The prospect of a wedding makes people act CRAZY.

[thecurvedpath]

Most of you know that I'm in a serious relationship headed towards marriage. As a wedding inches closer to reality, I'm discovering a heap of idiosyncrasies and inanities that I never, ever anticipated dealing with. Already, these include a well-meaning but slightly overbearing future mother-in-law, pushy suggestions from people I barely know about

Comments

[wishthesame]

I would just like to say that Engagement Porn is possibly the best thing ever.

You should win an award for that.

This is all. heh.

[thecurvedpath]

I can't remember if I originated that phrase or if I picked it up somewhere else, but I'm glad you appreciate it and know what I'm talking about.

Engagement Porn Addict: "I want to hear about EVERY MOMENT of your intimate engagement in GORY TECHNICOLOR DETAIL! ... And then what happened? And then what? Oh my God! YES! YES! YES! YES! THE RING!!!" *lights cigarette*

It's gross. :-)

[andreavelouria]

Do you feel that's it's a bit, you know, DEGRADING to you, Nathan, and your relationship that the TEST of your love consists of him buying you some expensive metal

[thecurvedpath]

The ring thing actually isn't the most frustrating at the moment, as I feel confident in our (and, really, my) decision not to have an engagement ring, at least not one that could be called a "rock." I feel able to defend that to people when the time comes. What people mostly want to know at this point is why Nate hasn't proposed (the ring, I suppose, being the cultural signifier of that), and I simply can't answer that question--which is part of why it's so crazy-making. Why are they holding me accountable and punishing me (ok, that's an overstatement) for something that, according to their understanding, the man is traditionally responsible for?! It's stupid. But you're right, they're just trying to show they care.

Thanks for understanding, Andrea. That women like you exist is a huge encouragement. I guess I just want to say a hearty amen to everything you wrote. So, amen! :-)

[anonymous]

I was also blessed with a remarkably sane mother-of-the-bride. My mom basically said, "It's your wedding. Do what you want and let me know how I can help." And once my sister's wedding was out of the way (just three weeks before ours) she was very helpful

[thecurvedpath]

Kari, you (and James) are a breath of fresh air. Thanks for all the encouragement.

I like the idea of the "engagement kayak"! I would so much rather have something like that than a flashy ring--although I really like what James picked out for you, and I've discovered since looking at some wedding bands that, much to my surprise, I do like a tiny bit of sparkle. :-)

Oh, and I'm sure we will be taking you up on the drink/vent offer!

Displacement?

[anonymous]

I may be naive, but having recently made a pretty substantial move in order to be near to Kari, I'm thinking that Nate's moving to Grand Rapids could be held up as a clear sign of commitment? Such a move is certainly a lot harder than a quick trip to the mall :)

James.

Re: Displacement?

[thecurvedpath]

Come on now, James--it's much more than a trip to the mall. There's saving up the--what is it now--three months' salary, learning the Four C's, and reading books like "How to Buy a Diamond." If that doesn't say love! :-)

Actually, that's what Nate said when I was telling him a little about this stuff--"But I just moved to Grand Rapids! Doesn't that count for anything?" Great minds... :-)

i like

[willysayscheese]

A terrifying universe in which why we're not engaged is not only other people's business, but crucial to their belief systems and way of life.

this is excellent stuff. i would not only love to know what's going on with you, but also would love to hear about these things. because, for one, the way you write is excellent and makes me laugh. for two i think your perspective on life in general and especially concerning this issue is interesting (and makes me laugh). for three you're awesome and you make me laugh.

plus struggles are important to talk about.

a decision that, Nathan and I have agreed, is not mine to make.

what does this mean exactly? i think i know, but i want clarification.

also, i think it's interesting that you are indirectly held responsible for something that we outwardly believe is nate's responsibility. in the end, he gets all the glory and you get all the backlash! NO FAIR! not to blame him, or anything.

damn patriarchal society.

Re: i like

[thecurvedpath]

what does this mean exactly? i think i know, but i want clarification.Well, when Nate and I started talking about getting married, I wanted to know his opinion about how it was going to work. Were we just going to have a conversation about it, and decide mutually that we were engaged? Or did he want to do the whole proposal thing? I didn't really care either way, but Nate said it was important to him to ask me. So, that's why I put it the way I did--the whens and hows and wheres of engagement are something that we agreed are his territory. Does this make sense--am I answering your question

Re: i like

[willysayscheese]

ok, i get it. i would be interested in hearing why that's important to him, but it's not necessary ;)

Re: i like

[thecurvedpath]

I'm actually not sure why it's important to him. I'm sure some of it is a socialized response, but I don't have a huge problem with it because I know it's a choice we're making, regardless of the fact that it *is* a traditional choice. Part of the reason I agreed to let him take the initiative in this area is that (remember The Story?) he broke up with me awhile ago, and I think that if, say, *I* initiated the proposal, I would always worry that I had pushed him or bullied him into marrying me. I know I shouldn't be that insecure, but it's an area where I'm weak, admittedly. And it's part of why I'm comfortable with following tradition in this particular instance.

That's why it's important to me, but I'll have to ask why it's important to him.