Livejournal. My go-to when I'm too inside my head to function.
I feel strange and I don't like it.

It's never enough. The want to be thinner. Toned. 
I feel like I never work hard enough at it. I don't work hard at it.
I've always been big. Well ever since it started to matter.
Big kid, big teen, big.. what.. 20 something.

It's pathetic when I think about how many times I've cried over it.
It's pathetic how many times I've said "this time for sure"

I' ( Read more... )

I'm dusting this blog off. I have a shiny 2 year old Tumblr that I should be using for this sort of thing but I can't bring myself to. Usually I'm the first one to jump to the newest form of social media or blogging platform and not look back, but Livejournal, well it sticks. I started here 8 years ago and even if I do only update every couple of ( Read more... )

FUCK EVERYTHING. JUST FUCK IT.

FUCK IT.

FUCK OFF.

FUCK YOU.

There's this look she gives me when she's little spoon. Turning back she opens her eyes slowly. A smile pulls her lips apart just enough to see her perfect teeth. Her eyes don't always find mine but that's okay. Because I know what she's thinking. She feels safe and sure.

She shuffles back closer to me so there's nothing between us. The pockets of ( Read more... )

BAD DAY.
BAD.
BAD.
BAD.

( Read more... )

after all this is gone

who would you rather be?

"Cun here" that's her adorable way of getting me  close enough to her.
She presses herself against me and  parts my head from my shoulder.
Not in a violent way - just so my neck is exposed.  She lightly brushes
her lips along my skin, following a road only she's thoroughly explored.
Following her lips, she breathes me in. Inhaling me entirely.
She ( Read more... )

It was after school when it counted.
A quick check of heads and then we were sent.
That was the only time I appreciated the concrete really.
Kids played games but not with each other. Seldom with each other.
Why bother? The grounds belonged to us. To me.

They were so fucking separated. School and after school.
And after school care.
Where Aleks shot ( Read more... )