realization

[therock007]

I've realized something: Until I resolve my issues of trust, having to get my way, and blaming the whole world and myself when anything goes wrong, theres no way i will be able to date anyone seriously. My belief that something will eventually go wrong in many facets of life usually catches up with me.

How do go about making these changes?

Comments

[alethea602]

recognizing & accepting the problem is always the first step.

you can't go around being a pessimist, because there will always be things that go wrong. gotta look on the bright side every once in a while.

it's kinda funny because of all the people, i would think you're slightly more optimistic.. but then again, not sure anyone is more pessimistic than josh knatz... so i guess it's all relative.

i guess what helps is to figure out what you want. in life & in a partner. and when you have a clearer picture of that, then you can go about finding someone.

[therock007]

Well I always go through moments of this wont work way too much So i don't know what to do about that. Like whenever I see anyone i'm interested in, I am always thinking to myself that theres no way she'd go out. Its like the Jets affect, no matter what goes right you know something will go wrong and someone's breaking a shoulder, or become paralyzed.

[alethea602]

you need to have faith. i'm surprised... you're a mets fan!

you need to, every once in a while, let go of that risk analysis and just go for it.

and with my paranoia (and my paranoia is REALLY, REALLY BAD), i justify it with, if i can imagine it (and it's usually something really devastating), then it won't happen. because now i'll expect it, and it's never anything that i'll expect.

:-) it's twisted girlie logic, but it works for when i have my worst bouts of anxiety attacks.

one step at a time. work on the going out on a date part. then worry about the future if you get to that point. :)

[therock007]

Now i need to find myself a hot date

[katie_keysburg]

My personal philosophy: fake it until you make it. Corny, yes, but it works for me. When you have a negative thought, immediately tell yourself the opposite. You don't have to believe it, you just have to do it over and over again. As far as the whole asking chicks out thing, its probably a confidence issue. Speaking as someone who used to have little confidence, the faking it thing WORKS. At least, its worked for me... So, just ask them anyway, fake confidently, and see what happens. The trick is to seem sure of your self without seeming egotistical. Chicks dig confidence. And if you get rejected, you're better off without them anyway. Also, even if your worst expectations come true, you have to remember that its not the end of the world. There are other fish in the sea and other opportunities.