There are parts of me that wants to transform. I don't want to change, but I do want adjustments and new ways of managing things about myself. I also want a good experience right about now. I like who I am I just don't like how I am experiencing life right now. For starters I hope that I get a job that I had applied to; a public school for teaching ( Read more... )

The idea of seeing someone else now is ludicrous in terms of being in a relationship, right now. But I do want to be dating. It is really a distraction that I need. Just dates. Thinking about someone else will help me keep my heart and mind off of Michelle while she is doing what it is that she feels that she needs to do and during this time, as I ( Read more... )

Things still hurt, I'm still trying to reconcile with my promises to a person who can't reciprocate them, and to be honest, as much as anyone would advise against it, I want to start dating again. I intend to be as open to my situation with who ever it is I chose to go out with, and just hope that they understand. It would just be a date anyway. ( Read more... )

I have not cried in two days. Aaron's birthday party was a welcome distraction, but I have a long time before this is over. The past three weeks has been one of the most profoundly negative times in my life. I don't ever want to experience its like again. I am unhealthy, I have lost over five pounds, and I have been sleeping for over 13 hours a ( Read more... )

I am understanding more what a leap of faith could be. It wasn't what I thought it was. I've been discovering that just being open to marriage with Michelle during our relationship wasn't enough and that I did not do it with all of my heart. This was not a leap of faith. I also withdrew from her when I began to learn more about her; what I saw ( Read more... )

William James made ontology easier to understand. Nonentity(nothingness) and Being(datum) = existence. Fast forward to Heidegger and you have a discourse on Universal Being. I wonder if he has some universal idea for nonentity. I'll be studying Being and Time for the next month, so this will be helpful ( Read more... )

I recall my experience that ushered bliss in 2006 and terror in 2007. They were the culminations of my search; indications of my wandering being and mind, and my greed for that kind of knowledge and experience was excessive. It was so, because if it wasn't excessive, I would not have experienced what I had in 2007. Dianna turned me into a stag and ( Read more... )

Just had an explosion of stress tonight; in one hour, I think that I had committed myself to and opportunity to teach/lecture at UNM, an opportunity provided from an old instructor. I emailed "yes" to her, but after thinking about it, I saw how much that commitment would greatly interfere with my grad application paper for the philosophy department ( Read more... )

Right now I am sitting in the Presbyterian surgery waiting room. I was told by Michelle's surgeon that the operation was successful and that her prospect of not redeveloping the same intestinal problems is positive. I am waiting for her to wake up in the recovery room while I am writing a paper on 18th century aesthetics and modern art. I'm working ( Read more... )

Sitting at Michelle’s computer, at her place. Got done eating and drinking a few hours ago. Would like to have less drinking sometime in the future. I’m not excluded; my diabetes really could be better as well, I admit ( Read more... )