All At Once (iii/iii)
part two |
(iii)
.love
“I’m fine, Baekhyun, really.” Jongdae spends the rest of the following days reassuring his best friend via cell phone calls and text messages that he’s okay. He wonders if Baekhyun has always been this clingy, and then begins to feel bad for Tao, who probably has it worse than he does.
“How can I be sure you’re not lying?” Baekhyun demands, and Jongdae can hear chatter and the clinging of dishes in the background. Unbelievable - Baekhyun called him while he’s out eating.
“Because I haven’t hung up on you once,” Jongdae deadpans, rolling his eyes as he hears an order being taken in Chinese.
There’s a huff on the other side, and Jongdae rejoices internally because he knows he’s won this round. “Fine,” Baekhyun relents. “Just- remember to call me if you need me, okay?”
Jongdae sighs, pressing the phone against his ear as he clocks out of work with his free hand. “Okay, okay. Just go enjoy your dinner with your boyfriend now, and stop bothering me.”
“I always enjoy my boyfriend, and I’ll never stop bothering you,” Baekhyun hums. “But I’ll see you soon, Jongdae. Say hi to Junmyeon for me.”
Jongdae hangs up on Baekhyun this time. He’s proud of himself for lasting this long anyway, actually.
-
It’s an awkward first meeting after last night. Jongdae’s head is buzzing with questions, but they all boil down to one when he comes face-to-face with Junmyeon.
“How did you know?”
Junmyeon looks up, startled. He must have been immersed in his thoughts before, because the door jingled when Jongdae walked in, so he hadn’t exactly snuck up on the man. “Oh, hey,” he breathes once he sees Jongdae, but there’s something different about the air between them and it scares Jongdae.
“Hey,” Jongdae replies, frowning slightly at how disoriented Junmyeon looks. “You okay?” he asks, catching Junmyeon’s unfocused gaze.
“Uh, yeah,” Junmyeon mumbles, looking down. “What’s-what’s up?” he asks, clearing his throat as he sits up a little straighter in his seat.
Jongdae isn’t convinced. “I was just wondering how you knew to come yesterday,” he says.
He’s never seen Junmyeon’s face so dark before. There’s a shadow over Junmyeon’s face, out of place on the man who always wears a smile around Jongdae, who lights up Jongdae’s cloudiest days. Jongdae almost doesn’t want to know the answer after seeing the change of expression.
After what feels like forever, Junmyeon mumbles, voice low but loud enough for Jongdae hear, “Let’s just say Luhan hangs around the karaoke place a lot, and he- he may have mentioned something.”
Jongdae nods, already understanding. He can’t say he’s surprised about Luhan - the man oozes one-night-stands and sex appeal - but he is taken back by Junmyeon’s reaction to him.
“I-I see,” Jongdae stammers. He wants Junmyeon to look at him instead of staring at his hands, but he’s also afraid of what he’ll see.
“Do you?” Junmyeon asks, finally holding his head up enough for Jongdae to look into his eyes. What he sees scares him, sends shivers down his spine in a way he didn’t know was possible.
“I think I do?” Jongdae says slowly, although it sounds like a question out loud and in his head. When Junmyeon doesn’t react, Jongdae hesitates, because he’s still scared, still doesn’t think he deserves Junmyeon, but a voice in his head - that Baekhyun one again - slowly prods him out of his shell, which is why Jongdae leans in even though every fiber of his body screams that this is dangerous. He could afford losing a stranger to a kiss, but not Junmyeon. No, losing Junmyeon would tear him apart.
Junmyeon seems to sense his hesitation, but he doesn’t move to help or hurt anything. So Jongdae continues until he feels lips against his, soft but unmoving. He closes his eyes shut, waiting for a rejection, but it never comes.
Instead, he pulls away, confused. Junmyeon understands, taking Jongdae’s hand slowly, the touch running goosebumps up Jongdae’s arm, even in the warm weather.
“Let’s... take this slowly.” Junmyeon smiles softly, patting the back of his hand.
Jongdae doesn’t know what he means when Junmyeon says ‘slowly’, but he’s willing to learn if Junmyeon keeps his smile.
-
The neon flyer on Jongdae’s bed is hard to miss, especially when he knows he didn’t put it there. Picking up the flyer, his eyes widen as he walks out to the kitchen where his brother is sitting, eating leftovers and watching TV.
“What is this?” he asks, holding up the flyer.
Jongin glances at him, blinking. “Isn’t it self-explanatory?” he asks innocently.
“I mean, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Jongdae asks, exasperated as he rereads the date just to make sure he read it correctly, but he’s right: the show’s date is this Friday, two days from now.
“You seemed busy,” Jongin says, almost shy as he ducks his head. Jongdae sighs, finding it odd yet endearing how his brother is almost an adult now yet he stills acts like a child. “So are you going to come?”
“Of course,” he replies without hesitation. “But you know I’m never too busy for your shows.”
Jongin flushes. “I know. I just- never mind. I’m glad you’re coming.”
Jongdae frowns, wanting to know what his brother was about to say. It isn’t like Jongin to keep secrets either. But knowing Jongin, Jongdae doesn’t push it. Instead, he says, “I’m glad I’m coming too,” lips quirking upwards when Jongin smiles in return.
He’s about to turn back into his room when Jongdae stops at the foot of his door, spinning around to look at his brother. “By the way, Jongin?”
“Hmm?”
“Does this invite come with a plus one?”
-
“A dance show?” Junmyeon asks, eyeing the flyer Jongdae handed him. “For a high school?”
“Yeah, my brother is starring in it. I told you he dances, right?”
“Yeah, but still- a high school show? Is this your way of hitting on me, Jongdae?”
Said man rolls his eyes, ignoring Junmyeon’s comment as he says, “It could be our first date.”
Junmyeon laughs at that. “Our first date is going to be a high school show,” he remarks, quirking an eyebrow as Jongdae purses his lips. “I’ve got to say, Jongdae, you’re really going all out for me, aren’t you?”
“You could just say no if you’re going to be so sassy,” Jongdae snips, crossing his arms as Junmyeon chuckles.
“Why would I say no?” he asks innocently, tilting his head to look at Jongdae, who smiles at that.
“Meet me at six?”
“Are you going to introduce yourself to my parents first?” Junmyeon teases, laughing as Jongdae flips him the bird on his way out.
-
“I can’t believe you took Junmyeon as your plus one and not me,” Baekhyun sighs loudly as the two walk into the theater. Jongdae refrains from rolling his eyes, opting to smack his friend on the arm instead.
“I told you, it’s a date and besides, I already knew Jongin invited you so why would I take you,” Jongdae says, pushing Baekhyun away as the older tries to latch himself onto Jongdae’s arm.
“I know, it’s just so hard watching my boys grow up.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, you know Jongin’s like my brother too, and now he’s going to graduate soon. And then there’s you, who’s like my adopted brother who I tolerate” - Jongdae shoves him -”and you’re getting yourself a cute boyfriend and then there’s me-”
“With your CEO boyfriend who’s waiting for you right now, so why don’t you go bother him instead?” Jongdae says dryly, tilting his head towards Tao, who is currently squinting at his cellphone and typing very slowly. Tao must be a keeper if he texts so slowly yet sends Baekhyun long-ass messages everyday.
“Because bothering you beats everything else,” Baekhyun coos, cackling as Jongdae proceeds to shove him for the umpteenth time. Baekhyun gets the message this time, practically skipping back to Tao while sending kissy faces to Jongdae, who proceeds to ignore his best friend.
He finds Junmyeon waiting in the lobby, looking around. Feeling better tonight than he has in a long time, Jongdae decides to mess around with Junmyeon, sneaking around him and poking the man in his stomach, watching as Junmyeon jumps up in the air in shock.
“I thought you ditched me,” Junmyeon chuckles once his heart rate calms down again. “Would’ve been weird explaining how I got lost at a high school function, you know.”
“Why would I leave you? You’re my ride home,” Jongdae hums, grabbing Junmyeon’s arm and leading him towards their seats by Baekhyun and Tao.
The show starts shortly, Junmyeon making side comments about how they should’ve gotten popcorn before Jongdae elbows him lightly to make him shut up.
As the lights are lowered, Jongdae’s eyes immediately search for his brother. He holds his breath when a familiar figure takes the stage alone, silhouette moving against the background in an eerily beautiful sense. There is no doubt in his mind that this is his brother.
Watching Jongin dance, Jongdae thinks this feeling of weightlessness must be how Jongin feels up on the stage. All his fears wash away as the first performance wraps up, the crowd cheering and Jongdae smiling as if it was he who just finished the dance. It’s been so long since he last saw his brother dance, and he’s thankful for the chance now because it’s what he needed to let his brother go.
He’s not afraid anymore. There’s potential and beauty and hope in Jongin’s eyes, something Jongdae knows all too well, and he feels selfish for wishing his brother wouldn’t leave him. He knows Jongin is capable of great feats, and if Jongdae has to let him go for that to happen, then so be it.
Because no one else deserves a standing ovation like Jongin does.
-
After the show, Jongdae hands his brother a bouquet of flowers he’d brought for him. Jongin looks embarrassed, having his brother bring him lilies like he’s a little kid, but he takes them anyway and allows his brother to ruffle his hair.
Upon seeing Junmyeon, Jongin’s eyes widen in recognition. Despite Jongdae’s protests, Jongin insists he goes out with his dance friends and come back home later. But Jongdae knows better, because Jongin has the audacity to wink at him when Junmyeon isn’t looking.
Soon after, Baekhyun and Tao disappear; Jongdae thinks he’d rather not know where they went. Junmyeon laughs when Jongdae tells him this, before tugging him towards the exit.
“So, how’d you like it?” Jongdae asks as they enter Junmyeon’s car.
“It was really good. I had no idea your brother was such a great dancer,” Junmyeon praises with a nod as he starts up the engine. “I guess talent must run in the family,” he remarks, smiling as he glances at Jongdae out of the corner of his eye.
“Careful there. I don’t want to jump you while you’re driving,” Jongdae teases, and Junmyeon just laughs at that. The rest of the drive is filled with playful banter, Jongdae playing with Junmyeon’s free hand the entire time, admiring the vein that runs down his ring finger.
The car ride is too short, and Jongdae doesn’t want to leave when they pull up to his building. He turns to Junmyeon, unable to keep the disappointment out of his eyes. The older seems to understanding, smiling softly as he leans in towards Jongdae.
Right when Jongdae thinks Junmyeon’s going to kiss him, instead he feels arms circle around his waist and pull him in close. He’s startled for a moment, before he lets his head rest against Junmyeon’s warm chest.
Jongdae pulls away first, eyes meeting Junmyeon. Maybe past Jongdae would have hesitated, would have misunderstood Junmyeon’s restraint as something worse, like apathy. But Jongdae knows better now. He knows Junmyeon wants this just as badly as he does, but Junmyeon also wants this to be more than just a kiss-and-tell situation - not that Jongdae could ever imagine it being like that anyway. Still, he respects and even admires Junmyeon’s resolve.
It’s slow, something different but something Jongdae thinks might be good for him. He smiles in return, nodding in understanding, but not without leaning in quickly to peck Junmyeon on the cheek before running in.
-
Life settles down for Jongdae. Work gets progressively better as Jongdae is promoted at work after training from Baekhyun and support from Jongin as he takes lessons online to learn the trade. Dates with Junmyeon are simple and sweet, which Jongdae welcomes with open arms.
Jongin is home more often, with graduation nearing. Even though Jongdae has resolved to let go of his fear of Jongin leaving, he still can’t help the feelings of anxiety he gets when he thinks of Jongin no longer by his side.
True to his word, he goes to Baekhyun the day after he stayed up all night, going over scenarios of what may happen to Jongin. Some of them were pleasant - Jongin grows up fine, makes lots of friend, becomes the dancer he always wanted to be - and others were terrifying - Jongin getting injured, or become homesick, or, worst of all, losing hope.
He tells Baekhyun all of this as they sit on Baekhyun’s couch, sharing a bag of chips with the TV playing in the background just as a sound buffer, because no one’s even paying attention to the screen.
Baekhyun listens, just as he promised to, until Jongdae finishes.
“You should tell Jongin,” Baekhyun suggests as soon as Jongdae’s done. Jongdae furrows his eyebrows; that’s not exactly the most profound advice Baekhyun’s ever given, and he admittedly expected more than that. Even a cheesy pep-talk was welcomed at this point.
“You say that as if it’s easy,” he points out, shaking his head.
Baekhyun chuckles quietly. “It is easy. He’s your brother - he’ll understand.
“Hey Jongdae?” Baekhyun murmurs in the middle of the show. Jongdae glances at him out of the corner of his eye, grunting to show he’s listening but unwilling to tear his eyes away from the TV - a good part just came on. “Thanks, by the way.”
“For what?”
“For opening up, sharing your secrets and everything. I really appreciate it.” Baekhyun’s looking at him with those sparkly eyes, which makes Jongdae squirm uncomfortably in his position.
“Alright, alright. Enough with your sap,” he says, flicking a chip at his friend. “Shut up and let me watch Captain America and Iron Man bicker like true men.”
Baekhyun laughs, letting his head fall onto Jongdae’s shoulder but complying in staying quiet. Jongdae lets him stay there, because Baekhyun was there when Jongdae needed a shoulder to rest on too.
-
When Jongdae gets home, he’s surprised to see Jongin and someone else there. He’s never really met Sehun before, yet he knows exactly who he is the moment he sets eyes on him. The boy looks similar to Jongin - tall, lanky but lean. He barely even looks up when Jongdae enters, until Jongin stands up and he follows suit to introduce himself.
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Jongdae says with a small smile.
Sehun nods. “Yeah, me too. Jongin really looks up to you, you know?”
Jongin punches Sehun in the arm with a glare, but Jongdae just laughs. “So you’re going to Jeonju too, huh?”
“Yeah. It’ll be fun, I guess, but we’ll mostly just be dancing, so don’t worry, if you were concerned or anything,” Sehun says with a smile, and Jongdae - to his surprise - finds himself smiling in return.
“Thank you.”
Sehun nods. “No problem.”
He knows it’s probably not the right time, but if Jongdae doesn’t do this now, he doesn’t know if he ever will later. Clearing his throat, he says, “Sorry Sehun, but can I talk to my brother alone now?”
The young man blinks, but doesn’t object. He leaves with a wave to Jongin and a ‘see you later’, which Jongin returns before turning back to his brother, eyes wide with curiosity.
“What is it?” he asks, concern plain in his words. “Is something wrong?”
“No, I just- I need to tell you something.”
“What is it?” he repeats, eyebrows furrowing. Jongdae sighs, walking over to take a seat beside Jongin on the couch.
“I don’t like that you’re leaving,” he confesses. Jongin freezes, but before he can say anything - because Jongdae knows Jongin always has something to say - he continues, “But I accept that you have to. I don’t want you to feel bad about going, because this is your dream and you deserve it, but just know that”- he pauses, clearing his throat that’s beginning to close up -”just know that I’ll be here for you when you come home, and that you can always come me, whenever you need me.” He has to stop himself before his voice cracks, taking in deep breaths as he laces his fingers together on his lap.
“Hyung...” Jongin starts, and his voice sounds a little groggy too. “You know that even if I go far, I’ll never be leaving you. You’re my- you’re my hyung.”
“I know,” Jongdae croaks. “But you’re going to grow up without me.”
“I’ve already been growing up with you, though,” Jongin insists, scooting in closer to his brother to wrap his arm around him. “And you’ve raised me well, hyung.”
Jongdae sniffles, cursing himself for being such an easy crier. “Jongin, I’m sorry,” he whispers, head hung low.
“Don’t be,” Jongin says, voice wobbly, and Jongdae knows he’s about to cry too. In fact, he’s surprised it wasn’t Jongin who shed the first tears, because his brother’s always been a cry-baby. It’s an innocent trait that Jongdae loves about his brother.
“Tell Sehun I’m sorry too.”
Jongin leans back, surprised. “Wait, what happened?” The two just met - how could they have any grudges already?
“Nothing.” Jongdae shakes his head, because it’s the truth: Sehun has done nothing wrong to Jongdae personally. It’s just in Jongdae’s head he sees - or used to see - Sehun as a symbol of something Jongdae has wanted to avoid the moment he became the sole caretaker of his brother. Sehun represents Jongin growing up and growing out of his older brother, into a world less kind and patient. Sehun held the trigger without even knowing it, but now, Jongdae’s taking away the gun. He won’t hurt any more than he needs to any longer.
“Then why...?” Jongin trails off, confused.
“I just- I’m really going to miss you when you leave, Jongin,” Jongdae admits, finally looking up to look at his brother. Jongin’s eyes are red and glazed over, and Jongdae is sure he looks exactly the same, which is why he feels his bottom lip wobble as he nods again and again. “I’m really going to miss you,” he repeats, voice cracking again.
“I’m going to miss you too,” Jongin chokes, wiping his nose with his sleeve and sniffling. Jongdae laughs through his tears, leaning over to wipe a tear off his brother’s cheek, like how he used to when Jongin would trip and skin his knees, and Jongdae could only sing to his brother to cheer him up and wipe away his tears as their mom bandaged him up. It’s different, but the same, and Jongdae is comforted by the fact that some things don’t change.
They sit there together, crying. When Jongdae feels he’s all out of tears, Jongin clears his throat and mumbles, “Hyung?”
“Yeah, Jongin?”
“Don’t be afraid to call me too, if you ever need me. I know you’re strong, hyung, but I can help too. We can be strong together.”
And just like that, Jongdae is proved wrong - Jongin really has grown up, and he does have more tears to shed after all.
-
Junmyeon picks him up the next day for a movie date. Jongdae knows his face is probably swollen from all the crying he did last night, but Junmyeon doesn’t comment on it and Jongdae is grateful for having someone as understanding as Junmyeon.
They stop by the candy store nearby to pick up snacks - which is really just code for Jongdae buying all the flavors of gummy bears while Junmyeon stands by helplessly because he made the mistake of letting Jongdae choose what to buy.
“Are you sure you really want to buy all of those gummy bears?” Junmyeon asks, eyeing Jongdae’s bag. “I mean, how about some variety? Maybe some sour candies too?”
Jongdae pretends to mull it over, only to shake his head and say, “Nah,” before proceeding to the cash register, a mournful Junmyeon on his tail.
After buying a pound worth of gummy bear, they walk to the movie theater. Jongdae has his candy in one hand and Junmyeon in the other, thinking life can’t get better than this.
The movie gets boring halfway in, so he resorts to staring at Junmyeon’s face when he thinks the other isn’t looking. Eventually that starts to get boring too, so he takes a gummy bear out of the bag and flings one straight at Junmyeon’s pretty face.
Junmyeon turns around right away, looking scandalized. “You’re five, aren’t you?” he asks, lips pressed together as he watches Jongdae snicker quietly in the seat beside him.
“Only if you’re four,” Jongdae sings, sticking out his tongue. He’s about to take out another gummy bear for ammunition when Junmyeon grabs his wrist and pulls him in closer.
“Are you really going to do that?” he asks, face so close and yet so far and never has Jongdae wanted to kiss Junmyeon this bad since the night of Jongin’s performance. Their faces are centimeters apart, and he can smell and feel Junmyeon’s minty breath.
To his surprise, it’s Junmyeon who leans in first. He’s hesitant at first, their lips hovering. Jongdae fears he’s going to ruin it by either leaning in or leaning away, so he just stays there. They’re stuck like that for a moment, before Junmyeon’s quiet voice breaks the barrier.
“Can I?” he whispers, and it’s the first time someone has ever asked Jongdae if he could kiss him. It’s cute and strange and not something Jongdae expected from Junmyeon, which is why he nods wordlessly before closing the distance himself.
Junmyeon’s lips are just as soft as they were the first time. Jongdae feels himself melt into the kiss, not even caring if others are actually trying to watch the movie. He’s about to press deeper actually, when Junmyeon pulls away with a soft smile, hand on his waist. “Not here,” he mouths.
Jongdae pouts and mouths in return, “At home?”
Junmyeon’s quiet laughter seems like a hopeful enough answer to keep Jongdae satiated throughout the rest of the movie.
-
Spring cleaning is a pain, but a necessity because without it, he’s pretty sure Jongin’s room would be an endless mess of old homework assignments he never throws away and comic books thrown all over the floor, hidden under piles of unwashed clothing.
Jongdae cleans up as well. He goes through his desk, tossing out old papers he no longer needs. He applauds himself when he tosses away old notes he used to keep that Yixing gave him, love poems that once meant the world to him but now just feel like a distant memory. Still, he lets himself keep a music sheet he and Yixing worked on a while back, because some things are worth saving, even after you’ve moved on.
After he finishes cleaning up his own room, he goes on to help his brother. Jongin takes a little longer to clean up this time, because he’s also started to pack up things he knows he wants to take to college that aren’t clothes, such as books and DVDs. It’s just a small box in the corner labeled ‘COLLEGE’, but Jongdae doesn’t feel hurt when he looks at it anymore at least.
When Junmyeon drops by to take Jongdae out for ice cream, Jongin practically pushes him out of his room with a “Have fun on your date!” and “Remember to use protection!”
Jongdae refrains from flipping off his own brother, although it is a very tempting notion.
-
When Jongin graduates, Jongdae gives himself a pat on the back for not crying at the cap-and-gown ceremony. He tears up a little, but he passes it off as allergies, even after Junmyeon gives him the ‘I-don’t-believe-you-at-all-but-because-I-love-you-I’ll-let-it-pass’ look.
After the ceremony, Jongin practically runs to Jongdae, who lets go of Junmyeon to greet his brother with a huge hug. “I’m so proud of you,” he tells him, smiling as he leans back to look at his brother.
“Thanks,” Jongin breathes, heart racing with adrenaline.
They hang around to talk for a while after, until Jongdae gestures it’s time for them to leave. Jongin nods, sobering up when he remembers, and Jongdae promises to meet Junmyeon and everyone else afterwards for dinner, but for now, it’s just the two of them.
It’s a quiet walk to the graveyard. Jongin looks hesitant when they arrive, but Jongdae takes his hand and leads him towards the site he knows better than the back of his hand.
“I’m-I’m nervous,” Jongin admits, playing with the front of his gown. “I haven’t been here in a while. Do you think they’re mad?”
“No,” Jongdae answers without hesitation. “How could they be mad at you? They love you.”
Jongin hangs his head. “I know, I just- I feel bad.”
“Don’t. You’re a great son; you don’t need to visit some grave site to prove that.” Jongdae internally wonders when he learned that lesson himself.
He starts out the introduction, knowing Jongin’s at a loss for words now, staring at the names on the gravestone with unmoving eyes. “Hi, mom and dad. It’s been a while, again, but I brought someone this time. He’s missed you.” He glances at Jongin, who visibly swallows before speaking.
“H-hi,” he breathes. “I’m- I miss you, guys. I wish you guys could have- could have been there to see me.” He inhales deeply, and Jongdae rubs circles on his back comfortingly. “Jongdae has been taking good care of me. I couldn’t have asked for a better hyung.”
Jongdae smiles at that, feeling tears prickling his eyes for the second time today but he keeps them in for Jongin’s sake.
“Just- thank you so much, for everything. I hope you’re well up there,” Jongin whispers, looking up towards the sky. He breathes in and then out once more, nodding as he closes his eyes. “Thank you,” he repeats once more. “I love you both.”
Jongin pulls away at that, overwhelmed, but Jongdae falters for a second longer, staring at the gravestone. He presses a kiss to his fingers then to the warm stone, before pulling away.
Maybe in the past, Jongdae would have lingered. He would have sat there and told his parents everything, from start to finish. But today, he doesn’t. He has something else - someone else - to look forward to, someone in the future and not the past.
So instead he smiles, says “thank you” one more time, and follows his brother out.
-
It’s a hot summer night, and Junmyeon is sleeping over because Jongin is away at a dance camp as a volunteer helper.
They’re watching late night sitcoms together, making bad jokes about the already bad jokes on the TV. Jongdae doesn’t even notice when Junmyeon stops paying attention to the screen and starts staring only at Jongdae until the commercials come and Jongdae glances over at his boyfriend, surprised when their eyes meet.
“What? Do I have something on my face?” he asks dryly, grinning when Junmyeon just shakes his head. “Am I really that attractive then?” he continues, laughing at his own joke, but Junmyeon just smiles and continues staring. “Ah, seriously, what is it? You’re freaking me out,” he asks, repositioning himself so his body is facing Junmyeon now.
What comes next throws him off his axis. “I think I love you.”
Jongdae blinks a couple of times, wondering if he’s daydreaming. When he finally realizes this is actually happens, he laughs a little, because Junmyeon is awful at timing but then again, Jongdae’s not one to speak either.
“It’s about time,” he says instead, playing it off coolly. Junmyeon doesn’t react though; he just keeps staring, and it’s unnerving now.
“Do you love me?” Junmyeon asks next, and Jongdae feels his breath being sucked out of him.
But he can’t lie, not to Junmyeon. “Yeah. I have for a while,” he admits, smiling a little shyly at his lame confession. Can they go back to making cheesy jokes now? Jongdae is much more comfortable with that Junmyeon than this serious one.
“Good,” Junmyeon says, smiling even brighter than before now. Jongdae has to blink to adjust.
“You’re acting weird.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
Junmyeon chuckles, leaning in closer to Jongdae, who wants to fall back in response but keeps his position just to show Junmyeon he’s not intimidated, even though he secretly is - just a little, at least. “Maybe it’s because I want to kiss you.”
Jongdae actually laughs at that. When did his boyfriend become like this, all gross and stuff? He must admit he likes it a little, but it’s also a little strange - not that Jongdae can complain. “Then why don’t you?”
Of course, Junmyeon isn’t one to back down either. He leans in and kisses Jongdae full on the lips, and Jongdae can feel him smiling as he soaks up everything that is Junmyeon.
Somewhere in the back of Jongdae’s mind, he thinks Junmyeon is perfect. Maybe not as a person, but for Jongdae, he is. Sometimes Jongdae is reminded of Minseok when Junmyeon would bring him old movies to watch together, and sometimes he’s reminded of Yixing when Junmyeon tries to sing to him.
But at the same time, Junmyeon is nothing like Jongdae’s old boyfriends. Junmyeon stays with him on the phone the night before he comes over, looking up what movies to bring over the next day and going over every single plot summary to make sure Jongdae won’t hate it. Junmyeon makes sure to choose the cheesiest songs on the karaoke machine just to make Jongdae laugh. Junmyeon hesitates to hold Jongdae’s hand, but when Jongdae clasps their hand together, his face lights up brighter than the sun.
It’s familiar and foreign all at once, something Jongdae never thought possible. But Junmyeon makes it work - he always has and he always will. Maybe Jongdae can’t always count on love, but he can count on Junmyeon and that’s even better than anything he could have ever hoped for.
• fin.
a/n:
- For those who weren’t aware of what the prompt was, it was basically this poem. I did quote at least two lines directly, so I want to give credit where credit is due.
- I apologize for any and all typos. My beta actually got to the ones in the first/second part, but because we shared this doc via Google Docs and I didn’t want to re-copy and paste in fear of screwing up the format, I wasn’t able to get her corrections T_T I did go over it myself, but I admittedly got lazy towards the end [sigh] So again, so sorry!
- Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to throw mistakes/typos my way too, of course! :)