After the final taping of this season, I was escorted out with the usual two armed guards and made my way out on to the cold-blooded slumber of the streets. Hiatus has begun. After stowing away in the windings of a tractor trailer I managed to cross the border into North Carolina and roll off during refueling ( Read more... )

There is nothing quite like Candyland for sitting out the approaching nuclear fallout. Especially if played against hostages that you are holding at gunpoint. I acually picked this one up outside the grocery store. All villains exercise a large degree of deference towards the art of hostage taking. I chose this specific subject based upon the ( Read more... )

Emotional seclusion is so beautiful, yet so wretched and horrid, much like Steve Buscemi. As far as gregarity goes, I'll crack a romance novel every leap year and give myself the heimlich whenever I eat a hard piece of meat, and that sustains me quite nicely. More importantly it sustains oneself without removing oneself from the element of ( Read more... )

Applied sociology in the field of villainy have yielded tests and search results that all state that if one were to stroke a furry creature, not exceeding .7 meters in length, tyrannical demands were more likely to be complied with by 30%. This coincided with my prior acknowledgment of an abnormally high squirrell population this year. Were I to ( Read more... )

Supervillain team-ups are rare and often short-lived. However, the actual formation is relatively expedient and a site that is as breathtaking as an eclipse. The Sinister Six actually met in the clothes section of a New Jersey Woolworth's, drank some Kool-Aid together at Doc Octopus' house, and then were off to kill Peter Parker. However, later ( Read more... )

It is a little known fact that I had a biological brother which was also under juridisdiction for chemical X testing. I was not aware of it at the time, nor did it really seem relevant. The white, sterile walls seemed to have a magical way of removing any emotions within. The nights were always long as well; eyes dim and beside you lay your ( Read more... )

The majority of the time on the road, especially at night, was spent in the center of the RV. The girls slept in the back room in preparation for the next show while Henry and his wife were up front navigating the road. I was left in the middle in a mostly white room, badly furnished with cheap vinyl eye-sores. Amidst wall of 3-inch porcelain ( Read more... )

I awoke and in a odiously-lavendered bed and by the frilly lace and rhythmic low thud, I deduced two obvious conclusions. I was in a room inhabited by three female occupants ranging from age 8 to 17 and it was located within a recreational vehicle manufactured circa 1987. My wounds were also bandaged, however upon further examination realized that ( Read more... )

I had a simple plan worked out. I needed to sell enough plasma to get enough money for a bus ticket to the outskirts of Townsville in where I would call a fellow ally of villainy, The Maltese Chicken, who would then take me into Townville after jumping in the Mammary Gland of Malevolence. My path often led me walking along roadsides. There was a ( Read more... )

After it has perpetuated itself for three months due to poverty, good ole insubordination, and mostly poverty, I was evicted from my secluded mansion after the lease ended. I can't really say its suprising, or that I care for that matter. However, The only thing more futile than trying to reason with a irate landlord at 3 in the morning is trying ( Read more... )