Picture Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon on an elevator to heaven together as the Muzak version of "Thriller" plays in the background. Of the three, which one do you think would seriously wonder whether or not the elevator is truly going up? ;)-

Some of my thoughts for today ( Read more... )

I paid $479 to get a brand new dishwasher from Lowe's Home Improvement. That included delivery. The store is 6 miles away. For a $79 delivery charge, I could have humped that thing home on my back with a 12-pack in the rack. But what the hell, after several botched voicemail messages and two delivery attempts, I finally got my appliance ( Read more... )

Wow. You ever experience something so wonderful that as you're in the heat of the moment, you actually tell yourself to savor it? You recognize what a once-in-a-lifetime event it is...and make a conscious effort to remember every little nuance. You tell yourself life doesn't get any better than this, knowing nothing half as good will ever come ( Read more... )

Have you ever heard the term raw sewage? I'm wondering...who's cooking that stuff?

Have you seen this Gatorade commercial with Yankees' shortstop Derek Jeter? He says they watch highlights in slo-mo, fast-mo and any kind of mo you can think of...

So I'm wondering, do they watch them in homo?

I wanted to work out my abdominal muscles, but I couldn't afford one of those fancy ab-workout videos...so I bought "Buns of Steel" and used those exercises for my abs. Now I crap out my belly-button.

Last night I dreamt I was in a world that revolved around Brett Favre. Everybody had a cheesehead hat. Every channel on TV was Brett Favre. Brett was the chef on the cooking shows. Brett was hunting or fishing on the outdoor shows. He was playing football on ESPN. He was the baby's daddy on Springer. In schools, kids had to take Favre-101. ( Read more... )

According to this guy on death row, he's too fat to be executed by lethal injection. His "puffiness" makes it hard to find his veins...and oh yeah, he takes headache medication which could counteract the effects of the meds that make lethal injection humane. As a result, they say his death could be excruciating! I think he's onto something. We ( Read more... )

My driveway is concrete. It has a crack problem. I had to send it to rehab. Now where will I park? I guess I could park in the lawn. But it has a weed problem...damn.