Scott Milley died in Afghanistan the weekend after Thanksgiving while on foot patrol. He was shot by small arms fire, and died. Growing up, we lived two houses away from each other. I have known him ever since I moved to Sudbury when I was in the first grade. A grade older than me, Scooter (as everyone called him) was enduringly funny and kind. ( Read more... )

Everything reminds me of him. So many songs, sayings, objects, anything brings up a memory. He's so ingrained in my life and in my memories, I can't not think about him. More than just missing him, I'm also missing the life I'm never going to have. The life we had planned and looked forward to. I will never get married to him in the Martha Mary ( Read more... )

I would seriously pay someone $50 bucks right now to write my college app essay. 500-800 words about myself, only about a page and a half, and I CANNOT do it. I am mentally blocked. I am literally FUCKED.

So, mike just asked if I was writing about anything good, and I said nothing good at all. I have known for a while that I write more in my journal when I'm unhappy, because that's when I try and hide how I'm feeling from people. But that doesn't show just how happy a person I really am, it just shows my fears and frustration. I realized that I don' ( Read more... )

I woke up this morning, looked around my apartment, and realized that I did not want to be there. I didn't want to be awake. I was alone in my bed, with nothing to do today and no one to see. I felt so overwhelmed with sadness and did not want to get out of bed and deal with it ( Read more... )

so. my car broke down and is taking forever to fix, so I have no job or way of getting to an interview until I get my car back (whenever that may be). I am sitting around my apartment every day waiting to hear back from places I applied and waiting for mike to be done with his work so that I have something to do. although now that people are back ( Read more... )

Sometimes I think about how often I am upset about something trivial or something even seemingly important, and wonder whether I will ever be fully satisfied with my life. There have been times when I was generally very happy, like with Derek and this past summer. It was only trivial stuff that bothered me then. I've noticed more dark months and ( Read more... )

we broke up.

I hate this whole thing. Why can't love be enough?

Here's what I woke up to this morning: An email from my dad saying

Hey kiddo! Just wanted to let you know that I love you. I miss you too. Hope to see
you soon. Love, Daddy.

I love my dad.

I ate this tonight. Now I feel bad, and I hope that the next time I go to the zoo I can look at these beautiful creatures without shame.


( Read more... )