Comments | tonguetie: (без темы)

tonguetie

(Untitled)

Nov 07, 2006 19:07

if i post a poem i'm working on, promise not to laugh? actually.. obviously you can laugh, i won't know, but tell me what you think without mentioning that you laughed. that'll be our deal. i can't remember the last time i wrote a poem, let alone the last time i let anyone see one ( Read more... )

Comments 11

bodylikeberlin November 7 2006, 21:43:31 UTC

fucking amazing.

tonguetie November 8 2006, 00:06:37 UTC

coming from you!!

overromanced November 8 2006, 02:36:46 UTC

never doubt yourself.

tonguetie November 8 2006, 02:39:31 UTC

doubt is a gross understatement. and not even in that false modesty, fishing for compliments, ohgollygeethanks type of way. i perpetually convince myself that anything & everything i do/make/say/think (incidentally that's the name of a good band, hah but anyway) is subpar. despite what anyone says.

enamored November 8 2006, 03:23:05 UTC

i love this.
how do you make this seem so effortless and natural but still manage to use literary devices in a way that is suble and effective?
I am jealous.

tonguetie November 8 2006, 13:14:17 UTC

thank you so, so much. i'm really glad you think it's effective but not too 'poem-y'. i didn't want to seem like i was ripping off a particular style without really being it. i guess the 'naturalness' is due to the fact that i haven't edited the damn thing, hah. this is the first draft. i've always been terrible with making outlines/rough drafts/final drafts. my first copy usually ends up being the copy. i'm planning on working on this, though. i just needed to step away from it for a while.

enamored November 8 2006, 15:36:03 UTC

I just realized that you probably could use that style of the poem (how it just kind of falls into place naturally) as an addition to the metaphore of the leaves falling to the clothes:
"(soundless, slow, deliberate,
like november leaves on asphalt)"

ohh i am a poetry nerd

tonguetie November 8 2006, 18:06:24 UTC

i for one, am so glad you're a poetry nerd. i don't know any, therefore i hardly ever get any useful insight besides "omgz i like this!111" so i'm really thankful for your input.

(The comment has been removed)

Re: hi...here's a re-mix...enjoy tonguetie November 11 2006, 17:03:51 UTC

i absolutely love it.

seekingosiris November 12 2006, 04:55:18 UTC

wow, that is absolutely incredible!

tonguetie November 12 2006, 13:27:54 UTC

i'm glad you like it. :)