i know i know, rhonda said i need to make "i deserve to be happy" my new mantra and say it about ten billion times a day, especially when i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. i'm trying to shake it off, really i am!
my first thought was that you've probably got some general anxiety because you've been out of work for awhile so you'e finding things to pin that feeling on and maybe the death talk from your mom and her friend is giving it a focus. or does having good things come to you make you feel anxious? i thought when you mentioned more money from uncle ed how good it is that you got it just when you needed it, but maybe you're concerned that if good things happen to you too many times that there has to be a "reason" for it that isn't so good? is it hard for you to just enjoy it
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i don't know if i can't enjoy anything because it's some kind of repressed guilt or what but no, i have a difficult time accepting and enjoying. i think my mother gave me that sense of, "everyone has a hidden agenda including god." then d proved it. now i'm trying to get over it. :)
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