The one I struggle with ( Read more... )

I wish I weren't in Korea right now.
I wish I were dating Nathan.
I wish I had a solid plan for my future.
I wish I had chosen a different major in University.

It's so easy to wish things were different, but they aren't. That's that.

I was reading through my old entries tonight. I can't believe I ever called you my schatz, Nick. You're the reason that I'm not able to be as loving as I'd like. I show affection now by punching what I like as if to keep it away. In this way, I can't be hurt again like you hurt me ( Read more... )

I hate that I have such strong feelings for you, Nathan. It's true, I do. For once, I just want something to work out for me. I know that it won't in this case. I know that it can't. It still hurts just as much.

This is getting old.

A man's hope can also be his doom.

Do I have to keep doing this? I am dying at this job.

I walked past that place today. The place we had our first kiss.
It was a good memory.
It made me miss you.

All of my small victories seem not to matter when I can't win the battles I actually care to win.

I wish I knew what to do at the end of my contract! I'll do anything really. I just need to find something/somewhere to go that will allow me to continue to make my student loan payments while living a comfortable life. And all I really need for comfort is being able to eat and live in a semi-nice environment comparable to the apartment I'm in now ( Read more... )

When I first came back here 6 months ago, I was more uncertain than I'd ever been in my life. I wondered how it could possibly be a good year for me. How anything could be better than my first year here. In reality, I don't know if things like this can ever be better or worse. In my experience so far, they can only be classified as 'different ( Read more... )

First I have to strip myself down to bare bones. Only then may I rebuild myself.