"If it Looks Like I'm Laughing, I'm Really Just Asking to Leave..."

[thexxxheartless]

Ugh... I'm making dinner tonight, which somehow involves squishy meat in a blender. That I had to TOUCH. 
Anyway, everyone is having problems. Okay, this is a bit of an exaggeration. Not everyone, but most of everyone I care about. I might still be in love with my ex... Once again, its difficult to use that word. God, I'm sick of life. I want a

Comments

[straightedge336]

You DO hold it against me.
I'm sorry. Really... I don't know what else to say, and I also can't seem to find the right way to say 'I'm sorry'. You make it sound so... I dunno. Like I'm a whore or something. I truly feel bad for hurting you... and I want to fucking kill myself for doing it. I. Am. Sorry.

[thexxxheartless]

Don't kill yourself. I think the reason I think I am still in love with you is because I'm lonely. When I had someone else to focus on, I was fine. But when I stopped being in any of the relationships I've had since you, I missed you. You are NOT a whore. It's not you're fault. You are simply one of the best people in my life and I miss being so close to you. I am trying my best to figure out what is wrong with me, so don't take this on yourself. I don't want an apology, I already have that. I don't want anything from you but your love and attention (AS FRIENDS, I promise). The initial hurt is gone. When I think about you, it doesn't hurt, so I figure I am fine. I know it's cliche and shit, but it isn't anything to do with you so much as me. I am having a hard time because I don't like being alone. And being with you has been the best experience of my life. No joke.