It's ridiculous how much I miss my ED sometimes. I want to crawl in to a corner with it and feel safe. The safety of my skeleton, the way I know that I am okay because I can feel and see and trace the inner workings of my body. Then I know that I am not just a crazed voice, I am contained to a shell, in my cage. I hate the feeling of fat under ( Read more... )

Wrestling with throwing up so dirty. Purging. Puking. I don't care.
I could right now. Mom and Hannah are downstairs, I'm alone up here.

I hate eating. All I want to do is smoke cigarettes all the time, time to go back to college.

The trainer didn't take my measurements or anything on Monday, so I have to wait for Thursday. It sucks but I've been eating so so so badly so hopefully tomorrow I'll be on track (it should be easier cause I'm working tomorrow night and I usu don't binge until late) and my measurements won't be out the roof ( Read more... )

The King's Crossing was the main attraction: dominoes falling in a chain reaction. A scraping subject ruled by fear told me, "Whiskey works better than beer." The judge is on vinyl. Decisions are final and nobody gets a reprieve. And every wave is tidal- if you hang around, you're going to get wet ( Read more... )

Height: 5' 2.5"
Current weight =  106 :[. i was 104 the other week.
Ultimate goal weight = 88-95
Current dress size = 0-2
Goal dress size = baggier
Current jean size = i have 24-26" which all fit.
Goal jean size = 22-23"


( Read more... )

This is the house that I was so thin in.

It makes me believe I can do it again.

But these are the friends I haven't seen since I was so dedicated and small.   I can't handle them to see me now.

110 lbs.

God I'm gross.

If I don't make it to the low 90s in October, I don't know what I'll do.