I am losing it. I cannot take it anymore. This grief is overwhelming. I can barely function. All that time I had to go down to Ventura prevented me from sinking into the pain I feel. I knew being alone would cause me to slide further into this emotional state. I tried to prevent it. I know what I should do.. be strong, get through it, feel better, ( Read more... )

some disturbing information came across my way this evening while I was researching information for my half brother on my Dad's side. A death record popped up for my Okaasan. I have been trying to find my Okaasan since I was 10 years old. I came so close in 1996-97, 5 year old information came to me at that time but nothing current and I was unable ( Read more... )

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2005/01/31/state2014EST0139.DTLRead more... )

I am sick. My body finally gave in last night,I started coming down with a cold my son had middle of last week. I started feeling it when we got to San Jose city limits. By the time I was home (after spending an hour at Wendell's house speaking to his parents and trying to make sure he did not get a brutal tongue lashing), I was feeling miserable. ( Read more... )

Sometime Thursday is the one week anniversary of my Dad's death. Since we do not know exactly when he passed, I just say sometime between 2am the time on the email I recieved from him, and 3pm when he was found by his room mate. The pain is still resonating within me. Its fustrating as I constantly want to hit speed dial 6 on my cellphone and call ( Read more... )

I feel nauseous everytime I have to deal with something related to my Dad's death. This sucks.

suprisingly... my Hime's grandmother aka Abuela on her father's side called me this evening to ask how I was doing and to confirm what she had heard from Hime-sama and probably Hime-sama's Father, that my own father and Hime-sama and Da-chan's Grandfather on my side passed away last week. She asked how I was doing and if I had gone down south to ( Read more... )