its amazing. the hold he still has on my life. how everything... all ive built up for the past 6 months can come crashing down within an hour. i think that fact that we're just now speaking has slowed the healing process. i feel like ive ripped open an old wound. it needed to be done, but it still hurts like hell now that ive done it. i miss him. i ( Read more... )

im so tired. so so tired of his.

its amazing the way society and people work. tonia and i were talking about this, and its brought up in "The Guys" (the show we're doing right now): usually, in average individuals, it's hard to find new people, to make friends, to find lovers. we're like one huge web, or net. every new person you meet has a logical connection to someone. friend of ( Read more... )

im crying. i cant write anymore. ive lost it. i cant write.

oh, and bane, if you read this, where are you? check your calendar, its Nov 2. NOVEMBER!!! (im not really mad, just attempting to be vaguely comical with my exaggeration)

life is tiring. i remember once rosy wrote a poem that she gave me, and this one line stuck with me "when yesterday looks better than tomorrow ever will" sometimes i feel like that. well, not so drastic, but often times yesterday looks better than today or tomorrow. and i miss it. im tired of longing for things long gone ( yes, the word play was ( Read more... )

last night i crossed paths with an intriguing soul. i throughly enjoy his presence. we really connected and touch palms... and then my walls come up. is he being honest? does he ever want to see me again? is he manipulating me? what is his true motivation? is he doing what multiple men have done to tonia? ive reached a dilemma. before clark and i ( Read more... )

ok, lets try this again...i had a lovely entry typed up, but tonias comp locked on me, so ill give the basic gist ( Read more... )

Well...im alright. but thats not alright. i want more than alright ( Read more... )

i had a very lovely run in with my good friend mike the other day. i always (or at least recently) feel powerful around him, which i think is due to his semi(the past couple of months)-recent studies and devotion to the kabbalah. so that always makes me feel connected and well... i think id really enjoy the kabbalah if i knew more about it, i ( Read more... )