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[thewhitepyre]

well... its been a LONG LONG hiatus. but yeah. i'm not updating as often as i should be... but well! not many people read my blog... RIGHT? lol. in any case.. have decided that i will post some of my stuff online

Comments

[puppeteered]

I think they make me a bit claustrophobic. Especially for the second poem. There's like word spammage. :x! But I still love them nonetheless.

[ahsirakh]

Your poetry has a real tautness and urgency that I envy, with rare slips in diction (e.g. why is the line "yelping"). And the clarity of your images is pristine, in the first two poems.

Love "a day begins" since it's closest to my heart, even if the poem reminds me strongly of Alfian Sa'at -- (then again, isn't Alfian's style almost anti-idiosyncratic, the clean noun-as-adjective/verb pithy GEPpersian phrasing that we often adopt). I love how you force shape into its abstract concepts (why the comma after "stretched", though? it flows well into the next line without one).

"singaporean temple" is palpably atmospheric until the end, but I feel like the punchline should be revised, it's too abstract to clasp.

The third poem seems closest to the climate of your earlier schooltime poetry, with the defiant line-breaks and near-extreme abstraction. Which, sadly, I don't like, though I enjoy it in the sense that it radiates (what seems to be) your most authentic voice.

[thewhitepyre]

first of all thanks. your request sort of brought me out of my laziness. to blog that is. lol

yelping mainly cos of the sounds it makes. and an overall uncomfortable atmosphere. ok i'll stop at that.

hrmmm point noted about stretched. was deciding to remove it a while ago but it sort of gives you a pause. but reading it again has convinced me the pause was kinda out of place.

there was actually an original version of the poem and the punchline that you see now was actually not the end. my mentor suggested i cut it at that. but while the ending is not out of place, its kinda far off.

and lastly...

sometimes a bit of nostalgia is necessary.(:

[leonard_ho]

just thought i'd say this - tmd i just read the poems and colin's comments and i realise that i can't really relate to what's being put across.

2 years of warren liew and kevin cheng down the drain. =/