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I dont know what to do. I just cant break this rage, scorn, spiteful, resentful, violated, forsaken, humiliated feeling. And yet he demands communication from me. I feel like the joke is definitely on me. and i still have to take care of him. support him. tolerte his bullshit again, and again, and again ( Read more... )

all is not right in my world.. and i need to get stable ground. and no, it's not fucking all about gary. since when is caring about yourself a bad thing? guess people who don't care about themselves wouldnt know. they are too busy caring about everyone else ( Read more... )

I feel so sick and weak. Havent been able ro sleep. I shouldve taken that fucking Ambien after dinner. I laid here and cried and sobbed like a baby. Thinking. Always fucking thinking. Pleese turn my mind off. I cant take this.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Im a mess. I miss him. I cant sleep. Fucking bullshit.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

it's killing me not talking to him. but i need to be strong. i wanna hold him and tell him it's alright and that he needs to be strong too. but i cant. because we arent good for each other and we will just lead into a very unhappy relationship in the long run ( Read more... )

It's been a year journal... but i need you now. It hurts. I am so weak, still shaking. I have been drifting in and out of crying. the ambien, codeine and percocet are helping too. I miss him. but i cant have him. and i need to get over this. i'm worried about him. i want him to be safe. i want him to be secure. and i want him to have ( Read more... )

Please be alive. :(

i really don't know what to do about all of this.

part of my wants to burn it down and walk away and the other part says to keep trying.

the cold truth of the matter is, he's toxic and destructive... but i miss him, i love him, and i worry about him.

last night escalated into something so unreal. it was a messy and ugly thing... and then afterwards i stressed myself into some sort of ailment. i kept vomitting and shitting out water. it's amazing how fucked up you can make yourself ( Read more... )