Brigit's Flame Week 2 - All But Past

[tigerlilly33]

Title: All But Past
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Word Count: 941
Prompt: Sanguine
A/N: I've been out of town for most of the week and didn't really have much time to work on my writing. I just started this a couple of hours ago because I really want to keep up the momentum of BF! Not sure if it's good enough to get through to next week with all the other

Comments

[bluegerl]

OOOH the Tarots. Aah treat them with respect! Oh dear, poor girl, and I fear for her! Wow, that was a nasty marvellous! I love the twisty ending... oh dear. The cards speak only the truth to those who can see...

Thanks so MUCH for this. Really. Such an ordinary start, and bang - the ending. SUPER. xxxxx Blue.

[tigerlilly33]

Thanks Blue! Sometimes I start with the twist in mind and I just have to figure out how to get there. Glad it worked this time :)

[tigerlilly33]

Oh yes, it could have been so much more if I'd had the time. I'm just glad it got written :)

Thanks for the support, as always.

[firesign10]

Oh, that was really neat!! Very chilling!

[tigerlilly33]

Thanks!

Your BF edit!

[keppiehed]

Hey, you lucky duck, you! I'm one of your editors this week.

Going to start with SPaG comments (of which you know there will be few, you're always one of the best!), then we'll move to concrit. Empty brackets denote a comma deletion:

-t was a small, rather non-descript building along a small, non-descript side street. "nondescript" is not a hyphenate

-A woman[ ] dressed in a yellow sundress and flip-flops walked into view. Also, you may want to consider rephrasing to avoid the awkwardness of "dress" twice in the same sentence.

-“No, I…just think we should try something else,” she replied, giving Susan a forced smile. remember to leave a full space surrounding a set of ellipses

-Susan could hear some sort of long[-]lost accent slip into her voice as she asked the question.

- The same boney, expressionless face stared up from the table. sb: bony

-One after another, he[r] fingers flew through the same image.That's all I could specifically find. There were some places where the paragraphs could have been split to reflect the

Re: Your BF edit!

[tigerlilly33]

Keppie, my darling. Thank you for such a fantastic edit. Your eyes saw so much more than I did. (Damn you grammar and typos) I suppose they weren't so bad for a rush job, though. I love learning and growing from the concrit I get here. It's made me a much better writer.

As I recall, there was similar mention to "not my best, been sick" or some such commentary in your last A/N, so we both have to work on the old apologies. But I do think we are getting better. I could have been way harsher, if I'm being honest :P

Your comments (and your stories, you writing wizard) are the highlight of my week as well. Thanks again for taking the time to look over my story and your great feedback :)

Re: Your BF edit!

[keppiehed]

Er, um ... that falls under the do as I say, not as I do school of advice. *laughs* Why is it so hard not to be down on ourselves?! But really, you are always so spot-on. I hate being your editor because you make me earn my keep around here and really work for it! (I'm so lazy! My secret's out!)

[belluminabyssus]

Ooh, loved the twist at the end ... totally not what I was expecting. I loved the fact that all the cards turned to death, and what it meant for Susan.

My only quibble is POV. I think your POV here is convenient, which usually means to me it's not right. At the beginning, the story's in Susan's POV, which then switches to Madame Blue's POV just for two paragraphs. I love her revelation at the end, but I'm not sure how much I like the random switch in perspective. Just a thought, but perhaps you could do the whole story in Madame's POV?

[tigerlilly33]

Really great comments, Bellum. Thank you. I completely agree with you on POV. I had originally thought of using MB's POV, but it got all mixed up along the way and I just didn't have the time to fix it.