Comments | tofusushi: Question

tofusushi

Question

Mar 29, 2004 15:25

Situation: Your professional photographer boyfriend wants to hire some beautiful swimsuit models for postcard pictures. Before you and he started dating he sometimes took photos of swimsuit and occasionally topless models. Although your boyfriend has dated many, many, women before he met you, he has never dated any of his models and claims he ( Read more... )

Comments 6

pepfin March 29 2004, 18:02:00 UTC

Real Question: What do you do?

Just like you said, just because other women are okay with it - doesn't mean you have to be just like them. You have your own thoughts and feelings and don't have to change them just because other people feel differently than you do. I mean, basically he's telling you it is your problem and you should deal with it...

You know this would never happen in my world... so I don't have the slightest bit of advice for you. Sorry! I wish I could be more help!

tofusushi March 29 2004, 18:27:30 UTC

How can you tell the difference between an insecurity you need to work on and a legitimate red flag?

pepfin March 29 2004, 18:32:56 UTC

That would really depend on how many red flags occur on a daily basis. Hardcore personality changes that are affecting your relationship should not be occurring with such frequency.

There will be times on our lives where we recognize when something inside of us needs to be faced, challenged and changed to help facilitate a productive, loving relationship. A difference of opinion is just that when the problem is faced by both partners and a compromise is made. If there is no compromise offered and someone is told that they should just deal with it because it is obviously their problem... well that's just plain disrespectful and not very loving.

change your perspective... gypsytea March 29 2004, 18:28:32 UTC

First of all, think of it this way...he claims he's a "professional." Professional photographers don't want to be known for having questionable liasons with models, it sullies their reputation. The better models are not going to work with a guy who's known for being a sleazeball. Conversely, models generally aren't in it to either get hit on, or pick up on, photographers...they're in it to get good photos, to make a break, to become the next Christy Turlington or Naomi Campbell. You don't get there by sleeping with photogs. (Maybe by sleeping with top-rung modeling agency executives, but not photogs ( ... )

Re: change your perspective... tofusushi March 30 2004, 10:37:01 UTC

You make an EXCELLENT point. He doesn't really have anything to gain either if he wants to continue his relationship with me and maintain his professionalism. I never thought about it that way =)

deleriumgirl March 29 2004, 22:17:28 UTC

If a man or a woman is going to cheat on their partner theres nothing, absolutely nothing you can do to prevent it. No matter how loving, sweet, kind, caring, sexual, attractive or considerate of them you are it wont stop it from happening. I know we really dont know each other well but Id like to think that a response from me and your friends who've already done so will help you through this in some small way.
The only thing you can do is be faithful to yourself and your wants and needs. And I agree with your friend who mentioned "red flags". They dont usually happen without reason. Perhaps its time to really evaluate yourself and your situation. Not him. You need to do whats right for you no matter what anyone says or thinks because you are the only one who lives your life. No one else.