.007 | Video

[thefuckening]

[Filtered AWAY from Summer to avoid awkward self-threading.]

It would appear my Belladonna has arrived on the Barge under a new [AIRQUOTES] "alias." She may be calling herself Summer and speaking in a strange accent, but make no mistake! She's my virgin, and I require her unspoilt for some plans, some very big plans indeed. [Plans known as the

Comments

[helpmejeeves]

Unspoilt? I didn't know they could go off, like milk or eggs.

[thefuckening]

Of course they can. What good is a used woman when the ceremony calls for a pure, untouched virgin?

[helpmejeeves]

Used? I say, that's unchivalrous of you, to call an older lady used. It makes her sound like a run down automobile or a cast off shirt. Granted, there are certain aged aunts I'd like to cast off, but one mustn't just say it like that, or else one gives the implication that all women over a certain age are not up to snuff.

[thefuckening]

Ha! What use do I have for chivalry? I'm a sorcerer, not some fool knight!

Women of a certain age have some uses, I'll grant you. They make good... caretakers.

[rass_bestie]

No. You don't.

[thefuckening]

Uh, yes, I do. Idiot.

[rass_bestie]

I'm afraid, you're quite wrong. If you attempt to imprison anyone, I'll come down on you so hard your various mothers will wonder what just happened.

[thefuckening]

[CACKLING MIRTHFULLY.]

Do you really think I'm afraid of you?

[batmanschmatman]

... I'm pretty sure you've got the wrong girl. Has no one gone over how people sometimes look like someone we know, but they're not the same person you're used to?

[thefuckening]

That's preposterous. Do you really think you can fool me? I mean, come on, I've had her kept in my tower for like, nineteen years. I know my bride's face!

[batmanschmatman]

Haven't you seen Arthur and Rex around? They look basically identical, but they're pretty different people. It happens all the time. We've got Crane and Capa, too.

[thefuckening]

Of course they're different people. I know what twins are. And I know that Belladonna has no sister, because my mothers and I burned her entire village to the ground!

[gotgreenmagic]

And you seriously thought the best way of going about this was to make a public announcement first, huh.

[thefuckening]

Uh, yeah? I'm calling dibs.

[gotgreenmagic]

Oh for the love of-

You cannot 'call dibs' on someone's virginity.

[thefuckening]

I can and I did. She's mine. I didn't burn her village down for nothing, you know.

[likeprofesional]

Is this a prison or a loony bin? Christ, have you listened to yourself, lately?

[thefuckening]

There's nothing wrong with the way I talk.

[likeprofesional]

Except you sound completely insane. That and the last thing I want to know about is what you're gonna do with a virgin. Personal business, man, keep it to yourself.

[thefuckening]

I'm just warning the rest of you not to get any funny ideas!