my heart is broken. one of the people i love the most has pinpointed everything i hate about myself, but now she hates it too.

i started writing in a paper journal again. it just feels more natural to me. i'm trying to be more positive and have a few areas of focus that i'm trying to integrate into my daily routines that will result in a happier me.

i know

do i come across boring/detatched? is this why no one has an interest in me as a friend? i feel like i'm always the vessel to the more interesting person to others. like if i'm lonely and i can't express my emotions in a positive way is this how i'm going to be forever. i'm not a teenager anymore and this is all still here, not even deep down, ( Read more... )

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we went to chicago to see drive by truckers. it meant a lot to M and it was so nice to see casey. it's so refreshing to go out there and just visiting makes me want something more. not necessarily to move out there, but it just pushes me more and more to the realization that i've been working really hard to have a career in urban planning/land use ( Read more... )

i don't know how to have balance in my life.

"you make me laugh but you're not funny"

i miss percy. my anxiety was really bad today so i fell asleep for forever and then got nothing done and i'm going to get a guilt trip from m and i just wish i could enjoy the convenience of a pot luck thanksgiving meal in my own home with no one else here.

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going part time at school next semester, maybe not doing it all will make me feel better or maybe just feel more which is what i'm in the constant pursuit of avoiding.