I'm going to change myself! in a positive way!

I had no idea getting a PhD would be this emotionally challenging! I might not have signed up for it!

My advisor is a saint. He must be. He's so patient, when I don't know anything. I would get so frustrated with myself if I was in his shoes. Why can't I just understand simple stuff? What's going on with me? GRR. I have never felt so slow.

In high school, I would pass out in class. I was tired. I would try to stay awake sometimes, but I would usually pass out anyway ( Read more... )

(1) I'll probably be able to get a PhD.
(2) Every time I think something is impossible, I somehow magically get it done. woohoo.
(3) I have two very old, depressing looking fish.
(4) I still can afford rent.
(5) I will never ever ever like calling someone my boyfriend and I'm pissed that I'm letting society make me do it.

I'm terrified I'm not going to make it through the next four years. Every time I think I made the wrong decision, my gut tells me I made the right decision. It's just really scary, when you don't feel good enough.

Sometimes I contemplate why I'm so stuck in NYC. Most of the time I just accept it, move on with my life, and travel whenever I can ( Read more... )

I should really stop sleeping at home and start sleeping.. in my other home. But I get lonely!!! Grr. I need to get over this.

this whole drinking being socially acceptable is really freaking me out. i guess i just need to get over it, but i don't quite know how. maybe it's because i don't really drink, but being drunk around co-workers who are my SUPERIORS is just weird. i'm fine getting trashed. but when i'm trashed, i'm stupid and i run around and light shit on fire ( Read more... )

I can't wait to have my own space!!!!!!!