the familiar claws of my strange panic grab me and i feel like i cant breathe, even though i'm breathing. the walls that hold and nurture me, are suddenly pressing too close, and it starts to feel a prison. i want to squeeze through the cracks before they close and run the moment my feet touch the grass. i dont know whether it's about freedom, or ( Read more... )

i woke up smiling with the thought of him.

if i could see you
(the way others see you).
if i could hug you
(just once, i'd never let go)
if i could kiss you
(and feel the world disappear)
maybe i could tell you
(laughing, dancing, smiling)
everything i say and forget to say
(erased before it's written)
they would be yours
(given to you if i could)
but i can't.

there's such light in his darkness;
i need to feel the blood flowing through his veins
declaring he's truly mortal.
i want drink his pain from his lips
and take it into myself;
a delicious taint of sweetness
as we share the intoxicating agony
of being alive together
in the same manner our breath mingles
when we press close.

the darkness is richer ( Read more... )

i was cleaning out some old files and found this as part of a diary entry in 2003. it's interesting to reflect on how in some ways i am so different from that girl, and in other ways i'm still exactly the same ( Read more... )

i am heartsick and weary from the violent poison of your allure. love isn't nice. once, my ribs would ache from desire to be close to you. my spirit rose and fell upon the tides of our relationship. you asked me once, at the beginning, how could I deny that my heart beat just for you, when you were the only one who heard it. should I have known ( Read more... )

i am unmade, alone.

the curves of my body

are forgotten.

i only knew myself

with your hands.

i was defined

by your skin

on my skin.

where i ended

was you.

somehow he crawled within.
his lips have stained me
under my skin.
and though i scour
every inch of me.
the hottest shower
cant wash him away.
these unwanted desires-
they stay.

I love watching her dance. She's my sickness. I go weak at the knees, and my heart pounds like it's breaking, and my whole world tilts with the sway of her hips. She's burning hot, and I can see the faint gleam of sweat on her skin. I can see the heat radiating off her, a fever that spreads to me across the room ( Read more... )

I am not a person who could ever exist in isolation. I am formless, always seeking shape in the eyes of others, in the needs of others. Without others I am nothing. Incomplete, restless and sad. But sometimes I need to be alone. Completely alone, long enough to remember I am nothing. To surrender every vanity of value and purpose I have before I ( Read more... )