I seem to lose myself on a daily basis. There is something I want more than anything but its just not the right time. Everyday i battle my inner desire with my common sense. I refuse to be a statistic but when i look at him i just know. I know just what i want. On top of it all it's impossible to turn off, it's always there just staring blankly at ( Read more... )

I'm watching eternal sunshine of a spotless mind and wishing that there has been something erased from my memory. Something happy that I could no longer bear maybe. I need a reason. Why my heart feels so full. It's not happiness. Guilt maybe. Pain obviously. I just want to be heard. Thats why im writing. I can't wait to figure out whats wrong with ( Read more... )

I have no idea what I am doing anymore. Things are great and horrible. I'm engaged and i'm miserable. Life is kinda funny that way huh? What will the shrink think of me...

So i found myself in an unwarranted predicament where up was down and down remained down. Now i can't believe that it's through. Just like that. Problem today, gone tomorrow. I can't really say that i'm comfortable with all of it. Cheaper than i expected but at what sentimental cost. My stomach still hurts. Day after day, it's nerves. My mind has ( Read more... )

I think i must be the only idiot who doesn't know how to make their myspace look cool. Right.

And again. I continue to make the same mistake over and over again. No matter how irresponsible, wrong or just down right stupid i know it to be, i do it because i like to. I throw myself into raging depressions which causes me to believe i'm bipolar. Seeing as i am also a hypochondriac i'm pretty sure that i am not, in fact, bipolar. I don't know ( Read more... )

I'm beginning to think that i write myself to sleep. Promptly after i enter something crazy into this display of inconsistencies I pass out in the comfort of the ac on high. I don't know why but i'm drinking a rum and coke and thinking about how hypocritical I am. About this time last year I made a big deal about not drinking and having serious ( Read more... )

I fear that i will be stabbed in the back. Literally. Like someone will come up behind me when i'm pretending as if i'm not paying attention and JAB JAB JAB it's over. Maybe that's a morbid thought or maybe i'm onto something here. I've decided that i eat ice cream when i'm down. And considering the count of pints i've had these last few days, i ( Read more... )

The world is an upside down cake. Not like a yummy cake that is baked upside down, i mean its like somebody dropped your fucking birthday cake on the ground and now you're stuck just staring at it. I try to make sense for the world but I in fact make no sense at all. I'm in a very good and very bad place. She hates it but I love it. I love him. ( Read more... )

Nan and Mallory are asleep in the next room, mom's at work, cat's outside, dogs sleeping on the couch and here I am at the computer again. I hate medication. I have the hardest time swallowing the shit and then it makes me all crazy and moody. It's just for a stupid infection but i'm getting all the stupid side effects. I'm being offered a full ( Read more... )