Oh Louis, always whining...

[traceroo]

I am actively procrastinating right now. I should be working on my final paper for my Legal Research class; it's worth 25% of my total grade. I had three weeks to work on it, and I blew off the first two. It'll be a whopper of a topic, too -- researching case law on airline liability when a commercial flight crashes due to pilot negligence.

Comments

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[sans_peur]

I feel you. I have had (more than one) successful career, I own my own house, a lot of things come "easy" to me (read: I work my ass off and happen to be naturally inclined towards an odd assortment of things), but I have no baby. For a cluster of years, about the time most of my sensible-lifed friends were doing baby making things or relationships-that-eventually-would-make-baby making things, I was remembering I'd been molested as a kid, and coming to the realization that I will never know for sure by whom, and I had to just grow the fuck up past it. But during that time, there was no way in hell I was bringing a kid into this world. About the time I got my head straight on that, I did the most massively life avoiding thing I've ever done: I bought NERO Mass. I was 32? 33? It became my second full time job. I spent seven years doing that instead of having normal human relationships that lead to the aforementioned potential baby making things. As I headed towards 40 I even looked into freezing eggs (not viable unless fertilized,

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[traceroo]

You're awesome. :) Thanks for the long-distance hug by way of your heartfelt words (or tink of the glasses, however you wish to memorialize it in metaphor). I appreciate knowing that you understand what it's like to be in this boat -- and I appreciate the boot in the ass

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[sans_peur]

I assume you've checked for coverage from your insurance? My friend managed to get either 3 or 4 of her rounds covered. Also, if you haven't already been evaluated for it, see about getting checked for PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which is a common interferer-of-things-baby.

And that first call and appointment isn't the $20K commitment - it's "just" a doctor's appointment at first. It'll be some evaluation and some serious (and scary) talk about viability at your "old" age (@#$! 28 years' old is "old" for egg harvesting...grrr). Maybe just getting past this call hump (no pun intended) will get you relaxed enough that nature does its thing!

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[traceroo]

No insurance coverage for Ian or me; we checked. Still, even the full committment on IVF is still less expensive than adoption, if not a sure thing. The initial consultation is like $250 -- easy money. That will at least give us some information and options. There's a lot of tiny steps between here and full on in vitro, so we'll see what they say.

Oh, no other symptoms of PCOS -- and Ian and I have each conceived previously in life, to various ends. We know for certain that at one time I was fertile, and we have no reason to believe otherwise for Ian. Natch, I'm sure a round of testing will be early on the agenda in the next process.

I'm calling this morning! :)

Trace

[dslartoo]

Just to reinforce here -- the ability to conceive and bear a child is not any kind of reflection of your worthiness. If that were the case, then that ridiculous Duggar family with twenty-some (or is it thirty-some by now?) kids is, like, the best family on earth and you *know* that isn't so.

I have no interest in kids myself but I do have friends who hope devoutly for children and have had trouble, so I sympathize. I hope you two are able to achieve what you want so badly.

cheers,
Phil

Duggars, ugh!

[traceroo]

I read the first sentence in your note, and my brain was already making excuses, "Look, this is emotional, not logical..." blah blah blah.

But ya know -- you make an excellent point about the Duggars! I do feel better! (And a good night of sleep helps, too.)

Thanks for chiming in with that point -- I'll strive to keep that in mind. That really helps. :)

Trace

[chinook_wind]

I don't have any personal experience to draw on here, because I don't want children at all ... but I do know more than a few people who've been through what you're going through. Older, desperately wanting and needing a baby, not able to conceive yet. I am so, so sorry you're going through this, and I wish I could help in some material way.

What I can tell you is that all of my friends who've gone through this have children now. Children of their own bodies. If you want to know more detail, let me know -- I've been told that endless stories of "oh, well I know this lady who stood on her head and ate sardines and POW! baby!" aren't helpful. :)

Many hugs to you and Ian both.

Ha!

[traceroo]

I hear the headstand sardines stories, too. :)

Do you know that I have that lovely sunflower card that you mailed me last year tacked to my cubicle wall at work right in front of me? It was such a lovely gesture when I was down last year. It's a daily reminder to me now how much support I have in the world!

Trace

Aw!

[chinook_wind]

I am so glad! :) The card did what it was supposed to, then! It's funny; I was thinking of your last-year's Christmas card recently and wondering if I should do something similar because it was so warm and fuzzy.

[silencebreaking]

My cousin and her husband had their first child just over two years ago. My cousin was 45 when their son was born, so you are by no means the last to check the parenthood box on the life application. She and her husband just celebrated 19 years of marriage.

[artiphant]

"At least you weren't raped"

Yeah, that always bugged me. It's just a way of saying, "I don't understand, so I don't care... even though I probably started this conversation in the first place, because I'm nosy."

It's awesome that you gained the courage to take that next step! And, anyway, I look at you and see a very successful person who has made many accomplishments. Maybe 41 IS the new 31!