Comments | thezerosystem: So this is it?

thezerosystem

So this is it?

Sep 28, 2005 23:04

Hospice. We went all the way downtown (which was so painful) for the doc to tell me its all over. "Weeks to months." I have too many tumors, in too many different places, doing too much damage for further chemo to be feasable. I feel so helpless. So afraid. I didn't think it would get to this point so quickly. We'll get a second opinion, but ( Read more... )

Comments 40

shortysax September 29 2005, 04:12:14 UTC

There isn't really anything to say. "I'm sorry" doesn't cut it. Just think of the individual people that your life has had an impact on, through your actions and even your writing. I've enjoyed reading your journal, and looking at some of your writing, even though I haven't met you in person. Don't apologize for any of your feelings. There's no need. At a time like this, for once, it IS all about you.

I really wish and pray that another doctor will give you better news. Thanks for posting to let your friends out in cyberland know what is going on. Please keep us posted, if you can.

sleater_device September 29 2005, 04:13:38 UTC

Fuck. I'm sorry.

And I think you're right about the weird feeling of watching people move on.

This isn't the same thing at all, but, recently someone very close to me got sick. That's how I felt about the people visiting on some level. Like, 'you get to come here and be sad, and then get to go home and be happy, be normal. We don't get to 'go' anywhere.'

***

I'm so glad you found my LJ and friended me.

rachel_wilder September 29 2005, 04:22:56 UTC

I'm sorry this had to happen at all and that this part is coming so quickly and with so many complications. My mom was a hospice nurse and I hope they will be able to bring you and your family some comfort. It doesn't seem fair that these things happen to anyone...and I'm so sorry that it's happening to you. Thank you for sharing this...I'm sure it's hard to put it out there for so many of us faceless people to share, but I hope that we've been able to offer you some comfort and I know I will not forget you or your struggle.

disi September 29 2005, 04:26:27 UTC

oh babe, i wish i knew what to say. i wish you months and months and months. exponential months. tons of months. ones without pain, because it's what you deserve.

i haven't known you long, but i've come to really love your journal. please take care.

misslynx September 29 2005, 05:09:30 UTC

I don't think feeling envious of people who aren't facing an early death is mean -- I think it's just very human, and I think any of us probably would feel that way in your situation ( ... )