I am the most miserable I've been in a while. Day two at work as a grown up.

I'm not asking for much, just a job.

I'm in Massachusetts right now, and I don't know how I feel about it. I want to lose weight and be a little cooler and stuff. There are many things I don't understand. I am a drunk and it is not fair. I miss gurnes. I miss alyssa. I miss a whole lot of people, and I think i'm becoming more and more bitter. Perhaps.

godammit i want to kill myself but i'm too chickenshit thinkin' there's something better

if i wanted to show the world how i truly feel, I would light myself on fire and run around trying to make a long exposure photograph of starry night, or writing poetry with the light from my firey body.

One of my best memories ever:

Being drunk on Coney Island, singing along to Lithium with Alex and his friend Pete while waiting for some ride to let out. Then some Latino man asked us what the name of the song was. Luckily I got it.

It's great to go into a place every day and realize that you are continually getting worse or (at best) standing still.

So last night I kissed the girl that I was pursuing for quite some time. She started to cry.

My life is awesome.

I can feel the fire in my heart becoming extinguished as I type this. I lack the freedom to exist in the world the way I want to. I thought my existence before was bound to boredom, but I would kill to be as bored as I was then.

I have so many ideas.

and very little time in which to do them in.

I am getting older.

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