What you're about to read here is in essance the only proof necessary to show you what my life has come down to when given 2 and a half weeks vacation from just about everything. Only Russell and myself would hold a conversation like this at 1:30 in the morning ( Read more... )

Christmas is less than an hour away and as I think about all of the presents around the tree, I know that the one I truely want won't be there. That's not to say I'm not excited about Christmas. Believe me, I still am very much enthused about it. It's just not the same at all ( Read more... )

I think I've finally accepted the fact that I'm probably never going to be back in the band. Unfortunately, this doesn't make dealing with it any easier. If anything, it's made it harder just knowing that I'll never get to be part of them. I know now that if I'm ever going to move on and get over it that I'm going to have to make my peace with them ( Read more... )

I've come to the clear conclusion that I can't stand A days. It's hard to stay in a positive frame of mind when the one person you'd rather not be around is the one you have to sit next to bright and early in the morning for an hour and a half. It's not that I have anything against the kid...well maybe I do, but the fact of the matter is just being ( Read more... )

I'm having a difficult time sorting out what it is, exactly, I want out of my life now that I've been forced into a corner that's making me chose other options. I've thought about starting another band which I'm actually already in the process of doing. Despite that fact, I definately (as you already know) would still like to be able to come back ( Read more... )

No one should ever have to feel the way I feel right now...

I'm truely lost...

This past month has been the strangest month for me. I really don't know what to make of it. I know I said I was going to try and update more often but had I done what I said, the only thing being written here would just be flat out depressing ( Read more... )

So I gave Doru a call earlier. We actually had a nice little talk. We were both very calm and he listened to what I had to say. Unfortunately, he said he has to talk with the rest of the band before he can make a decision ( Read more... )

I've been trying to just go on living my life as normal as possible for these past few weeks but it's just damn near impossible. I'm around those guys a lot at school. And it's not that I have anything against them (if you haven't already heard, Doru and I are fine now...I just have some things I need to talk to him about), but I always hear them ( Read more... )

I don't know if there's anything more I despise than the feeling I have right now. I was pissed earlier but my mind can't seem to wonder off anywhere else than where it is right now. I want to forget but I know it's never going to happen. I have too many good memories with those guys and he ruined it all for me. If he would have just listened to me ( Read more... )