I'm treating you all to an oldy, but a goody, rewind to the summer after I graduated highschool and relive the passion, the turmoil, the sundering emotion that was before it wasn't ( Read more... )

the color red has always been my favorite color. the color of sweaters, batman backpacks, my lunchbox, growing up. I don't think I was born with this affliction, I think it more or less happened to me. I seem to remember a day, just one whole day, when I was 3 that everything i was and would be was decided. I may just be making memory-meat loaf ( Read more... )

42 days 2 hours and 57 minutes till my birthday.

How do you know when you've lost control of your life? I imagine it's similar to finally having complete control of it. is loss of control freedom? is freedom control? I don't know whats going on here, with my whole life. I finally got out of the education system. I work as a cook. I pay my own rent now. but I don't know how to define ( Read more... )

Ah, home, rock me gentle. The midnight sounds of stars blanketing me in family ( Read more... )

so thats it. rock bottom. ow. can't pay my tuition. no more college. can't not drink if i'm being financially forced to drop out, broke my drinking fast. can't be in a meaningful relationship. i fuck it up. can't drink and not subsequently smoke. had a cigarette tonight. can't fucking do shit. whine whine whine, poor me, blah blah blah. i can ( Read more... )

Only 125 days until my birthday, guys, better start thinking.

aw, home for the holidays, where the strangly plastic wrapped beds, moldy shower curtains, and small town mentality of my youth abounds. Where else would I feel guilty that my boxers poke out of my pants? what other town would welcome me with the words "Stay an hour, stay a lifetime"? Where else would the local librarian ask my mom everytime she ( Read more... )

smokeless for five days now. I have an inscesant cough as my lungs expell all the cancerous crap i've aquired over the last few years. I'm really fucking irritable, slow, tired, devoid of energy, and I find the need to chew on things. I can't focus on conversations or think about what I want to do with my time.. I'm starting to smell and taste ( Read more... )

I don't understand it anymore, the back and forth the promises and delays and I just want to give up. Why can't I just fucking give up? Can’t I start over again? Please? Can’t I be too tired and sick to continue and be let out to pasture, to graze on lost time and wasted opportunities? The things I value aren't in these walls or words or ( Read more... )