Ronan was born on April 12th this year, exactly six months ago. October 12th is his half birthday. October 12th is also Faith's birthday. God, I don't understand you.

Tears are for people who feel they have something to lose.

In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. John 1 4-5

It's been a crazy summer but i wouldn't change anything...


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I can't wait to move out of here, even if it's in a box. Truth be told the view is horrible, in fact it's the worst I've ever seen. It's possible that there's a worst view somewhere else but I doubt it. It didn't always look like this but developers love money. Now on top of my little hill I can see thousands of boxy houses that all look exactly ( Read more... )

As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So pants my soul for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
While they continually say to me,
"Where is your God?"

Psalm 42:1-4

When I was a kid I used to steal my parent's bottles of vodka, but instead of taking them to a friends house like in all the movies I'd hide them in my closet. Then on the weekends when every kid I knew was out having a life I would drink in that same closet until I passed out. I didn't know the word for people who did those things, or that anyone ( Read more... )

My beloved little Faith I really wish I had some good news right now. I wish I could talk about how you're sleeping soundly in that little pink crib we got you, or how great you're doing in therapy now. But I can't. I can only tell you the truth, and the truth is I failed. I FAILED YOU. Or something. I don't know anymore. Everyone has failed you. ( Read more... )

My beautiful little girl today you are one full year old. And today you are not here with me and it's all so wrong. I know that one day you will want to know everything about that day, and I will do my best always to be honest because it's nothing less than you deserve. A year ago today you were born via C-section. You were in a lot of pain because ( Read more... )

I would give anything to know something. When I was a kid I thought all of life's answers would slowly reveal themselves to you as time went by. I have no idea how I came to this conclusion but it was bullshit. The only answer I got was the one I never wanted, the knowledge that nobody around me knows anything. Everyone is just doing the best they ( Read more... )

The only way out is through death's door ( Read more... )