The Thief Bride - Chapter 3
Title: The Thief Bride
Author: Starfire AKA ToketsuPuurin
Summary: A very bizzare parody that resulted from lack of sleep and strange LJ conversations.
Continuity: Pfffft! Sheeyah-right.
Pairing: Selina/Bruce
Rating: G-PG
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Only a few nights later Selina found herself leaping over the rooftops. She had gone out early that day and the sun had just barely finished setting, its faint glow could still be seen from her perch atop a chapel. The moon was coming out, and she had always found that the view at this time was particularly lovely from a certain spot near the center of the bridge not too far from where she was. She dropped easily from the roof and made her way across the lane next to the river. As she passed She noted three very odd men standing near the bridge.
"A word my lady," called the short, balding one as she approached. "We are but impecunious circus performers, and our transport has broken down. Be there any good samaritans about who could assist us?"
She laughed lightly "There probably aren't any nearby... not for miles. Not in this city."
He smiled a twisted grin, and she took a reflexive step back. "Then there will be no one to hear you scream." Her eyes widened in terror as she turned to flee.
The giant of the man had slipped quietly behind her while she had been distracted. She reached out and raked her claws over his chest as she tried to slip away, but the giant was neither fazed by her act, nor harmed. He swung his hand out at incredible speed and backhanded her into unconsciousness.
The third man, a sword strapped to his waist, flicked a wisp of his tousled hair from his face and frowned slightly as the short man pulled a scrap of clothing from his pocket.
"What is that you're ripping?"
"It's fabric from the uniform of an officer of Metropolis," replied the man.
"Who's Metropolis?" asked the giant.
The short man knelt to the ground and began attaching scraps of the cloth to the various cats that had pooled about their feet. He grunted in irritation at the giant's lack of knowledge. "The country across the sea, the sworn enemy of Gotham." He swatted at the cats irritably. "Shoo!"
He was still kicking at them as the three men climbed aboard a waiting boat, docked beneath the bridge. The Giant gently set Selina down and the lanky swordsman began to bind her hands and feet as the other two cast the boat from her moorings.
"Once the cats reach the castle, and I'm sure at least one will, the fabric will make the prince suspect the Metropolitans have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on the Outskirts of Metropolis, his suspicions will be totally confirmed."
The Giant frowned. "You never said anything about killing anyone."
"I've hired you to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition. You can't expect to not get your hands dirty."
"I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl." The Giant muttered glumly.
The redheaded man spun around, fury etched upon his features as he faced the man fully twice his height. "Am I going mad, or did the word "THINK" escape your lips? YOU WERE NOT HIRED FOR YOUR BRAINS, YOU HIPPOPOTAMIC LAND MASS!"
The swordsman piped up "I agree with Clark."
The tiny man's face turned the color of his hair. They both clashed briliantly with the green of his clothing. "OH! THE SOT HAS SPOKEN! WHAT HAPPENS TO HER IS NOT TRULY YOUR CONCERN. I WILL KILL HER, AND REMEMBER THIS, NEVER FORGET THIS: WHEN I FOUND YOU, YOU WERE SO SLOBBERING DRUNK, YOU COULDN'T BUY BRANDY! AND YOU," he was truely howling now as he whirled around again to vent his ire upon Clark, "FRIENDLESS, BRAINLESS, HELPLESS, HOPELESS! DO YOU WANT ME TO SEND YOU BACK TO WHERE YOU WERE, UNEMPLOYED, IN SMALLVILLE?!"
Silence hung over the boat for a time as the two berated men busied themselves with a few small, pointless tasks onboard the ship to avoid any more of the tiny man's enormous rage.
Eventually The swordsman dropped himself against the stern of the boat and took the rudder. He leand over toward Clark who had settled down on a coil of rope.
"That Nigma, he can fuss," He murmured softly.
Clark's eyes defocused for a moment as if he was considering something. "Fuss, fuss...I think he likes to scream... at us."
The swordsman grinned impishly, "Probably he means no harm."
"He's really very short on... charm!"
"You have a great gift for rhyme."
"Yes, yes, some of the time."
Nigma had by this point become quite irritated by the conversation, and evidently the comment about his lack of charm had hit home. "Enough of that! I'm the clever one here!"
"Clark, are there rocks ahead?" The lanky man was grinning even harder now.
"If there are, we all be dead!"
"No more rhymes now, I mean it!"
"Anybody want a peanut?"
The sweet sound of Nigma's frustration rang out over the open waters they had just entered.
Notes: This is a good place to stop... technically this should really still be part of chapter two... but hey. So You know who two of the three are, but can you guess the third? If you couldn't tell by now I've decided to withold some, if not all of the names until they are specifically spoken by another character. In certain cases that means I'll be giving away very little. in some, like the Riddler's case, it was probably pretty darn obvious. I'm probably going to keep writing tonight though so you might be lucky enough to get a fourth chapter. I can't believe I'm still doing this.
Author: Starfire AKA ToketsuPuurin
Summary: A very bizzare parody that resulted from lack of sleep and strange LJ conversations.
Continuity: Pfffft! Sheeyah-right.
Pairing: Selina/Bruce
Rating: G-PG
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Only a few nights later Selina found herself leaping over the rooftops. She had gone out early that day and the sun had just barely finished setting, its faint glow could still be seen from her perch atop a chapel. The moon was coming out, and she had always found that the view at this time was particularly lovely from a certain spot near the center of the bridge not too far from where she was. She dropped easily from the roof and made her way across the lane next to the river. As she passed She noted three very odd men standing near the bridge.
"A word my lady," called the short, balding one as she approached. "We are but impecunious circus performers, and our transport has broken down. Be there any good samaritans about who could assist us?"
She laughed lightly "There probably aren't any nearby... not for miles. Not in this city."
He smiled a twisted grin, and she took a reflexive step back. "Then there will be no one to hear you scream." Her eyes widened in terror as she turned to flee.
The giant of the man had slipped quietly behind her while she had been distracted. She reached out and raked her claws over his chest as she tried to slip away, but the giant was neither fazed by her act, nor harmed. He swung his hand out at incredible speed and backhanded her into unconsciousness.
The third man, a sword strapped to his waist, flicked a wisp of his tousled hair from his face and frowned slightly as the short man pulled a scrap of clothing from his pocket.
"What is that you're ripping?"
"It's fabric from the uniform of an officer of Metropolis," replied the man.
"Who's Metropolis?" asked the giant.
The short man knelt to the ground and began attaching scraps of the cloth to the various cats that had pooled about their feet. He grunted in irritation at the giant's lack of knowledge. "The country across the sea, the sworn enemy of Gotham." He swatted at the cats irritably. "Shoo!"
He was still kicking at them as the three men climbed aboard a waiting boat, docked beneath the bridge. The Giant gently set Selina down and the lanky swordsman began to bind her hands and feet as the other two cast the boat from her moorings.
"Once the cats reach the castle, and I'm sure at least one will, the fabric will make the prince suspect the Metropolitans have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on the Outskirts of Metropolis, his suspicions will be totally confirmed."
The Giant frowned. "You never said anything about killing anyone."
"I've hired you to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition. You can't expect to not get your hands dirty."
"I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl." The Giant muttered glumly.
The redheaded man spun around, fury etched upon his features as he faced the man fully twice his height. "Am I going mad, or did the word "THINK" escape your lips? YOU WERE NOT HIRED FOR YOUR BRAINS, YOU HIPPOPOTAMIC LAND MASS!"
The swordsman piped up "I agree with Clark."
The tiny man's face turned the color of his hair. They both clashed briliantly with the green of his clothing. "OH! THE SOT HAS SPOKEN! WHAT HAPPENS TO HER IS NOT TRULY YOUR CONCERN. I WILL KILL HER, AND REMEMBER THIS, NEVER FORGET THIS: WHEN I FOUND YOU, YOU WERE SO SLOBBERING DRUNK, YOU COULDN'T BUY BRANDY! AND YOU," he was truely howling now as he whirled around again to vent his ire upon Clark, "FRIENDLESS, BRAINLESS, HELPLESS, HOPELESS! DO YOU WANT ME TO SEND YOU BACK TO WHERE YOU WERE, UNEMPLOYED, IN SMALLVILLE?!"
Silence hung over the boat for a time as the two berated men busied themselves with a few small, pointless tasks onboard the ship to avoid any more of the tiny man's enormous rage.
Eventually The swordsman dropped himself against the stern of the boat and took the rudder. He leand over toward Clark who had settled down on a coil of rope.
"That Nigma, he can fuss," He murmured softly.
Clark's eyes defocused for a moment as if he was considering something. "Fuss, fuss...I think he likes to scream... at us."
The swordsman grinned impishly, "Probably he means no harm."
"He's really very short on... charm!"
"You have a great gift for rhyme."
"Yes, yes, some of the time."
Nigma had by this point become quite irritated by the conversation, and evidently the comment about his lack of charm had hit home. "Enough of that! I'm the clever one here!"
"Clark, are there rocks ahead?" The lanky man was grinning even harder now.
"If there are, we all be dead!"
"No more rhymes now, I mean it!"
"Anybody want a peanut?"
The sweet sound of Nigma's frustration rang out over the open waters they had just entered.
Notes: This is a good place to stop... technically this should really still be part of chapter two... but hey. So You know who two of the three are, but can you guess the third? If you couldn't tell by now I've decided to withold some, if not all of the names until they are specifically spoken by another character. In certain cases that means I'll be giving away very little. in some, like the Riddler's case, it was probably pretty darn obvious. I'm probably going to keep writing tonight though so you might be lucky enough to get a fourth chapter. I can't believe I'm still doing this.