I have far more than 1 LJ entry's worth of story to tell, but I'm currently at my parents' house and have limited online time, so I'll start with the brief, easy stuff
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be careful. shortly after I came out to my parents as a smoker, they both fell off the wagon after a supposed 25 smoke-free years. but it was worth it to not have to "go for a walk" every hour in the upstate x-mas vacation weather.
but atkinson. shit. I learned about that from Diary of a manhattan call girl. terrifying.
I was like "holy shit, waffles!" yesterday morning when I was going crazy with a sweets-and-starch jonesing.
Then I found syrup and was like "hell yeah, my day!", and then I poured the syrup on and it had the consistency of water, and I was like "fuck no, syrup! Why'd you fuck me like that?" and then I looked at the bottle and it said "Atkinson's Syrup: All the taste and none of the carbs!" and I was like "Shit, man, give me my motherfuckin' carbs!"
Totally drenched my non-Atkinson's blueberry waffles. Bummer, dude.
Pulga here -- and I'm over 30 and still hide the fact that I smoke from my parents. It never ends. I'll be doing the 'help-the-parents-move' thing next year. Any tips on how to deal with the emotions are welcome. Good luck!
Japhy Loves You
anonymous
August 5 2003, 16:43:47 UTC
We really should start a Children of Atkinson's Club. Going home to my folks is a horror filled cavalcade of meat and fat. I'm constantly telling them, "Do you know what the best way to lose weight is? Eat less and excercise more." I actually make them take me to the grocery market before I will set foot in the house.
When I smoked, I smoked in front of my folks. They'd make little jokes like , "How's that cigarette?" and I'd say "Fine" and then they'd call me "Chimneystack." It was fun, but then Dad started drinking and Mom became a dope fiend who would make us all sit around a remininsce about her childhood. Then my little brother got syphillis. I'm such a bastard. Don't smoke in front of your folks.
-J
PS- Call me Charles- I need to tell you all about beautiful L.A. and my brush with "The System" :^)
Re: Japhy Loves YoutotalvirilityAugust 5 2003, 18:37:55 UTC
Yeah, my parents don't really take to smoking with the gallows humor. My mom's parents both died from it, and one of their life-long campaigns has been against tobacco. Believe it or not, I was an avid anti-smoker till I was about 16 or so.
oy! All the things that I was.... next LJ entry. I have to go pack more before taking off tonight.
Re: Japhy Loves You
anonymous
August 5 2003, 22:17:26 UTC
Japhy says:
Well- they didn't buy the script, but they're having me do rewrites for someone elses script, so hurray nonetheless. And I saw Disneyland and lots of really hot drunk boys hanging out in fiber optic lit pools. I know I'm supposed to hate California, but really- at least the people there KNOW how dumb they are :^) And the sun. And the hot boys. Did I mention how hot they were?
You were anti-smoking? You're the one who made me into a smoker! You should really quit Charlie. Stop shaming your poor parents. Quit smoking and go on Atkins. Stop making your humourless parents cry. -J
Re: Japhy Loves YoutotalvirilityAugust 6 2003, 03:04:17 UTC
My parents are by no means humorless, leastways not about the Atkins.
And if we have to discuss the fact that you made yourself a smoker one more time; jesus, I remember every time you'd bum a cigarette of me I'd say "fine, but don't go becoming a smoker", and then when you started buying packs (long after I'd left NYC), I'd say "fine, but if you become a smoker, don't start blaming me for it."
Accept responsibility for your own choices, sweets! God, I'm sedated from my flight. Want some xanax?
...tell me about it. I've never been able to quite communicate that fact to my parents, who wonder why I really need to go out at night at all. They (or, more specifically, my Dad) will try to cloak the curfew 'request' as some special concern for the car ("We don't want it out after all those drunk drivers are on the road") which disolves after I offer to get a ride or call a cab.
The thing is, it's still better than what HIS mother would do to HIM, as he never tires of reminding us. Up till her dying day, when he would visit HIS mother, SHE wouldn't let him out of the APARTMENT without HER, and HE was in his 50S, and HE couldn't disobey HER because SHE was a HOLOCAUST surivivor and his FATHER was killed in the HOLOCAUST, so *I* should count myself LUCKY.
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but atkinson. shit. I learned about that from Diary of a manhattan call girl. terrifying.
Reply
Then I found syrup and was like "hell yeah, my day!", and then I poured the syrup on and it had the consistency of water, and I was like "fuck no, syrup! Why'd you fuck me like that?" and then I looked at the bottle and it said "Atkinson's Syrup: All the taste and none of the carbs!" and I was like "Shit, man, give me my motherfuckin' carbs!"
Totally drenched my non-Atkinson's blueberry waffles. Bummer, dude.
Reply
I'll be doing the 'help-the-parents-move' thing next year. Any tips on how to deal with the emotions are welcome.
Good luck!
Reply
When I smoked, I smoked in front of my folks. They'd make little jokes like , "How's that cigarette?" and I'd say "Fine" and then they'd call me "Chimneystack." It was fun, but then Dad started drinking and Mom became a dope fiend who would make us all sit around a remininsce about her childhood. Then my little brother got syphillis. I'm such a bastard. Don't smoke in front of your folks.
-J
PS- Call me Charles- I need to tell you all about beautiful L.A. and my brush with "The System" :^)
Reply
oy! All the things that I was.... next LJ entry. I have to go pack more before taking off tonight.
How'd the system treat you? Just a brush?
Reply
Well- they didn't buy the script, but they're having me do rewrites for someone elses script, so hurray nonetheless. And I saw Disneyland and lots of really hot drunk boys hanging out in fiber optic lit pools. I know I'm supposed to hate California, but really- at least the people there KNOW how dumb they are :^) And the sun. And the hot boys. Did I mention how hot they were?
You were anti-smoking? You're the one who made me into a smoker! You should really quit Charlie. Stop shaming your poor parents. Quit smoking and go on Atkins. Stop making your humourless parents cry.
-J
Reply
And if we have to discuss the fact that you made yourself a smoker one more time; jesus, I remember every time you'd bum a cigarette of me I'd say "fine, but don't go becoming a smoker", and then when you started buying packs (long after I'd left NYC), I'd say "fine, but if you become a smoker, don't start blaming me for it."
Accept responsibility for your own choices, sweets! God, I'm sedated from my flight.
Want some xanax?
Reply
It really cracks me up that you have a curfew when you visit home at 25. Cracks me up more than the other post.
Reply
The thing is, it's still better than what HIS mother would do to HIM, as he never tires of reminding us. Up till her dying day, when he would visit HIS mother, SHE wouldn't let him out of the APARTMENT without HER, and HE was in his 50S, and HE couldn't disobey HER because SHE was a HOLOCAUST surivivor and his FATHER was killed in the HOLOCAUST, so *I* should count myself LUCKY.
Oy vey.
Reply
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