Fic: The Last of the Unplucked Gems (Part One)

Jan 09, 2011 16:59


Written for brigits_flame 's Main contest week one prompt of "tragically hip".  I reeeeeally skated in at the last second on this, and I'm not at all pleased.  Believe it or not, this is only HALF the story I'd wanted to write, but the story was too much for LJ's posting limits to take ... so I had to cut it.  And because of that, I'm now compelled to write a ( Read more... )

week 1, brigits_flame

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Comments 18

firefanatic January 9 2011, 23:46:54 UTC
This was such an entertaining piece. I started imagining their voices and the twinkling in Hearts's eyes and Boots's stomach twisting and groaning.

-and the way you set it up and mixed all those lovely Tragically Hip songs into actual pieces of the story! Very, VERY well done, Toxic.

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toxic_apiaceae January 10 2011, 03:13:54 UTC
HAHA!! Thanks a lot, fire! This was a lot of fun to write, so I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it.

And duuuuuude! You picked up on the incorporation of the theme! *fist pump* YUS!

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giinabiina January 10 2011, 00:16:04 UTC
AH I LOVED this! You create such amazingly interesting (and adorable) characters, and you throw them into this amazing (steampunk, is it?) world that it just all matched so perfectly. I had a fantastic time reading this!

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toxic_apiaceae January 10 2011, 03:12:45 UTC
Thank you! I'm really glad you not only took the time to read it but enjoyed it as well! And yes, it's going to have more steampunk elements thrown in. I'd wanted to include character sketches... but time wasn't exactly my friend on this one. Maybe in the next entry?

Thanks again for reading and commenting!

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toxic_apiaceae January 10 2011, 03:11:00 UTC
*bows* Thanks, raven!

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yuunaluna January 10 2011, 01:03:07 UTC
"Boots, a young boy with a metal arm and hair just long enough to be uncomfortably in his eyes, and Hearts, a young girl with a voice that was impossibly loud for her stature." Great description.

" It was a survival instinct that served those of his sex very well." So. Much. Truth.

I think your strength here is definitely in the creation and description of this little metal world. It's super original, and your little side notes about the sun wanting to rust off the rooster, etc. are just icing on the cake. Also, Boots is so adorable it hurts. However, I thought the transition into the story proper was a bit formal and clunky. It didn't have the right tone/sense of humor to blend with the introduction. The dialogue is really strong throughout.

And either you're writing a serial, or your sending me the un-cut version because this makes me super happy. And toaster-strudel-style...LOLOLOLOLOLOL. Excellence.

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toxic_apiaceae January 10 2011, 03:08:35 UTC
Thank you, yuuna! You're very right about the transition from setting to story being dodgy. I'll definitely be coming through after the poll closes out to clean that up a bit.

This WILL actually be a serial. After taking a look at week two's prompt, I'm actually kinda glad the whole entry couldn't fit. The new prompt is already giving me loads of ideas on how to expand this out.

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yuunaluna January 10 2011, 04:23:49 UTC
oooer. in that case, i shall eagerly await the next installment.

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belluminabyssus January 10 2011, 02:15:09 UTC
God, I love this. It's so imaginative and cute and well-written -- I really hope you make this into a full-blown idea. If it was a YA novel, I'd totally run out and grab it. It reminds me a bit of Coraline -- I imagine if it was a film it would be done in a similar way. :D

Keep up the good work with this, though, Tox! It's fabulous, really. You're going to own this week for sure.

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toxic_apiaceae January 10 2011, 03:05:39 UTC
Aw, haha! Thank you so much, bellumina! Really, it means a lot to me that you enjoyed this so much, considering all the trouble I had with it. Thank you!

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