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Never get plastered at a really boring party so that out of a group of 6 people, your date ends up the designated driver.

that's not romantic...

so she says.

I did end up getting her a flower, because I found one on the floor as I walked to the train earlier.

So tonight is the first date I have with this girl and I must be the biggest retard in the world for not realizing I scheduled our first date on Valentine's day. She's incredibly nervous, I'm incredibly nervous and I don't think anybody is getting any flowers but if we're lucky, we'll get trashed and never end up home ( Read more... )

Man, my roommates are going to kill me. I always forget to take out the trash. I really ought to remember it more often. At least my room is cleaned ( Read more... )

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I only I could get perfectly straight girls to remove their shirts and do the girl-on-girl lapdance, but not do the make-out before I stumble out of a party as if I was drunk when in fact I was just coming down from a sugar rush. I woke up the following morning with a breaky voice of a 12 year old boy surrounded by porn ( Read more... )

boobs are awesome.

i'm sure i say that a lot, and it's just so true.

being dressed up for a party sucks. a rumor started that i was going to dress up as a cow, so i thought i might go as a chicken, but the thing is i don't want to ruin my hazmat suit. seriously, how many hazmat suits could a person own in a lifetime?

My eyes hurt right now I'm so tired. This girl I liked called me real late last night because she was drunk and I was in her phone book. Half an hour later into the conversation she tells me that I look like I smell nice. An hour after that she tells me to meet her after work ( Read more... )

In case you ever wondered what people in top art schools do during their graphic design classes:


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you know, it also confuses me when my jaw hurts, it's raining outside, and people are taking my "Friend's Quiz" without me ever knowing who the fuck they are. The people who knew me least all got certain questions totally right, while the people who knew me most missed those specific ones entirely ( Read more... )