I had such bad insomnia last night. I stayed awake reading until 5 a.m., then took a Xanax just so I would sleep through the day (that means no eating!). Plan worked: I woke up at 5 p.m. nobody cared, ofcourse. Nobody walked the dog, ofcourse. I guess that is my sole role in this family. Now D wants to meet for dinner at 7:30..I doubt he will ( Read more... )

As predicted, last night at dinner I ordered salad. I ate about 1/5th of it, but also 2 slices of brie cheese and a few small cubes of grilled chicken. I went to the bathroom and tried to throw it all up, but it wouldn't all come up. Plus if I came back to the table with a red face and teary eyes it would be obvious. My aunt kept saying "eat!" and ( Read more... )

I faked sick today so that I wouldn't have to go on another museum tour with my relatives. While they were out all day, I went to the gym and burned off 300 calories. Then I did a little ana shopping...celery, non-fat cottage cheese, diet coke, marshmallows ( Read more... )

Today my aunt and uncle came into town and we spent the whole day walking around manhattan and the museums. I was really restricting, so I was feeling tired, weak and fucking grouchy. Every second of the day was a fucking obsession; when I wasn't reading "wasted" in between subway trips, I was looking around and noting all the people who were ( Read more... )

Yesterday I did 45 min of cardio at the gym, burning off everything I had eaten that day. For dinner I had a very small caeser salad and a glass of red wine. I went out and had 3 beers with my brother and friends. I was so hungry after drinking I ate a hamburger and a chipwich, which I promptly threw up in the bathroom after. I'm pretty confident ( Read more... )

This morning has been pretty good! I did have some breakfast, but for good reasons. One, I need my coffee..and if I drink it on an empty stomach I feel ill for hours. Plus, I am DEFINITELY going to the gym today...so I had toast with 1 egg and chopped tomatoes. It probably came out to about ( Read more... )

I was starving. so I grazed in the kitchen...a few nuts, a cracker, etc...then I still was hungry, so i had 2 egg whites and cheese with mushrooms. I paniced and puked it all up. Hopefully I got it all.

So far I'm guessing I've had about 470 calories today. I'm rounding up to be safe ( Read more... )

Tonight sucked. I kept myself thinspired all day; I cleaned my room, i drank diet soda and coffee..picked at my omellete over breakfast. But Christmas dinner with the family all around was inevitable. I had cauliflower with cheese sauce, peas, and some roast beef...with red wine. I am disgusted with myself. I tried to rationalize it by saying, its ( Read more... )

I hate living at home because the fridge is always stocked, and never with good choices. I can't even go to the gym today because my asthma is acting up and I can't find my inhaler ( Read more... )