LJ Idol, Week 2: Spoons

[thistle_verse]

Mint green walls, a few shades too bright. White and gray flecked tile, mopped and bleached every night, easily sanitized. She taps the spoon on the edge of the porcelain, lets the excess milk drip back into the bowl. The oatmeal is too thin today

Comments

[bleodswean]

Ah, so sweet and so very sad. Nice work here. I love the vignette style and you've used it to brilliance. Also...great use of the prompt!

This line is beautiful - He’s flash and charm and belly laughs just like the others, but there’s a small quiet place in him, too, a place she’s made her own. and true. It's difficult to write out these small, deeply felt feelings and yet you make it look so easy.

[thistle_verse]

Thanks, E! I'm interested and glad to hear that you liked that line! It was the one I wasn't sure about when I reread it; I wondered if I'd strayed too far into telling, not showing.

[bleodswean]

*nods* I think that's a solid self-critique and I'm glad it gave you pause....but without warrant, I believe. BECAUSE you show so much more and we need this interior glimpse, from you as the author and from your protagonist. I feel it's small poetic lines such as that which give a smaller piece that kick galvanic and also align the reader with the writer's intent.

[sinnamongirl]

So poignant and touching, really good job on the prompt!

[thistle_verse]

Thank you!

[leni_ba]

Those last three sentences really make this short story. Beautiful, and sad, but mostly beautiful.

[thistle_verse]

Thank you!!

[eternal_ot]

Aww..<3 This stole my heart this week..Beautiful use of the prompt..great capture of the emotions that flow throughout. Good Job! Kudos!

[thistle_verse]

Thank you so much!

[muchtooarrogant]

You have such an amazing gift with description!

I enjoyed the sense I had of your character traveling in-between two worlds--the home, the pub, and the last scene which served to bridge them both. I wonder, is any further connection possible, can the man she loves enter the world of the home, or does she hold them mutually exclusive?

Very well done!

Dan

[thistle_verse]

Thank you!

It does feel like two very separate worlds, and I can only imagine she would merge them when she was really sure about Andy.