Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a

Find out how much your personal Co2 emissions can add to or reduce the global total. Go to the "Take Action" section of this website.

Then take stock of your Water Usage.

The Iranians have uranium. The Iranians have uranium.

Say that five times fast!

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From the Associated Press:ORLANDO, Fla. - President Bush suggested Wednesday that he’d like to see his family’s White House legacy continue, perhaps with his younger brother Jeb as the chief executive ( Read more... )

God, I just used my new Oreck XL (a generous Mother's Day gift) and I actually had to smoke a cigarette afterwards.

And here I thought I'd never find true love again.

Eureka! No wait, that's a different brand.

I was shot in the pancreas and survived. You know my feeling--every day is a gift.

But why does it have to be a pair of socks?

--Tony Soprano

One of the more asinine traditions here in San Antonio is to toilet-paper the trees after every single Spurs game (how many of those are there a year, multiplied by the number of drunk and rabid fans with nothing better to do, times the number of trees = about a 40 million rolls of toilet paper, which destroys how many trees, which ends up hanging ( Read more... )

I just buried Mr. Wizard, a fully-grown Green Anole who had come to live in my house for a while, out in the garden under some shady boxwood ( Read more... )

Don't confuse motion with progress.
--Alfred Montapert