[multichapter] baby blue part 3 chapter 21
Title: Baby Blue: Part 3: Chapter 21
Pairing: JunDa
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Word Count: 1169
Disclaimer: All people mentioned belong only to themselves...aside from JunDa who clearly belong to each other.
Summary: In the fairy tales they fall in love and live happily ever after...but this isn't a fairy tale. How are two people, madly in love, supposed to stay away from each other?
22nd June 2013
He spent most of the night laying awake, thinking about Kame's words, considering if it might be possible, if he had any chance of being happy, with Taguchi.
But things weren't quite as simple as Kame had made it seem, no matter how he tried to convince himself.
Firstly, Taguchi had a girlfriend now, he'd claimed he had no feelings for her, but Ueda thought there must have been something to it if Taguchi automatically ran to her after the little incident at the photoshoot. What if Taguchi did have feelings for her and wanted to give things a go with her for real? What if he didn't have feelings for her but he still found being with her preferable to being with him? After all, there'd been nothing but trouble between them for the past few months, why should he even consider getting back together with Ueda?
Things would probably be better for Taguchi in the long run if he stayed with her anyway, if things got serious then eventually they would be able to go public, to announce their relationship to the world, maybe even get married, have children. Why should Taguchi choose this complicated, secret, half-life with Ueda over that.
What if Mayuko had nothing to do with anything? What if Taguchi didn't want to be with him regardless of what happened with her, what if too much bad blood existed between them now, all the fights and the harsh words, what if they'd lost the purity of their love? Would Taguchi even think it was worth fighting for?
And what if none of it mattered? What if their original arguments still stood. The whole reason they'd forced themselves to be apart was for the sake of the group, and even if they did have the blessing of the other members to give things a go, what if Taguchi didn't think it was worth it? Ueda was confident that he would risk everything for Taguchi, but what if the other man just didn't feel as strongly?
Things were definitely complicated.
But then again, he thought, they always had been. Even before they admitted that they had feelings for each other, they went out of their way to keep their relationship together, and they'd had some really good times together. Maybe, he hoped, now that they knew their relationship had so much more potential, maybe it would be worth fighting harder for.
He had work early that morning. It was the last day for going over revisions to the concert schedule before the four straight days at Tokyo Dome. There were a few extra dance segments this time around, and though they had been taught them before the tour even started, they needed at least a few hours of running through things again to make sure they were all certain what they were doing.
It was with a half-hopeful state of mind that he entered the dance studio, determined not to make things any worse between him and Taguchi, in the hope that, if time permitted, they could sneak away for a little while to discuss what Kame had said to him.
All of that hope was lost however, when Taguchi entered the studio just a few minutes after him, scowling and with dark eyes and puffy skin. He didn't even spare Ueda a glance as he stormed to the opposite side of the studio and threw down his things before waiting silently, tapping away on his phone, until the choreographer arrived.
The dance practice that followed was one of the worst Ueda had ever endured through. Taguchi had always loved dancing, and he could never stay grumpy for long while doing it, but today the dark cloud was omnipresent above his head, and instead of laughing and telling everyone to try again when they messed up the steps, everyone got glares.
Of course Ueda's concern over Taguchi's mood only served as a distraction, and Ueda was clumsy enough without distraction, so with it, he seemed to be doing a better job of pissing Taguchi off than he was of dancing.
“Are you even trying?” Taguchi snapped, as Ueda tumbled to the floor for the third time in about half an hour. “Watch where you're putting your feet!”
“Of course I'm trying” Ueda snapped back “Maybe if you'd stop putting me off...”
“I'm putting you off? You thinks it's easy for the rest of us having to start over every two minutes because you can't keep up?”
“Well if I'm dragging you down so much maybe you just just pratice without me!”
“Both of you calm down...” Maru interjected, but his voice was barely heard over Taguchi's next rebuttal.
“Yeah that would work, the only one who actually needs the practice sitting it out...”
“What the fuck do you want from me? You complain if I try and practice, you complain if I say I won't...what can I do to make you happy? What do you fucking want?!”
He knew he should be embarrassed, shouting and screaming like a child, it was unprofessional, and in front of the choreographer too. But if he thought he was taking things too far, it was nothing to Taguchi's behaviour when the taller man grabbed him by the collar and pushed him back, immediately advancing on him again.
Ueda clenched his eyes closed, waiting for a punch, or another shove, something, but when none came, he slowly opened his eyes, finding Taguchi's, looking desperately into his. “You know what I want. This isn't working...I can't take being around you any more.”
It felt like a kick in the gut but he couldn't even find thought enough to react, his eyes just remained locked, frozen on Taguchi's that stared daggers back at him. He was vaguely aware of another voice, one of the other members, or the choreographer maybe, but he couldn't take it in, he couldn't concentrate on anything but the eyes looking right at him.
There was a soft hand on his shoulder, but he just shook it off, the movement finally waking him from his trance. “Then maybe we shouldn't work together any more.” he finally replied, his voice quieter and colder than he'd expected, and then he tore his eyes away and fled the room.
He rushed through through the corridors, his mind buzzing with everything, with thoughts of their argument, with thoughts of Kame's words, and with everything he'd considered the night before. He was angry and confused, and desperate, and he knew that he needed to do something, anything, to stop the downward spiral of their relationship. He just wanted Taguchi the way they used to be.
He found himself in the administration offices before he even knew where his feet were carrying him, but as he turned to leave he bumped straight into the head of the company. The words were out of his mouth before he'd even taken the time to think through them.
“Johnny-san” he bowed “I want to resign.”
Chapter 20 | Chapter 22
------------------------------------------------------
*hides*
Pairing: JunDa
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Word Count: 1169
Disclaimer: All people mentioned belong only to themselves...aside from JunDa who clearly belong to each other.
Summary: In the fairy tales they fall in love and live happily ever after...but this isn't a fairy tale. How are two people, madly in love, supposed to stay away from each other?
22nd June 2013
He spent most of the night laying awake, thinking about Kame's words, considering if it might be possible, if he had any chance of being happy, with Taguchi.
But things weren't quite as simple as Kame had made it seem, no matter how he tried to convince himself.
Firstly, Taguchi had a girlfriend now, he'd claimed he had no feelings for her, but Ueda thought there must have been something to it if Taguchi automatically ran to her after the little incident at the photoshoot. What if Taguchi did have feelings for her and wanted to give things a go with her for real? What if he didn't have feelings for her but he still found being with her preferable to being with him? After all, there'd been nothing but trouble between them for the past few months, why should he even consider getting back together with Ueda?
Things would probably be better for Taguchi in the long run if he stayed with her anyway, if things got serious then eventually they would be able to go public, to announce their relationship to the world, maybe even get married, have children. Why should Taguchi choose this complicated, secret, half-life with Ueda over that.
What if Mayuko had nothing to do with anything? What if Taguchi didn't want to be with him regardless of what happened with her, what if too much bad blood existed between them now, all the fights and the harsh words, what if they'd lost the purity of their love? Would Taguchi even think it was worth fighting for?
And what if none of it mattered? What if their original arguments still stood. The whole reason they'd forced themselves to be apart was for the sake of the group, and even if they did have the blessing of the other members to give things a go, what if Taguchi didn't think it was worth it? Ueda was confident that he would risk everything for Taguchi, but what if the other man just didn't feel as strongly?
Things were definitely complicated.
But then again, he thought, they always had been. Even before they admitted that they had feelings for each other, they went out of their way to keep their relationship together, and they'd had some really good times together. Maybe, he hoped, now that they knew their relationship had so much more potential, maybe it would be worth fighting harder for.
He had work early that morning. It was the last day for going over revisions to the concert schedule before the four straight days at Tokyo Dome. There were a few extra dance segments this time around, and though they had been taught them before the tour even started, they needed at least a few hours of running through things again to make sure they were all certain what they were doing.
It was with a half-hopeful state of mind that he entered the dance studio, determined not to make things any worse between him and Taguchi, in the hope that, if time permitted, they could sneak away for a little while to discuss what Kame had said to him.
All of that hope was lost however, when Taguchi entered the studio just a few minutes after him, scowling and with dark eyes and puffy skin. He didn't even spare Ueda a glance as he stormed to the opposite side of the studio and threw down his things before waiting silently, tapping away on his phone, until the choreographer arrived.
The dance practice that followed was one of the worst Ueda had ever endured through. Taguchi had always loved dancing, and he could never stay grumpy for long while doing it, but today the dark cloud was omnipresent above his head, and instead of laughing and telling everyone to try again when they messed up the steps, everyone got glares.
Of course Ueda's concern over Taguchi's mood only served as a distraction, and Ueda was clumsy enough without distraction, so with it, he seemed to be doing a better job of pissing Taguchi off than he was of dancing.
“Are you even trying?” Taguchi snapped, as Ueda tumbled to the floor for the third time in about half an hour. “Watch where you're putting your feet!”
“Of course I'm trying” Ueda snapped back “Maybe if you'd stop putting me off...”
“I'm putting you off? You thinks it's easy for the rest of us having to start over every two minutes because you can't keep up?”
“Well if I'm dragging you down so much maybe you just just pratice without me!”
“Both of you calm down...” Maru interjected, but his voice was barely heard over Taguchi's next rebuttal.
“Yeah that would work, the only one who actually needs the practice sitting it out...”
“What the fuck do you want from me? You complain if I try and practice, you complain if I say I won't...what can I do to make you happy? What do you fucking want?!”
He knew he should be embarrassed, shouting and screaming like a child, it was unprofessional, and in front of the choreographer too. But if he thought he was taking things too far, it was nothing to Taguchi's behaviour when the taller man grabbed him by the collar and pushed him back, immediately advancing on him again.
Ueda clenched his eyes closed, waiting for a punch, or another shove, something, but when none came, he slowly opened his eyes, finding Taguchi's, looking desperately into his. “You know what I want. This isn't working...I can't take being around you any more.”
It felt like a kick in the gut but he couldn't even find thought enough to react, his eyes just remained locked, frozen on Taguchi's that stared daggers back at him. He was vaguely aware of another voice, one of the other members, or the choreographer maybe, but he couldn't take it in, he couldn't concentrate on anything but the eyes looking right at him.
There was a soft hand on his shoulder, but he just shook it off, the movement finally waking him from his trance. “Then maybe we shouldn't work together any more.” he finally replied, his voice quieter and colder than he'd expected, and then he tore his eyes away and fled the room.
He rushed through through the corridors, his mind buzzing with everything, with thoughts of their argument, with thoughts of Kame's words, and with everything he'd considered the night before. He was angry and confused, and desperate, and he knew that he needed to do something, anything, to stop the downward spiral of their relationship. He just wanted Taguchi the way they used to be.
He found himself in the administration offices before he even knew where his feet were carrying him, but as he turned to leave he bumped straight into the head of the company. The words were out of his mouth before he'd even taken the time to think through them.
“Johnny-san” he bowed “I want to resign.”
Chapter 20 | Chapter 22
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*hides*