me to come back to London and wait.”
“Just wait?” Effy asks after a few seconds.
“Yeah.” Naomi nods her head in confirmation. “She said Emily will come to me when she’s ready to discuss things, but until then I should basically back off and give her some space.”
“I see,” Effy replies, licking the tip of her thumb and pinching the end of her cigarette, successfully putting it out.
Naomi watches her for a few seconds as Effy stands from the bed and heads over to her window, opening it and flicking out the dead cigarette butt, and when Effy doesn’t willingly elaborate on her comment, Naomi pierces her with a look and says, “You think its shit advice?”
Effy turns back to her with an unreadable expression on her face and eventually says, “No. I think it’s good advice.”
“Really?” Naomi asks disbelievingly, still remotely feeling like she should be doing more to convince Emily that they should be together.
“I think Katie knows her sister better than we do in some respects.”
“Yeah, I know, it’s just...” Naomi sighs in agreement before trailing off. “I feel so helpless, and powerless just doing nothing.” She sees as Effy’s lips quirk up into a smile then and can’t help herself asking, “What?”
“It’s just interesting now that the roles are reversed.” Effy says somewhat cryptically, and only continuing when she sees confusion registering on Naomi’s face. “Now that you have to wait for Emily, after all that time she had to spend waiting for you to figure it out. It’s just a little ironic, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” Naomi replies quietly as Effy’s words begin to sink in.
Just hopes that Emily won’t make her wait as long as she made Emily wait for her, but knows deep down that in the end it doesn’t actually matter, not when she’ll happily resign herself to being patient forever if it means that there’s any chance Emily will one day be hers again.
-----
It takes Naomi a little while for that anxious itching sensation that creeps into her skin and invades her in every possible way- at every possible chance, to be pushed to the back of her mind. She knows it isn’t healthy, to not be able to switch it off- thinking about Emily, worrying about whether Katie is right about being patient, or whether she’s just waiting out a storm that will never end, but she can’t help herself, not for the first few days when every minute that passes feels like an eternity.
She catches herself staring at her phone, willing it with her eyes to just ring, to be able to answer the call to hear Emily’s voice on the other side of the line telling her that she’s had time to think about it all and everything’s fine now, that she’s coming back to London, back to Naomi, and that they’ll work the rest out together- but it doesn’t happen. There’s not even a text message or a voice mail, no word at all, from Emily or Katie, and it only serves to make Naomi feel worse, makes her think that perhaps she should have stayed in Bristol and forced Emily to talk to her, even when she knows deep down that it only would have made things worse for them all.
It gets unbearable towards the end of the that first week- being back at work and expecting to catch sight of Emily walking down the corridor through the sea of students or to walk into the staff room to be greeted by Emily sitting there waiting for her to share their lunch break, only to know in reality that she won’t be anywhere around.
She feels like she almost drowning by the time Katie actually calls her - sometime during the second week - as if the longer she’s away from Emily the further she gets dragged under the crashing waves and the harder she has to fight just to keep breathing on a daily basis.
“She’s getting there,” Katie says when Naomi answers her phone hurriedly. “Slowly.”
And it makes Naomi feel like groaning, whinging in frustration because as much as she wants to give Emily the time and space she needs, the more she misses her; craves so badly just to see her as if Emily is an addiction that she can’t stop wanting even when she knows she should.
“How slowly?” Naomi asks, trying not to sound too hopeful but failing completely.
Katie sighs. “I can’t answer that, Naomi, you know that. You promised to be patient, so just be patient, all right.”
“I’m trying, okay? It’s just hard. I miss her,” Naomi breathes, feeling pathetic and weak but not caring at all.
“Just a little bit longer, okay?” Katie says encouragingly, her voice gentle and sweet. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll call you soon, yeah?”
Naomi nods, forgets that Katie can’t see her and after a brief pause murmurs back, “Yeah, okay.” and listens as the line goes dead- hopes that soon really does come sooner rather than later.
-----
Katie starts calling daily by the fourth week, doesn’t update Naomi much on Emily’s progress other than saying, “She’s getting there.” much like she had done the very first time.
Only Naomi’s learnt to stop asking what that means, because whenever she asks Katie goes silent before replying, “She just needs time.” which does nothing but leave Naomi feeling like she’s grasping out for answers that she’s too short to reach; endlessly hoping but never getting her wish.
Instead she asks silly questions like, “Is she eating normally?” or “Is she talking much?” or “Has she smiled yet?” and it doesn’t matter how many times she asks them, or how irritated Katie gets repeating the answers, it always makes Naomi feel that little bit more optimistic when Katie replies with something like, “She actually laughed today and looked like she wasn’t about to crumble under the strain of everything, so keep waiting, yeah? I think she’s healing.”
Naomi knows it’s not much, but it feels like enough for now.
------
The call in the sixth week is the one that cracks her, reduces her to sniffling on the phone because it finally feels like progress, maybe not necessarily for them, but for Emily, and it’s only amplified by the way in which Katie delivers the news in such an overly happy way that she lisps heavily for the first time in ages.
“What’s the news then?” Naomi asks cautiously when she picks up only to be greeted with Katie letting out a breath that sounds light rather than achingly heavy.
“She mentioned Rachel today,” is all Katie replies with, and it forces a lump to lodge hard in Naomi’s throat.
“Oh...”
But Katie must pick up in the discontentment in her voice because a second later she replies, “No, no, not like that. She doesn’t like, want to get back with her or anything, you silly twat.”
Naomi releases a shaky breath at the answer, feeling relived and anxious all at the same time. “What did she say then?”
“That she feels guilty, Naomi.”
“And?” Naomi asks sounding desperate.
She can almost hear Katie smiling through the phone when she says, “And she’s trying to figure out a way to forgive herself.”
It makes her eyes sting then, knowing that Emily’s anger is beginning to pass, that she appears to be looking for a way to move forward and not back, is no longer standing still and punishing herself for damage she didn’t ever mean to cause; the damage that Naomi knows was forgiven long ago.
Naomi doesn’t manage to choke out more than, “Thank you.” in response, and it doesn’t matter a second later when Katie replies, “You’re welcome.” that she didn’t mean it directly for her, is just thankful that it finally feels a little like the world is giving them all a second chance and letting them gradually move on.
-----
Katie doesn’t call in the seventh week.
It fills Naomi with worry that there’s been a setback and when she can’t get hold of Katie no matter how many times she tries, she ends up crying herself to sleep and wonders if hoping alone is enough to keep her surviving through this never ending wait.
Doesn’t think it is.
-----
She feels like shit on Monday morning, turns off her alarm and buries herself back under the covers with a groan, doesn’t think she can face another day pretending that she’s okay when all she wants to do is fall apart and hope that Emily will magically show up to hold her together.
Her plan is foiled moments later when she feels her mattress dip ever so slightly, the weight of a small body climbing over her own until the covers are drawn away from her face by small hands and Bricker’s cheeky grin.
“Morning, Nae!” He bellows happily, bouncing up and down and causing his body to crash land over her stomach and steal the air from her lungs.
“Brickster,” Naomi wheezes back, managing to free her arms and remove him from on top of her, and pulls him in for a cuddle instead.
Bricker wiggles in her grip though and pats his palm against her cheek. “You can’t go back to sleeps, Nae, it’s naughty.” She blinks her eyes open and tries not to frown at him for being annoyingly right. “I want toast,” he adds, shuffling until he’s on his knees and tugging at her arm.
“Where’s your mum? Can’t she get you it?” Naomi asks irritably as she rubs tiredly at her eyes.
He stares back at her in response, his eyes blinking rapidly and his expression practically neutral as if he’s suddenly lost track of what they’re talking about, and it’s only when Naomi notices his bottom lip quivering that she realises she’s taking her frustration out on a four year old.
She reaches for him before he can scamper away and presses a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Sorry Brickster, I was being grumpy. We’ll go get your toast, okay?” He nods mutely in response and runs off out of her room before she has a chance to trail behind him.
By the time she gets downstairs, she’s just in time to see Effy kissing JJ goodbye at the door, scantily clad in a button up shirt that Naomi instantly clocks as something of JJ’s. Effy looks almost surprised to see her when she closes the door and turns around, a faint blush spreading across her face.
“Sleep over?” Naomi teases, cocking her eyebrow.
Effy fakes a cough and tucks a piece of loose hair behind her ear. “He was just-- well...” She looks up when Naomi laughs and flips her off. “Fine, he stayed over.”
“No wonder I slept like shit, I was wondering what that squeaking was.” Naomi waggles her eyebrows and accepts the shove Effy issues her as they make their way into the kitchen. “Seriously though, good night?” If anything the question only serves to make Effy blush harder and Naomi laughs. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Effy ruffles her hand through Bricker’s hair as she passes by him to flick the kettle on, turning back when he tugs at her arm. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”
Naomi watches as his eyes drift over to her before flicking away quickly and instantly feels a stab of guilt settle painfully in her chest.”I was a C-O-W to him this morning,” Naomi mumbles sadly and offers Effy an apologetic look even as she reaches her arms out for Bricker. “Nae’s sorry she was mean this morning. I promise I’ll put extra jam on your toast, okay?” Bricker looks over at her unsurely and it leaves Naomi feeling desperate to make it up to him. “Can I have a hug, Brickster?”
He looks momentarily reluctant before letting go of Effy’s hand and willingly moving into Naomi’s arms for a hug. She squeezes him tightly and presses a kiss to his little shoulder, and whispers ‘sorry’ again.
“Toast with extra jam, Nae.” Bricker grins at her when he pulls away and Naomi feels herself rush with overwhelming relief.
“Coming right up, buddy.” She smiles brightly at him before setting about making his toast, trying to ignore the look Effy’s shooting at her but failing miserably. “I’m sorry I upset him, okay? I didn’t mean to.”
“Nae, I know that but,” Effy shakes her head as Naomi passes Bricker over his plate of toast and then looks back at Naomi wearily. “Are you all right?”
Naomi runs a hand messily through her hair and lets out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, I’m fine... I just, I miss her so much Eff, I feel like I’m suffocating here without her and I know I’m powerless to do anything.” She shrugs tiredly. “It’s just getting to me, I guess.”
Effy smiles softly and squeezes her arm. “She’ll be back soon, okay? I promise.”
Naomi takes a bite of her own toast and mumbles back a helpless, “I hope so.”
-----
Where I Stood - Chapter Six: Collide (Part Three)