everyone is so focused on the main event, the earthquake, the storm and fail to mention the aftershock, the devastating quietness and destruction left in the wake. the clean up isn't what i'm mostly concerned with because i guess that will be done in its due time. i'm having trouble putting myself back together again. the tremendous silence, the ( Read more... )

i don't know why but this hurts more than it should. 
i'm a silly silly girl.

i want to be treasured like i mean something, like i matter.

i've gotten way fatter. like two years ago fat. it feel so uncomfortable but i can't stop eating. none of my clothes fit. something is wrong with me but i have no idea what. i think i'm fine like everything is fine... ehhhh... i'm overthinking? but i must stop eating.

okay, something is really wrong with me.

i can feel myself becoming addicted, wanting that next drink, almost needing it. to be buzzed all the time, where my nerves are numb and things are a bit hazy around the edges. almost euphoric. such a comfort. i should be scared and i am a bit scared. how did it come to this?

the going is really hard. you know?

i am truly alone. the more i start to think about my network of the people i know, my world begins to shrink ever so. i don't understand what i'm doing wrong. why am i always conditional? this is incredibly hard. am i just someone that people don't like? it hurts. that the people i thought were friends are annoyed by me when i depend on them. isn't ( Read more... )

i am mildly depressed about life right now. things are really hard and i'm trying my damned best to be optimistic as possible. but i'm failing as you can see. no one calls or texts. effectively, by moving out of that house, i have put myself in isolation. goddamn.

first day of school tomorrow.
all day artists book. fun.

still having trouble with the housing situation.
i don't think it is beneficial to my well-being living here any longer.
i don't know what to do because my landlord is being a complete bitch.