If I go down on Aunt Jemima, is it wrong to expect it to taste like pancakes? The maple syrup lube didn't help either.

I bought some toilet bowl cleaner. Those things you throw in the tank to clean the bowl and make the water blue. Well, mine don't make the water blue. They make it urine-colored. For a few days, I was thinking, "Hey roomie, how about flushing this thing once in a while?" I'm not really thrilled with the urine-colored cleansing tablets. What ( Read more... )

Ever see a sexually-transmitted disease presentation? You know, those training sessions where they show you gross pictures of people with gonorrhea, herpes, cyphillus, etc. Is it too much to ask for current pictures of diseased vagina? I mean, if these diseases are so common, why can't I get a picture of a 2007 vagina instead of that 1964 pussy ( Read more... )

Friday night I went to a Norfolk Admirals hockey game. They're the farm team for the Tampa Bay Lightning NHL team. It was Breast Cancer Awareness Night. They made the rink pink! By that I mean, the ice was pink. The entire arena was pink. I think they should do this sort of thing more often. You know, have green ice on Saint Patrick's Day! ( Read more... )

This is my sign of the devil post, #666.

It's almost Christmas. For me, that's the time of the year I try to give a little back to the community. I gather up all the sex toys I can find and stand outside "Toys R Us" with a sign that says "Toys for Twats." I ring my bell and the kids come running. Thanks to me, there's a rocket ship under every

Prison is tough. A lot of guys come in with drug problems. Heroin addicts are a dime a dozen here. They regularly smuggle in smack. You'd be surprised at how much smack one man can carry up his ass. Enough for the whole cell block. Me...I have it tougher than them, much tougher...I'm not into heroin, pot, X, none of that stuff...I'm a beer

I wanted to hide my identity, so I put a rodent mask on and went anonymouse ( Read more... )

I'm thinking about starting a drunk driving web site where old friends who got DUIs together can get back in touch with each other. It's called "Together We Swerved ( Read more... )

Sometimes men create their own private Idahell. Usually, it's because of an Idaho...and that's why I don't eat potatoes.

Why do people with religious bumper stickers on their cars drive so slow? If they have so much faith in God, why do they fear a car accident or death? They should be doing a buck-ten down the highway with blindfolds on whistling "I'm gonna meet my maker" out their butt-holes. Maybe they know something we don't know. Like heaven has a special ( Read more... )