Filtered to Mona

[thepilgrimsblog]

Hey Mona.

I guess I don't have much to say. I just wanted to see how you were, if you wanted to talk or anything, if you needed anything.

Comments

[echoesinside]

I think what I need is a new life maybe.

I know that I'm probably supposed to be sad and mourning but... I'm just so angry at her. I think I'm more angry at her than I even was at Pat and he was a monster. But maybe that's why because I knew exactly what he was and how he liked to hurt everyone and Christiana...

I don't know how she could do this to us all. I don't know how she could fucking do this. It's so so selfish and horrible and it makes her this horrible person to have done it. Not just because she killed herself but because she forced everyone to watch it. Because she made all of us watch her self-indulgent death as some sign of... I don't even know! I'm so furious at her! After everything we've all been through she just- I hate her. I hate her for doing this to Con, to my cousins, to you and to Merry and to Ellie. There's already been so much blood and I hate her for making everyone watch it all over again.

[thepilgrimsblog]

Yeah, I've inquired about the new-life-getting process before but I never heard back.

I still can't really believe it happened, sort of, but then in the same way I know it's not something I'm ever going to forget either. I don't think I've ever heard of anyone doing something that violent and personal and... confrontational, I mean... no matter how much it hurts why make it so much worse, right? I don't know why anyone would do that.

I don't think it's wrong that you hate her.

I hate that things were just starting to go right for you and then this happened.

[echoesinside]

I'm so sorry that you had to see it. I wish you all hadn't been there. Do you know that this was the first time we've let people into our house like that in four years? We thought it was finally going to be okay now that he was dead and gone.

Everyone was so happy and she just had to destroy it. I don't understand at all how she could do it. Five minutes before we'd been talking and everything had been so normal and now I've so many questions and I'll never know. Had she been planning this for long? Was it a sudden thought? Did she do it to punish us for not noticing she was in pain?

I don't even want to go to her funeral, but I can't let Con do it alone. He's a barely functioning wreck and so I'm dealing with it all but I just want to scream at her. She's not even here for me to do that.

[thepilgrimsblog]

If you want I could come to the funeral too, cos, you shouldn't have to deal with all that by yourself. It's too much.