not sure if you want notes. But I'm in the mood. So anyway.
Not sure about flashbacks. there's gotta be a better way.
bottom page 2. Cut sentence about chicken cutlet and just go into dialogue.
Why does ponty suddenly need a job now? Because of his medical bills? I think we need a scene of him struggling to get money from friends.
where did Jack come from? been working long? I feel like you need a scene where Jack just kind of notices him there and leaves abruptly or something.or is there at the hiring.
16-17 going into film world, where the same conversation continues for more than ? days.
16. also, why does jack rush ahead of him (catching a cab? bus?)
20 star(t)ling. --- I love how late Jack is introduced. (makes me think of Benny and Joon for some reason.)
it's real good.
You do realize that Craig's first line is cut-copied from Pulp Fiction?
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Not sure about flashbacks. there's gotta be a better way.
bottom page 2. Cut sentence about chicken cutlet and just go into dialogue.
Why does ponty suddenly need a job now? Because of his medical bills? I think we need a scene of him struggling to get money from friends.
where did Jack come from? been working long? I feel like you need a scene where Jack just kind of notices him there and leaves abruptly or something.or is there at the hiring.
16-17 going into film world, where the same conversation continues for more than ? days.
16. also, why does jack rush ahead of him (catching a cab? bus?)
20 star(t)ling.
---
I love how late Jack is introduced. (makes me think of Benny and Joon for some reason.)
it's real good.
You do realize that Craig's first line is cut-copied from Pulp Fiction?
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