I keep dreaming about you.

In the dreams, you feel so familiar. I’m so comfortable. It feels so easy.

I keep waking up and remembering how far away you are. How distant.

In the dreams, I’m happy. Even when we’re not.

When I wake, it takes so long to acclimate. The dreams feel more real.

See you in my dreams.

Speaking as one of the vulnerable people you’re so worried about helping, I would always, ALWAYS choose being poked 20 times by unqualified people, being stabbed and prodded until someone accidentally trips over and falls into my vein, before I would choose even a 0.0001% chance of coming into contact with someone who actively has Covid.

You think ( Read more... )

There isn’t really an answer for why autoimmune diseases develop. Genetics is a part of it, sometimes. But sometimes they just sort of… appear.

In studying CPTSD I’ve learned that a it’s not uncommon for chronic illnesses to develop because of emotional trauma.

My traumas involved a lot of learning to hate myself.

I (half-jokingly) have a theory that ( Read more... )

Her phone number is in his phone again.

After he swore he had no way to contact her.

So either he lied, or she reached out to him and he hid it.

So, not that I’d honestly held out any hope before, but now I know for certain there is absolutely no trusting him ever again. Absolutely no chance of us ever again.

America needs to get single payer ( Read more... )

I don’t want this to be my life.

I don’t want this life.

I died today. For a while.

Surgery didn’t go well. Bled too much. Needed “more blood than (the doctors) were comfortable giving,” and also “really didn’t want to wake up”. So. That’s fun.

There were also other complications, too. I was too foggy when they explained everything to me.

I was alone today. I very nearly did not wake up at all, and when I ( Read more... )

What if I just

Never love him again?

Would that be okay?

Would it?

Overall not a bad birthday. Heard from almost everyone I care about, ate some yummy food. Definitely a positive.

Going back to the GI doctor this week. I’m anticipating some tough news based on the symptoms I’ve been having lately. Not entirely sure I’m entirely prepared for it, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Depending on how that goes, I might also have another ( Read more... )

Historically, I’ve been hurt.

Historically, I’ve given second chances.

Historically, I’ve never felt the same about someone after they’ve hurt me, regardless of how many chances I’ve given.

Historically, there’s always a breaking point where I cut and run, and run, and run. So far, and so hard that all trace of the person disappears from my life, my ( Read more... )

He says he loves me. And isn’t that enough?

Isn’t it?

He says he tries. And isn’t that enough?

Isn’t it?

He says he never meant to hurt me. And isn’t that enough?

Isn’t it?

He says he’s sorry. And isn’t that enough?

He says he’ll never do it again.

He says he’s so lucky to have me. He says it’s always been me. He says he’ll spend the rest of his days ( Read more... )